New here, just beginning process

Anna2022

Hello and thank you all for being here. I have been reading the threads and I am learning so very much about this new journey I am starting. DH is not diagnosed and that prompts my question. He has no insight into his symptoms, what I learn now might be anosognosia, and am having trouble getting him to his primary doctor for a medical checkup, much less a specialist for assessment. Any suggestions from the group would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Ernie123

Hi Anna: I am sure you will find help and support on this forum. Never feel shy about asking anything, we are all dealing with many of the same issues.

As for getting your husband to the doctor, you will probably have to resort to a fib or secret arrangement. For example, phone the doctor and explain your concern. The doctor could call your husband and tell him it is time for him to come in for a check up or some other excuse. You will need to get used to the notion of fibbing to your husband and manipulating situations for his own good. Don’t feel guilty. Recognize that as your husband progresses he will slowly lose the cognitive ability to understand things and your trying to explain or argue about the need to do something, like visit the doctor, will only lead to confusion and upset. Distract, stay calm, and invent diversions as needed.

Getting a referral to a geriatrician is probably a good idea. And you need to seek out any community supports that are available for you. Contact your local Alzheimer’s Society and you can receive counseling and advice on how to proceed. Join a support group and share your experiences with others dealing with the same challenges.

Keep us informed on how things go.

Ed1937

Hi Anna. Welcome to the forum. Sorry you have a need for it. You didn't mention your ages. That is helpful information for anyone trying to help. If he is on Medicare, you can tell him that he is required to have thorough exams in order to keep his insurance. Medicare is trying to cut their costs by keeping people well, and that's the reason for the required visits.

If you get appointments for him, and you aren't comfortable telling the doctor certain things in front of your husband, write a note to give to the person who signs you in, and ask for the doctor to read it before he sees your husband. Make sure to include everything that concerns you. That will be helpful to the doctor when he/she does testing and/or diagnosis. These notes work very well, and they likely have seen them before.

Also, if there is any way possible, accompany him when the sees the doctor. Even if he is not having trouble with short term memory, two sets of ears are better than one.

toolbeltexpert

Anna getting a pwd to go to a doctor seems to be a thing. I went thru that with my dw  for her first visit to a doctor. She hadn't been to a doctor period. She had a small bump on her neck and I made a big deal about it. When it came to the day of the visit I told her about 2 hrs before and of course she tried to get out of it, so I told her there was a 300$ cancelation fee. That did the  trick. We never made a follow up, she ended up 2 weeks later in the er voluntarily that eventually ended in a placement 6 weeks later. Today marks 2 weeks of NH.

jmlarue

I agree, it will probably require a fiblet to get him to the doctor. Some have said it's just a check-up, but is required by Medicare or the insurance company. The handwritten note for the doctor worked very well for my DH's appointment - no just once, but many times for follow-up appts. too. Lastly, absolutely be with him for all appts. in the future. Just walk in with him like a boss unless he makes a big deal about it. Before my DH was diagnosed, he went to the doctor a couple of times alone and couldn't repeat a single word of what was discussed, tests that were ordered, or prescriptions that were written. 

I moved really quickly after that to have both of us sign Durable Powers of Attorney for healthcare and finances, by telling him that we were both of an age where we needed to take care of advance planning. Those Durable Powers of Attorney are really necessary to have signed and in hand while he is still competent to do so. They will save you a great deal of headache and heartache in the future. It's really important to consult with a Certified Elder Law Attorney early in this journey. If you can't get your husband to cooperate, go see one on your own. A good one will know how to present all the information to your DH so that it looks more like standard advance planning that all responsible adults should do and not related to current health concerns.

I'm glad you found this forum. The folks here are a wellspring of good information and willing to answer whatever questions you may have. We care about each other.

Anna2022

Thank you all for your comments. Just a few responses:

DH is on Medicare, he is 67 (I am 65). His most obvious symptom is very short term memory loss, it's almost as if he's not paying attention to the conversations, and then within a short time period or over the next few hours or days, repeating the same question over and over. It's like information doesn't stick and yet a few days later, he can sometimes remembers the information. There are good days and bad days for over the past year. I've learned not to argue - finally understanding this might be anosognosia, and am finding patience that I never knew I had. There are other symptoms too. Recently, a friend also expressed concern to me about DH memory issues after we all had lunch together.

I feel almost dis-loyal, talking about these issues here. But I've been so worried and have been dealing with this alone for the past year, working thru my own denial I guess. But having practical answers here and feeling support and understanding thru your responses, I feel better.

I have made an appointment with a certified elder law attorney and have told DH that we need to get affairs in order and that seemed to be an acceptable reason.

You all are right - I realize that I have to be at appointments with DH, otherwise I get no answers from DH - he forgets the details. This happened at a last appointment. I can work on getting DH an "annual medicare" appointment with PCP for a checkup and get labs, etc. as you have suggested and get info to the doctor beforehand. It's a slog - DH hates going to doctors.

I have also located a specialist/geriatrician nearby who has availability.

Thank you all for your help!

Bob in LW

Anna, Welcome to the group. You will find that you are not alone.  I am dealing with the same problems that you are, as my SO has short term memory loss, and I have to remember things for her.  When she asks the same question several times a day, I always give her a short, simple, answer because she isn't going to remember it anyway.  If I want to bring up a subject that we have been discussing, I have to explain it from the beginning as if talking to a child, or she will have no idea what I am talking about.  I always put phone calls on speakerphone so that I can remember what was said, since she won't be able to.  I have also learned that her perception of time and dates is not accurate.  For instance, she may tell someone that something took place last week when it was actually two months ago.  I always go to her appointments with her so that I can not only remember what the doctor told her, but also so that I can correct her when she gives the doctor faulty information.

Other than her severe short term memory loss, my SO is quite functional in other ways, and I feel fortunate about that when reading the accounts posted here by others.

Anna2022

Thanks, Bob in LW. Your description of your SO fits that of my DH, except that my DH does not have any insight about his memory issues - or he is consistently bluffing his way thru....