5 years in Memory care-Random thoughts

Crushed

This month DW will hit 5 years in memory care.  Her good physical condition  is a tribute to good facility care and a fine personal  caretaker. But her brain is completely gone . The wonderful woman I married 47 years ago is long gone.  Please do not suggest that she is "in there" and just can't communicate.  
That just hurts .  I check on DW by face time almost every day and see her on the weekend.
 The financial structure I set up 5 years ago ends this year.  I have the money , it just needs to be reorganized  to deal with inflation. 
I do the best I can.  I have women friends, They like my cooking and I enjoy their company.

But DW was the love of my life. I have no romantic interest in anyone

I am invited to Thanksgiving or more precisely I am invited to cook a Turkey and bring it
"have turkey will travel"    (our family thanksgiving is Thanksgiving Saturday )
 My therapist says I am the most married guy she ever met.     
 My children and grandchildren are wonderful

 I am writing a lecture I will give in Berlin in October on mass disasters.

I have a new induction stove and  I am thawing a turkey to try out the oven.

I am installing Solar energy on the house
 
It's like building a life out of Lego blocks .  From a distance it looks almost real . Only up close do you see plastic

White Crane

I hear you, Crushed.  The analogy of the house built of lego blocks hits home.  You have a life but inside the wheels have fallen off or that is the way it feels with me.  Thank you for sharing.

Davegrant

Crushed:

I enjoy reading your posts and appreciate your insights.  Thanks. My wife began showing signs of dementia five years ago. Reading posts is a big part of my trying to understand what is going on in our lives. Its a daily challenge tryng to manage my emotions and deal with her and the daily situations of life. 

Dave

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storycrafter

Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Crush. Like Dave said above, it helps to read them as I try to navigate this strange life we now lead. Knowing others are out there who "get it" is reassuring and provides an indirect witness of my own existence. Without that it would feel like I was floating and bouncing randomly around in the cosmos like an astronaut who lost the tether to the spaceship.

Thanks for your simile that captures some nuances I strongly relate to, "It's like building a life out of Lego blocks .  From a distance it looks almost real . Only up close do you see plastic." I go through the motions of life working the best I can to create something meaningful out of the pieces that are left. It often feels unreal, whatever that phrase means.

jfkoc

 " From a distance it looks almost real . Only up close do you see plastic"

Precisely............Thank you for the words.

Crushed

People ask what I do to take care of myself

one of my hobbies is a daily anagram poetry challengs
You get a long word from a very short list and have to find an anagram and make a poem using both words usually in about 10 minutes  Some folks don't make poems But I view that as minor league  So today I had Romanized  here was my poem randomize was the anagram
 

"I said Romanised not Randomise"

screamed the outraged Don

"this jumble of letters you’ve written

would certainly fool no one

Your Persian must be limited

to cats and antique rugs

You’ve far more Farce than Farsi

Or else you’re just on Drugs"

 

The stuff we do to try to have a life

Crushed

Cecil J wrote:

 

 

  You said you were giving a lecture about mass disasters. Is it on man made or natural?

There is very little difference between most relevant natural and man made disasters
Flooding a city as a natural event but a man made disaster
Hurricanes are natural events but man made disasters 
Lightning strikes are natural events but the failure to prepare is a man made disaster 
For the most part in man made systems there are no "accidents"

Accidents and natural disaster are terms used to deflect blame from those responsible for taking precautions  

For example in August and September 2021long after vaccines became available
Florida had over 18000 Covid deaths while 
New York had 1700  with a slightly smaller population 
The disease may be natural but the disaster was human.
 

 
  

JoseyWales

Wow Crushed, 5 years. I remember when your wife was still home. You were one of the first posters I followed along with through this disaster. Back then I was looking ahead to what to expect. Now my DH has been in a facility for almost 6 months. 

5 years. Such a long, long time. 

I hope that turkey turns out delicious. But with your cooking skills, I'm sure it will! 

Stuck in the middle

Crushed, the New Yorker published a poem early in August (August 15 or earlier) that contained anagrams of the author's name on each line.  Since you're interested in such, you might want to check it out.  I lost my copy or I'd share it.