Fascinating

Just Bill

Today we are home alone and I have nothing scheduled I have to do work wise so I am all the way in the moment with my wife. Today she is delusional happy. I am going along with everything she is saying hallucination wise. In her reality we are at work and she is a new hire that has absolutely no idea what she is supposed to do. I am Bill the boss today. Whenever she is climbing the walls looking for something to do I'll give her a legal tablet and have her write down her thoughts. It's mentally difficult for her so she stalls and avoids it looking for other distractions until ultimately she takes a nap. I took her for a 1 mile walk with the dog to take the edge off her energy levels. It's fascinating to me how her brain has built an alternate reality that totally makes sense to her. The more of her world she shares with me the more I can keep her feeling she has a purpose. I think that is what her brain is doing is looking for purpose. Job, car, doing everything around the house from cleaning, cooking, laundry, pay bills etc. to having zero responsibilities has caused her brain to create a world where she is still viable. Telling her the other employees aren't real just pisses her off so I tell her they all work for me so no one can tell her what to do. Let me know who said what and I will handle it works better. Any way that's today's adventure.

jane8851

My husband with ALZ was a machinist for an aerospace company for 40 yrs. When he could no longer work and progressed to the later stages, he thought he was at work every day and our pellet stove was his CNC machine. It was extremely dangerous because he kept opening it and messing with it. He also thought I was his boss who is a man (I'm a woman). I told him his machine was broken and gave him a pad to design a new fixture for it. It kept him occupied for a while but then he went back to messing with the pellet stove. I ended up sleeping on the couch near the stove to stop him in the night.

Just Bill

A cheap 3d printer probably would have kept him captivated for hours. They have long cycle times 8-10 hours as it builds his model one layer at a time. He could supervise the whole process. My wife was a receptionist, office manager, had her own typing business, and medically retired as a cashier. She sorts junk mail, I can keep giving her the same mail to sort. She has a computer so she can type "reports". She still does laundry, and loads and unloads the dishwasher. That means clothes and dishes and silverware are "put away" everywhere. It seems I can keep her busy with tasks that resemble her old jobs. If she thinks I run an office than I run an office, she is eager to do tasks so I keep her reality alive. Our imaginary office has 4 employees 2 women and 2 men. There is a child running all over driving my wife crazy but my wife loves kids and used to love getting stuck babysitting someones rotten kid so that all fits into her purpose. Delusional happy is way better than delusional angry.

ImMaggieMae

Bill, you’re doing an amazing job of caring for your wife. It probably doesn’t feel that way for you sometimes, but you’re creative and involved and doing whatever you can to make things better for her, by joining her in her realities and helping her to get or stay calm. I remember as a child when we pretended our neighbor’s porch was a helicopter or airplane and built all kinds of adventures around that. We’d play for hours in that reality. Or we’d dress up in old clothes from a suitcase one of the moms provided and pretend that we were royalty or performers or whatever. Your wife’s fantasies aren’t so different from that. Those kinds of games are never much fun if you have to play alone. You make sure that she doesn’t.  What a great role model you are for the rest of us!

You’re involved in researching and keeping track of her medications and suggesting new possibilities to her doctors. We know how difficult that can be. Your love for her shines through in so many ways. 

You mentioned giving her a legal pad to write down her thoughts. Another good thing is to write down a letter at the top of a page and ask her to write down as many words os she can think of that start with that letter.

jane8851

Just Bill, Unfortunately, he began to have grand mal seizures and went to the hospital. They transferred him to a nursing home because the seizures destroyed what was left of his brain. He was only in the nursing home 2 weeks and caught covid from the staff and died.

Just Bill

I am sorry to hear that Jane, I hope you are repairing what is left of you. 

IMM I appreciate the kind words. I am thinking like an engineer and my wife is an engineering project. It is more efficient to move with her momentum instead of against it. I am dedicated to this project. I am not rich but I can afford to be home with her and work out of the house. Placement isn't an option at this time so I have to be the full time caregiver. In for a penny in for a pound. It's kind of like hosting a birthday party for a bunch of 5 year olds. I don't want to do it but once you put on the clown suit you are all in. She is still in there even in her delusional state so it isn't hard for me to do whatever it takes to keep her happy. She spoiled me for 37 years, all I had to do was work. I got time to play as much as I wanted. Now its time to pay her back for 37 great years. It is a labor of love so it isn't hard to do.

Just Bill

Hey IMM the legal pad dynamic is always in flux. I have tried several strategies to get her to write. Usually I will start the page with "Things that make me happy" or "I am in a good mood because". Before that I would have her just write a phrase as many times as she could. She would do a few repetitions and then start writing creatively. I would have her draw clocks until she couldn't get writing numbers in a circle. So clock drawing now is a circle with 4 dots at noon, 3, 6, and 9. I start her page with a positive phrase and just let her do what she wants. She knows she is impaired and wants to get better and totally relies on me to help her so she accepts this as a positive drill.

ImMaggieMae

Bill, thank you for the additional legal pad ideas. I’m always looking for different things for my husband to do to keep him engaged, especially during these summer heatwaves.  I’m glad there are a few others here that aren’t looking to  place their loved ones. Being a caregiver is probably one of the most demanding and heartbreaking jobs ever, but this is his home and I will do everything in my power to keep him here.