Suggestions for fiblets/distractions about diapers when confined to bed?

Dellafair

Because this was a huge sticking point with grandma last week, and it will come up again and again...

Grandma cannot walk any more due to a stroke a few months ago, so our toileting has become diapering. I am so grateful for the example I've learned here to call them "underwear/panties" to try to spare the LO's dignity. I've even added my own spin on that fiblet with "they're a special brand of absorbent panties, so you don't have to worry about getting them dirty!" (Though I have seen commercials for those!)

However, I've realized I have a question about a different, though related issue: Grandma still assumes she needs to get up out of bed for toileting. After all, she used to for all the other decades of her life, even throughout the earlier stages of her disease when the diapers were just insurance against accidents. It's only after her stroke that she hasn't been capable of standing up, let alone walking to the bathroom at all-- which is already more than hard enough to adjust to without dementia in the mix.

So while our LO has a perfectly understandable aversion to soiling her own bed, frankly that ship has sailed... and it leaves us with bitter arguments that can escalate when we're not careful. Any advice on how we can handle this better?

May flowers

Dellafair, I don’t think I welcomed you to the board yet, so welcome and sorry for all you are going through!

My FIL did this after his hip surgery. He was not able to stand or walk unassisted but he kept trying. It was a constant vigil and we had a few falls. We were fortunate that in home PT provided a hospital bed with railings, and hospice did as well. It is not fail proof - we have to put the bed against the wall and a mattress on the floor next to the bed and he has still managed to get out. Once he’s out on the floor, he couldn’t  get up which of course makes him even more upset.

Can your grandmother bear any weight? Is it possible to stand and pivot with her? If so, a portable bedside toilet might work. As for the agitation, we just kept telling my LO that he had surgery so his legs are not as strong but he is getting better (a fiblet). Sometimes that worked to calm him. I never told him his ability to walk was gone. 

My FIL did eventually get used to the diapers/pull-ups, but is still pretty antsy around going. He is way past recognizing the urge to go or telling us.

Many of us have had to use medication to calm our loved ones. We went as long as we could without it but his agitation around getting changed and cleaned up in the morning became unmanageable. Anyway, it took a lot of trial and error but we ended up with a med that worked for him (everyone is different) - calmed him but did not make him a zombie. We give it an hour before the morning routine and an hour before his sundowning hours, and at bedtime.

Is your grandmother able to sit in a wheelchair during the day? My LO is completely immobile but we use a lift to put him in a Geri chair and on a portable toilet once a day still.  He cannot stand being in bed when awake so that satisfies his need to be up and moving (even though it’s scooting around in his chair) 

It is hard not to get upset and fuss back, but I’m sure as you know it only escalates things. I would feel my BP go through the roof sometimes. In order to deal, I did/do a lot of self talk (telling myself - his brain is broken), walk away for a few minutes and get my composure and give him time to calm, put in ear buds with my favorite songs and sing, etc. 

sandwichone123

Perhaps you could try telling her we can get up "later," but right now let me get you cleaned up so you're ready when the aid arrives or whatever "later" you're using. I'd try to separate cleaning up from the activity that makes it necessary, if you know what I mean.

Olly_Bake

[Grandma still assumes she needs to get up out of bed for toileting. After all, she used to for all the other decades of her life, even throughout the earlier stages of her disease when the diapers were just insurance against accidents.]

[So while our LO has a perfectly understandable aversion to soiling her own bed, frankly that ship has sailed... and it leaves us with bitter arguments that can escalate when we're not careful. Any advice on how we can handle this better?]

Yes, yes, and oh yes. A touchy, sticky, and agitating sticking point for all but especially for them. 

Hi and welcome. We’ve been at this sticking point for almost a month now with dad. I have waived the flag because he just wasn't having it on this issue. And I've managed to find a way to ease up on my back so a bit better for all and I'm no longer so touchy and agitated. See this post if you would like to quick view our similar struggle

https://www.alzconnected.org/discussion.aspx?boardid=77&g=posts&t=2147561949&page=-1

Dad's problem with standing and walking started this year after he ended up with a broken hip when he went into a nursing home to recover from illnesses (to get stronger).

Telling him you can use your underwear and then we will get you all nice and clean did not work for us. Telling him we had ample supply of underwear and things to change his bed out right away if needed also did not work. A bedpan didn't work out.

I’m sorry but I’m guilty of losing it every once in a while especially with this issue. So try not to beat yourself up!

Olly_Bake

MayFlowers, is the portable toilet the beside commode or some of the others on the market?