Finding Joy in all this.

toolbeltexpert

First let me say this is gonna be a little bit of a rant, so if you don't want to hear me rant,feel free to stop here.

I hear so many who have found a great place for their lo's! and i am truly happy for each one,isn't that what we all want, since placing my dw I have found that my choice hasn't been that!  Covid limited my tour of the facility and having to place dw became urgent after her pasrr was approved.

She has had the same fitted sheet now for over 2 weeks,it had a small brown stain and I see it every day, yesterday I started taking a pictures, today I put a mark on it with washable marker. I had asked about when they change them,every week I was told, that's not happening. I Also have asked about the laundry pickup, everyday I was told, that also hasn't happened and 2 times I had to get someone to come in and take it,  the last time it had 4 days laundry in it this was a Saturday which was the 5th day. This was the second time it was done, but rudely.

Tha bath room which has a toilet and sink that really need to be totally replaced. The hot water lever doesn't work unless you fully swing the lever to the downspout, about half way there, it gets stuck, and there is a large brown stain from where the cold water facet leaks out of the stem of the cold water, the hand soap dispenser is right above the cold water lever by 2 inches and everytime you reach for the lever you get soap like it or not. No dear that's not tooth paste. That really ticks me off. There are no grab bars to assist someone on the toilet and dw is reaching for the door frame, her meds have taken her ability to stand by her self. There is a large metal pipe that stands at 4 ft behind the toilet seat that would make a perfect place to hit your head.

They finally put a sign on the other person's door that says "use other door"  to keep dw from going into someone else's room, which she does frquently. They have a sign in her room that says call before you fall, really! a pwd isn't gonna grasp that one.

I haven't found many who engage with my wife. Activities isn't happening because of covid and they say there is no end in sight. There is a terrace where I can bring dw, it's a space between two halls so there are windows to the patient's rooms and  they have bird feeders which are messy, not complianing thats gonna happen and i am glad they do this. dw thinks it would be good if she could sweep it. I mentioned it to the Activities person that might be something for dw and she told me they are thinking of closing it. I just can't seemed to find any joy in where I placed dw. The food is highly salted and dw legs are swelling which is also a side effect from the olansapine, I know this so please don't remind me of it.  Just no joy.

This is a facility that will take Medicaid when I am broke, it's 8200 plus for 30 days.  My first choice is 3700 but doesn't take Medicaid is a 100 times nicer. I keep asking myself why am I doing this when there is no joy.

I think I would be happier caring for dw in times like this. I visit 2 times a day morning for an hour and a half and afternoon about 4 to 630 to make sure she is set up for bed. I toilet her and sometimes take her hearing aids and put them in the charger. If I don't, they are who knows where? This morning one was in the charger which wasn't  plugged in the other was still in her ear.

I wonder if I should just finish my spend down in a better facility and  then transfer after her back to a Medicaid place when I am broke!

Sorry if my rant has offended anyone. 

Yes I am just rambling on, I feel like rambling on. My heavenly  home is bright and fair and I feel like rambling on.

I am very thankful she is only 12 miles away. I can visit when I want anytime! She still tells me she loves me and wants lots of hugs.  Here my friends is my JOY. 

Hoot619

Toolbelt, what awful news from you. Can you change MC places during the spend down without screwing things up. You might want to check on that.. Wondering how they got their license to run the place. You would think Health Dept. would have periodic checks.

One good thing is that you are there twice a day and can watch and take care of her. And I thought I had troubles. Take care my friend. Hoot

jmlarue

Your rant is completely justified. Have you talked with the Administrator about these issues? I, certainly, would do that before making a decision to move my LO. Would your DW qualify for palliative care or hospice care at this time? Both of these can provide services to her whether she is home or in the Medicaid facility. That would mean a visiting nurse and additional aids visiting her regularly to manage meds and diet - some additional eyes and ears on the care she receives, with a focus on keeping her as comfortable as possible. Perhaps, these professionals would be better able to point out the problems to management about the dirty linens and clothes, the salty diet, and the deferred maintenance/safety issues. I think it's worth  exploring the idea with her private doctor for a referral. The agency will be able to assess her for level of care and talk to you about how it's paid for (Medicare, Medicaid, private insurance). There's no obligation to researching this option.

Ed1937

Stewart, once again I agree with jm. I'm sorry it turned out this way. And like Hoot, I don't understand how they are allowed to stay open with problems like that. I wonder if administration even knows about that. It seems like they would, but who knows?

Scooterr

Stewart you definitely have a legit rant, you've worked your butt off trying to find a clean, safe and capable facility for your wife. I believe the Covid train is being over ridden. It has limited the ability of individuals to tour this facility, and there many problems are hidden, only after placement these problems are discovered. Stewart your problem isn't an isolated problem it's a national problem. Now before any one jumps on old Scooter (pp) I'm not saying all of them are, but there definitely has been an up take in complaints of facilities especially since Covid. Stewart I truly do hope you can get these problems resolved, I know you want the best for your DW. It sounds like with your description of the bathroom this has been a long term problem.

Fairyland

TBE I’m really sorry you are where you are and think your sadness is very justified. With your handy nature I’m sure those design flaws and problems drive you nuts. Could you get an occupational therapy consult from her dr, who will prescribe grab bars etc?

I only want to add that when my mom went into a home, her activity level fell dramatically for the first few weeks as she just kept going and sitting down all day. At home she had certain cues to get up and move around. Her ankles swelled up as a result. I made a fuss and got her wearing her support hose again but meanwhile she did start walking around more because a resident befriended her and wanted company on HER walks. That was the end of the swollen ankles. She still doesn’t wear the support hose either (forgets).

toolbeltexpert

Jm I met the director the other day when I asked about bringing in tv, He said ok. They have major cable issues, but the wifi is fine so I am gonna get a small TV and hook it to wifi. The funny thing was when I was coming in that evening he had an armload of carpenter tools, made me wonder if he is hands on director.  I just don't want to spill the apple cart.

Scooterr your right covid has been a mess in so many ways, I really want my wife to socialize but activities was the way I thought that would happen,and yes the bathroom has been that way to long.

Ed I wonder how long he has been here, I will get to know the director, I would rather be proactive in helping with solutions, heck I would volunteer to help, I have already told the activities director I would be willing to come and lead siging to a captive audience. Lol

FL thanks for sharing your experiences,I have started walking dw just a little she's holding the handrails now.

I love my wife and she is my Joy, she doesn't see any of this, she still thinks she's home. So I need to be thankful for what really matters. Now if I could just get a big bowl of ice cream that would make the world better. Having my wife still giving hugs and saying I love you means so much. 

Thanks everybody writing it out made me feel better, and expressing what really matters the most.

Joydean

Steward you have every right to vent. Wonder when was the last time that place was inspected by health department? From what you have said there are many code compliance failures. I think Scooterr is right, too many places are riding Covid train for all kinds of negligence.  That’s my personal opinion.

Doing the right thing to protect patience is one thing, but taking advantage of folks is cruel and inhumane. Money seems to be the biggest motivator for too many greedy companies. Again my opinion! 

Joydean

Steward you have every right to vent. From what you have said there’s a lot wrong with facility. Maybe the director has just taken on the job, maybe he will get things fixed. Maybe??? 

I’m glad you can visit often with your wife and spend time with her. That’s important. 

sandwichone123

Hi TBE, I'm so happy you can get to see her frequently, and that the administrator seems to be trying. If it is a Medicaid facility, there should be signs referring you to the ombudsman, but I think they may not be prominent. I think ombudsmen are underutilized resources.

You could try this link: https://www.tn.gov/aging/our-programs/long-term-care-ombudsman.html (from the link): Ombudsmen are trained to receive complaints and assist residents to resolve problems in situations involving quality of care, use of chemical or physical restraints, transfer and discharge, abuse and other aspects of resident rights.

They can be discreet, too, when needed, and not tell the facility you complained.

ImMaggieMae

Stewart, you have every reason to rant and vent about the condition of your dear wife’s care facility. Dirty linens and laundry, faulty bathroom fixtures and no TV or working cable in an $8300 facility is unacceptable. Aren’t safety bars in the bathroom required for this type of MC? Unfortunately, I read about complaints like this all too often. I feel sorry for you and your wife and I don’t know what to suggest. Is bringing her home and hiring some in home care an option? Perhaps with her new medications she would be less of a challenge to care for. Having someone in a few hours per day would give you some relief.

RobertsBrown

Eight Thousand Dollars.

Just because most people don't fight, price fixing has every facility in the same range, and the only people that will pay are the ones that have money, care, and are exhausted.

It makes me so angry.  Elder abuse is institutionalized. It's BS.

My wife and I are on the early onset train, and now that we are 64 and 69 we are just 'normal', but I still have enough of my youth left to make me want to fight.

I am old enough to fight with lawyers instead of fists.

It would please me to see you post about taking a good lawyer to visit your wife someday soon.

Rob-

Ed1937

This really makes no sense. I just looked up wages for TN and IN. Average yearly wage in TN is $41,934 (Aug. 2022). IN was $53,352 (first quarter 2021). Stewart is in TN. I am in IN. My wife was in a MCF which cost less than $4.500 per month. And the facility is "for profit", very well cared for, very good employees everywhere, as much as I could tell. Rooms were spacious and clean. No reason to think they were short staffed. I had no complaints. But Stewart lives in an area where wages are less, yet he pays more, and the facility seems less than desirable. Unfortunately, demand will be higher in the near future, and the big corporations will rake in the $$$$.