Just let it go

Just Bill

I was lurking on the caregiver board and someone brought up "What give you a headache ?".

A lot of answers were actual headaches as opposed to what is your biggest annoyance ? The first thing on my list is I used to be a creature of habit, schedules and routines. I have had to reprogram my thinking to still be functional in a random world. The next thing is perpetual hide and seek with every item in the house. There are times the TV is on and the remote is MIA and I just yield to the universe and leave whatever is on at whatever volume than look for remote for zillionth time. The last thing that has been difficult to get used to is being with someone that is chock full of energy but can't apply it productively. The same tension you would get babysitting a toddler that just had 5 candy bars and has to touch everything. Well one more thing, now that it is summer we have the air conditioning on and she is perpetually opening doors and forgetting them open letting all the cold air out. I keep from getting actual headaches by doing a lot cleansing breaths and just say "Just let it go". I can one more thing this into a 50 pager but one more thing that bugs the heck out of me is we have neighbors we really don't know that well and my wife is obsessed with them. She is constantly trying to talk with them and inviting them to come over and swim in our pool. I am a troll that is very happy living under my bridge with no one coming over and the thought of another human being in my pool makes my skin crawl. I did warn them she has dementia and may say something weird. So everytime she catches one of them coming or going....cleansing breath just let it go.....

Just Bill

One more thing is coffee. She wastes so much effing coffee. She cant work the coffee pot but has me clean it up and make a 1/4 of a pot. One cup 3 spoons of chocolate mix take one sip and lose the cup. Make another one lather rinse and repeat. Big breath...just let it go....

Josie in Podunk

“Big breath…just let it go…”

Boy, do I know that one.  Or I walk out into the yard and kick rocks.  Or, stick my face in a towel and silent scream.  Multiple times a day.

I know he can’t help the things just as I can’t help getting frustrated at the everblooming repetitiveness of it all.

We all do better some days than others.

All depends on how many spoons I have left.

Faith,Hope,Love

I keep telling myself to let it go, but sometimes that seems impossible.  I know their brains aren't working but it's hard to cope when DH throws out half a bottle of mouthwash because he's concerned that the plastic has contaminated it.  Or he hordes empty food containers to take back to the grocery store to get refunds.  Or he questions everything I do and why I do it.  Or refuses to help me and just stands there looking at me lift something that's a little too heavy for me.  Or refuses to let a landscaping person come on our property to give me an estimate for mowing the grass.  We live in Florida and with all the heat and rain we've been having our lawn looks like it's turned into a meadow or overgrown pasture.  GRR-RR

Rescue mom

Wow, faith, your remark about him watching while you lifted heavy things….mine wasn’t exactly lifting, but basic simple activity, like watering plants, washing cars, bringing groceries inside. DH would say he’d help (he always did, before), and often got mad if I continued, insisting he would do it. 

Of course he never did, he might take a couple steps in that direction, then he’d just stand and watch me do it. 

If I handed him something, he might take it—then put it down anywhere, asap. Oh well, I needed the exercise. Let it goooooo.

And the refusals to allow helpers/workers/repairmen. …

Stock Girl

We don't have kids or grandchildren so I've never actually watched "Frozen", but I sing "Let It Go" often in my mind. I heard a pastor ask once, "does it matter?" I don't know what the topic of the sermon was, but I use DIM (does it matter?) often in my mind. Acceptance of their challenging behaviors is hard to do, especially things like leaving doors open with the A/C on. We live in Phoenix so I can relate. DH leaves lights on in rooms and hallways. It does help me to remember that sight is one thing that decreases early on so lights don't bother me as much. Deep breaths, walking away, prayer and reminding myself "it's not going to get better, it's going to get worse" also puts things in perspective. Hang in there, we're all in the same boat.

trm

I have been trying to get a Caregiver in our home.  I still work full time and need help.  DW HATES any Caregiver that comes.  She is angry and nasty.  It is an ongoing battle, and we are only in 4 weeks.  It usually starts the night before the Caregiver comes.  I keep asking myself if it is worth this battle.  Then I ask myself, how long can I do this alone?  Any ideas?

mrahope

OMG!  I can so relate to a lot of this.  DH is forever losing items.  I must call his cell phone at least half a dozen times a day just to locate it.  And the coffee...never finishes a cup, so I find it half gone many times a day.  Not to mention leaving the microwave and/or fridge ajar.  He always was a bit scattered, but this has gotten so much worse.  

I know these are small things, but maybe they bug me because the remind me of the bigger thing which is that I'm losing him along with all the items.  Perhaps it's easier to be angry than sad.

Stock Girl

This is the one time I'm glad DH has an iPhone and Apple watch. There are so many times when he uses his Apple watch to find his phone. Our DVR has a button on the box that will trigger a bell on the remote, so that helps too. Anger and sadness seem to be the prevailing emotions after diagnosis. I try not to get angry by telling myself "it's the disease". Sadness seems to be wrapped around me like a blanket. I try to focus on things that make me happy, like our dog cuddling up next to me or on my lap, but I wonder, will I ever be happy again?