Caretaker coming to our home

Denise50

I have someone coming to assist us....if I tell MH it's to help him he'll get furious...I need suggestions on how to explain this to him.

Faith,Hope,Love

Could you introduce the person coming to assist as someone coming to help you?  Or say that this person is a friend of yours?  Once he gets used to someone else being in the house then you may be able to have them start assisting him.  Just a thought.

Joydean

I told my dh the lady coming is to help me. He was okay with that. The first time I actually left the house my dh wanted to know why the “girl “ was not leaving. I did have a doctors appointment so I told him where I was going and I wouldn’t be gone very long. I asked him to keep her company until I got back. Your helper should be able to back you up and help keep your dh engaged. Others will come along with different ideas.   Best of luck to you!

jfkoc

I aksed my husband if we could hire someone who had just lost their job for a couple of hours a week. It was a win win. He was helping someone else and I got the help I needed.

Rescue mom

My DH was adamantly opposed to having others in the house, he was nasty about it, and to them. It’s been a real struggle. I told him early on that more help was needed for ME, and he didn’t fight quite so hard, but was still hostile to them. 

I finally got a doctor we both see, to talk to us both (the doc played along well) about me needing more rest and help at home. That helped more than I expected.

DH lost all empathy very early, he did not care a bit if someone else needed help, and my health issues went right over his head. But hearing the doctor say it did register somewhat.

This aide initially spent a lot of time here with just “busy” work, helpful but not essential, and not directly for him. (The worst aide was one who hovered nonstop around him, which he really did not need). But this time was more about getting him used to her being around, not so much what she actually did.

Its still taken lots of time for him to accept any help from her (the 4th or 5th one, others quit). , and he still won’t ask…she’s just very good at anticipating. If it’s put before him as a done deal, it’s ok. For example, don’t ask “are you hungry?” Just say here’s your lunch/snack etc. He wouldn’t even take that from the others.

For us, that early time with her just being around, was crucial, IMO.