Called a Memory Care place

Hoot619

This morning I called again and at the same time was hoping they haven't got a opening. Am I going nuts, she needs better care than I can give her. They haven't called back yet.

  She's sitting in chair in front room TV is on. I don't think she is getting much out of it.  Dr. Pol & Andy Griffith are her favorites, likes Criminal Minds but that's getting too blood thirsty.

I think she is or has been hating me.  When she is lucid it is good but those times are getting few and far between.  Tried to get her to go in bedroom, once she is standing I can direct her to where I need her to go.  Still a good day, if I keep saying or thinking it. 

  Gave her the little 18" black bear she threw it hollaring. She has a banana , pepsi cocktail, and a Ensure on table by her and all she is doing is yelling at times. 

To get my mind in the right place will order 2 shotgun chokes for steel shot, have geese out back in my pond. I might be 80 but I can still hunt fish IF I can get away.  Hoot

She drank her cocktail ,threw half of banana on floor I', thinking she forgot how to peel the bottom half. I pealed it she ate it. Now for her to calm down.

toolbeltexpert

Hoot I just got my field decoys out from under the house, probably gonna sell them.i have boxes of triple b steel. I used to hunt on cape cod. I haven't hunted ducks or geese in ages. My bedroom window has been a good hunting blind though. I sold my 308, but still have my 50 cal knight. And venison my be in my future. Dw used to make breakfast suasage and jerky.  I do miss fishing alot.

Good luck with your placement choice. Are you on their wait list?

Ed1937

Hoot619 wrote:

I think she is or has been hating me. 

When my wife would tell me she hated me, I would tell her that's OK because I loved her more than she hated me. And of course I knew she didn't hate me.

Hoot, I know how emotions can get in the way of practical thinking. It's hard to make the decision for placement, and I wish it were easier for you.

Vitruvius

Your comment about calling an MCF yet hoping they didn't have a bed is the dilemma I referred to in my recent post.

When you get on a waitlist for an MCF with beds that only come up occasionally you have to decide to take the bed possibly before you absolutely need it, or it may happen that your LO has had a crisis and you're past the point where you need it when a bed finally comes up.

For those who think they will ever need to place their LO, it's best to think this through ahead of time. I think the answer is different for each of us and is obviously dependent on our individual situation. 

Hoot619

Don't worry if one is available she will be there as fast as possible. I know what it is doing to me and it's not helping her at all.    she is eating her banana so I gave her another one put it on table beside her.  If I give it to her she hollars like hell. I'm learning a little it has to be her idea to eat or drink. It is frustrating as heck.  Hoot

Just Bill

Hang in there Hoot. I like watching Dr. Pol. I use him as a how much is this going to suck gage. For example if I have to do something I think sucks the question is does it suck as bad as checking 40 cows for pregnancy by going shoulder deep up their rectums on a hot humid august afternoon ? Now the activity doesn't suck as bad when using that as a comparison. My wife likes watching Dr. Pol too and whenever he is giving pills to an animal I say at least we don't have to go that way, and she laughs.

dayn2nite2

Please make sure your LO is on multiple waiting lists - you don't want to put all your eggs in 1 basket, so to speak.

Jo C.

Day is right, Hoot.  It is best if your put her on waiting lists of several facilities and be sure she is actually firmly ON a list at each place.  If your preferred choice wants a deposit to hold a spot on a list, I would give it to them.  Then call each week or twice a week; "just checking to see what is happening."  Contact when not over done ensures your seriousness will be acknowledged.  Patients  leave care facilities for many reasons; some die, some return home, some transfer to a different level of care, some transfer to other places closer to family, so a spot will eventually be coming up if you are not too far down on a multiple person waiting list.  Do you know how many people are ahead of you on that list?  That would be good to know.

Even if you do not get your first choice, if you wish you can transfer her later when a bed at the preferred place becomes available

Best to get placement transfer accomplished as soon as you can, as the weather changes will soon be coming quickly and we both now what the U.P. winters are like - bad idea to be trying to manage in the throes of such weather.

Hoot; as much as you are trying your best, I think that after your wife is placed, she may well experience a lessening of her negative behaviors.  Home may contain many "triggers" for her acting out and in fact, very often the spouse's hands-on care can also be a trigger.  Sad to say, but it seems that the person doing the most will get the brunt of the anger and acting out.  It may be that both of you will benefit from the new setting.

I so hope a bed is found soon, but would get on additional waiting lists.   Too bad she cannot get into see the doctor for assessment as there are meds that can assist.   If she seems to need to be seen for a change in condition, if the ER decides she needs admission, then you can refuse to take her home from the hospital as you are unable to provide the care at the levels she needs any longer.   Then the process will be to transfer her to a facility directly from the hospital rather than returning home.

So hope that you find that relief placement soon; you have worked so hard and are still striving mightily to manage everything; it must be exhausting to the point of feeling overwhelmed sometimes. 

Sending out hopes that the facililty will soon have that bed available.

J.