New poster but not new to PWD

Love Matters

Hi, my Mom has dementia, probably late stage 5 or 6. I recently had to move her to Memory Care from AL as she was trying to get out the doors and forgetting how to get to her room or meals. She has lived there full time for 4 years. Been in MC for under 2 weeks. I've tried to be consistent on visiting but it gets harder everytime(I'm the only relative, daughter that helps her). It has been a nightmare with her calling me saying she wants to go home and if I don't come get her the next time I see her will be in a casket. I can't take care of her at my house because I am emotionally and physically unable. I keep telling her it was doctor's orders which we did get her doctor's opinion and she said it's time for more care. I don't really know what I want you all to tell me but I guess if someone could share experience after they place their loved one in MC and if they settled down after a while. Mom has a sharp tongue and it's getting the best of me. Thank you

M1

Hi LM and welcome.  I can definitely relate; I had to put my partner in memory care in April after hospitalizaion in March, and so it's been five months--and I have only been able to visit consistently in the last two weeks.  Which is a huge relief--but I tell you that so yo can be prepared, that it can take a long, long time.  Second thing that occurs to me is that you may need to limit her access to a telephone.  I know it's hard to take it away, but it's probably necessary.  My partner would be doing the same thing--she would be calling me nonstop, but she doesn't have phone access. When I got there today she had about 50 pieces of paper on her bed--all notes to herself with my phone numbers on them.  But it's also clear she doesn't really know what they are (she asked me if I had sent them).  When I leave, she always asks, "Will you call me tonight?"  but then immediately forgets, because is doesn't come up when I come back to visit.  So she's not really aware.  I would strongly encourage you to think about that.

sandwichone123

When I placed my dh, I would answer his calls once, maybe twice, a day. Other than that, I would ignore or if frequent, put the phone on silent or set his ringtone to silent.

PWD dislike change, regardless of what the change is, so rather than thinking, "My PWD dislikes this change, perhaps I should make a different one," it might be more effective to think "My PWD dislikes change; I'd better give her some time to get used to it before moving any other pieces. I'll back off and let her settle in for a while."