Driving(10)

cavenson · July 2023

The Alzheimer's Association has a very good booklet related to driving.

It includes a Safe Driving Agreement for people showing signs of dementia, and my DH recently signed it. Hopefully, he will abide by it. He has agreed to avoid nighttime, dusk or dawn driving, rain or fog, highways, rush hour or congested traffic, and passing on two-way roads. He also is supposed to avoid trips further than a few miles of home. The booklet also includes a sheet for me to use to document driving difficulties.

Eventually, he will need to totally give up driving, and that will be very hard. DH is a car person. We had 5, including 3 antiques, and two of the antique cars have been sold. He thoroughly enjoys taking his classic '54 to car shows. Fortunately, there are several within a couple of miles of our home, and I can drive the old car if he lets me--so he could still attend and show off his car. In the meantime, I just say a prayer. We've delivered Meals on Wheels for many years, and this coming Friday is our turn this month. Last month, I noticed more confusion when following directions to people's homes, He doesn't seem to mind me being a back-seat driver, but he wants to drive the route. He is OK with me doing the driving for anything related to doctor appointments and treatments.

ButterflyWings · July 2023

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/177358#Comment_177358

I'm sorry to say this bluntly, but to not stop this immediately may kill someone else too. He is running red lights. It is past time to stop. No pun intended. I am one who had to disable the car, have it towed to the mechanic, hide the keys multiple times (many sets including extras that I did not even know existed), lock us out of the garage (on purpose so we'd have to use my car only for a month) and ultimately just had to disappear his car completely.

DH thinks it was stolen. I perfected the blank look, shoulder shrug, and promised to report it to the police for him. It is not going to get better and the risk of harm and financial ruin is sky high. Please hide those keys as soon as he sleeps and don't let him behind the wheel another day. You can't reason with someone whose reasoner is broken.

Yulsey · July 2023

I was so glad to read through this string of comments. It was so reenforcing. (By the way, what is a DH? Is it "Dear Husband?")

My guy was so furious with me when the letter came from the DMV. The OT had sent her a mandated report after his assessment. She had told him he should "retire" from driving, but he totally ignored her and accused me of tricking him into taking the test- which is not like him at all. So far, he hasn't tried to drive, but I'm afraid to ask for his keys. I want him to surrender his license so he can get a valid ID, but he won't even let me bring up the subject.

Thank you, Plenty Quiet, for pointing out that if he hurt someone driving, he would forget, but I would never forgive myself. That helped me realize I was doing the right thing, the truly loving thing.

RickM · July 2023

Worth highlighting

“if he hurt someone driving, he would forget, but I would never forgive myself. That helped me realize I was doing the right thing, the truly loving thing.”