old letters are new again

notjolly

I am caring for my brother after finding out that he has med stage alzheimers and prostate cancer stage 4. When we moved him to live with us we had to clean out his apartment.  He has been a hoarder for many years much to our surprise. We tried to bring as much as we could and amoung some of his stuff was old letters that family and others had wrote to him over a span of at least 60 years!!! He has read them and reread them at least 3 times. Each time I have to explain that he can write to them but maybe they don't live there anymore. He brings letters to me that I wrote and says your name is all over in these letters. Sometimes he gets upset reading all the letters. Other times he wishes he could go back and visit. I didn't know that a shoebox full of letters would be a " job" that he had to read every one. He says these people just wrote me, just like he got the letters today. He has to read them because it's his job. I'm new at all this. I worry about his cancer and dealing with alzheimers too. I wonder if I did the right thing to even give him those letters. I've been reading about alzheimers and prostate cancer. I don't know if I can handle this. I'm 74 years old he is 83. At times I wish I would have left him in his apartment and paid someone to check on him. He lived in South Calif. I live in Northern Calif. so not easy to get to him if something happened. By the way he hates me for moving him even though he said he wanted to come live with me.

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Arrowhead

On one hand, it's best to remove situations what get him upset. However, it appears that sometimes reading them brings him pleasure. In either case, it does give him something to do. My wife has nothing that she can do. She wanders the house moving things around. She's incapable of doing any household chores or reading anything or doing anything else, except for moving things around. Perhaps you can figure out if certain letters upset him and remove only those. From my point of view, reading them does at least give him something to do.

notjolly

Thank you Victoria and Arrowhead for your replies. My brother was a hoarder of books and other junk he would pick up off the corners. He had over 3,000 or more books that he bought at the library for 25 cents or so. He never read them just collected them. Moved them from one place to another in the apartment. It was his job. I think the letters are taking the place of all the books. Not sure. He always acted like he had to work on the books but would never get rid of any. Back story: Back in June he broke his leg that's how I found out how he was living. Sleeping under a table on the floor (because we're  going to have an earthquake any day now) He had been drinking because he couldn't sleep. He tried to get up in the night to go to the bathroom and fell over all the junk. It was just a matter of time until something happened

The lawyer I talked to said the POA ship has sailed because you have to explain to him what it mean and he has to sign it. He will never sign it. He has CDs and an IRA that come due in two years, not sure if I can get to them if I need them for his care. He is a veteran but they can't help me because he didn't serve in any wars. His Medicare is only plan A and to get into a VA nursing I was told he had to have all plans, A,B,C and D. and the waiting list is 5 years. Medicaid says you have to have no more than $2,000 in the bank and that they would want the CDs and IRA before they would pay for his care. It goes on and on with road blocks. 

I can't get in his room to get the letters because he thinks I'm stealing his things. He wanted envelopes so he could write these people, but then forgets or just can't get the sentences down on paper, so that went no where. He doesn't trust me. Some days are ok others are a nightmare. I'm just going day to day to see if the prostate cancer or the Alzheimer's will be the first to advance to a point he has to be put in a nursing home. 

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notjolly

thank you Victoria that is all great advice and I will look into the elder lawyer and the other websites. His social security goes to his bank account. I didn't know about the IRA I will call his bank and ask this questions. I'm sure the bank probably told him but it never got acted on.

He was a hoarder in his apartment but I won't let him do that in my house.

He can apply for Medicare part B but the fine is like $480? for the rest of his life. Taken out of his social security. I'm not sure if part B does much more than transportation and an extra 100 days in the hospital, but well worth looking in to when Open enrollment comes around.

Right now I'm looking at all the "this is not a bill "bills coming in from his fall back in June. VA and Medicare statements. 

The last one had a total of $130,000!!!!! So I am hoping Medicare will pick up all but his deductable. When I asked at the hospital they said it would, but you know how that goes. If not I hope we can make payments because we don't have that kind of money.

thank you for your reply.

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