Starting to Feel I Need Help

GMRF

My DH who’s is 18 years my senior was diagnosed in 2018 w Alz. I have gone through a roller coaster of emotions and have gone through the stages of grief. Now I accept though the continued changes are very challenging. My sons are now out of the house and being alone w my DH is lonely and stressful but still I feel I’ve managed well. Now I find he needs more supervision. There are so many little strange behaviors - none really hurt anyone but they are stressful. For example taking coins from a piggy bank and putting them in his pockets and shaking them when we go for our daily walk! Or eating any fruit he sees if I’m out of the room! Or taking my things or my sons things and hiding them. He doesn’t do much all day unless I take him with me shopping or to run errands. We do walk every day and go yo the Y twice a week. But when we are home and I’m trying yo get shores done or just do something for me - he is bored and roams and starts with strange behaviors.  I really need to get him to socialize without me and be out of the house for a bit of stimulation for him and time for me. However he’s not ready for an adult day care environment yet. He’s very strong physically and still pretty aware of what’s going on though his memory is awful and he gets confused easily. I find his attention span is very poor now too and can’t follow more than 1-2 instructions at a time. I want to find something fun for him with some supervision but have not found that right  fit yet. I’m working w our local Y and will see about our local senior center. This is all so sad as he was a very active and alive man and our relationship was always fantastic-best friends and strong partners. Now no real relationship except caregiver to my DH. First time I write here so forgive the length. Suggestions?

sandwichone123

Hi GMRF, I'm glad you're here; it's a great supportive place to be, although sorry you have need of us.

It sounds to me like your dh is ready for an adult day care, but that's not what I want to point out. Others will have great suggestions, but the one suggestion I have for you is that you remember that pwd do not like change. So whatever solution you decide on, whether adult day care, help in the home, a senior center, or any other option, you can expect that he will hate it. Just keep in mind that it's change he hates, not this specific option, so persist until it becomes familiar and he'll be ok with it.

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Kibbee

My father had a neurological disability and I watched my mother take care of him.  I learned a lot from her, including that I needed to take time for myself.  She never did and she became mentally and emotionally exhausted, as well as bitter and angry.  This wasn’t good for her, my father, or their relationship.

I vowed that I would make sure to give myself breaks from caregiving, and I do.  I was able to find some great companion / caregivers through Care.com.  Plus a friend suggested I hire his nephew, who helps take care of his grandmother with ALZ.  DH enjoys spending time with these caregivers, and I get some much needed time away to mentally re-group, and I have at least a little bit of a social life.  It is worth every dollar I spend.