When to step in?

JC5

Trying to let my DH have as much independence for as long as possible. Two years since diagnosed with VD and beginning to see a decline, slow but steady. He no longer seems concerned about his hygiene. Has not been to dentist is 4 years, missing front teeth was supposed to get implants, has the posts but refuses to have the job done! He showers now once a week, refuses to go to PT to help with his gait and balance! I’m constantly bringing these issues up and he says he will address them but doesn’t.  I want to step in and just make these appointments for him but that will just take away more of his independence and I know it will be difficult to get him there. Suggestions?

Gig Harbor

You need to do it. He will say he will but he just won’t. None of those issues bother him and he probably doesn’t think about it. I had to make all appointments for my husband for medical and dental and I fought with him about showering every week Now that he is in memory care it is nice to let someone else direct that part of his care.

MaryG123

Yep, that’s where we’re at too.  He can’t be independent any longer, but I would start slowly.  I ask if my husband would like to call or would like me to and, if he wants to, I sit with him and take notes re the appointment.  Then I drive him there and go into the exam room with him, again taking notes.  I offer to let him do the same for me since “We’re both getting older and more forgetful.”  I put reminders in his phone for meds and hygiene, and remind him if he delays or forgets.  I usually remember to say “Would you please …”, take a shower, brush your teeth, put your shoes on, etc., which so far keeps him from getting angry.  I’m sorry to hear that your husband’s issues are progressing.  Hugs to you JC5.

Ed1937

If he already has the posts, the hard part is done. You need to make it happen because if you wait too long, it will NOT happen. But if he puts up too much of a fight, it might be better to just leave things as they are, and accept the fact that it will never happen. You have to weigh the pros and cons, and ask yourself if it really matters that much.

My wife went the "No bathing" thing. But one day one of our daughters was here, and took her mother into the bathroom, then came out with a clean mother!! From that day on, whenever something really needed to be done, and I had no chance of making it happen, I'd call our daughter. She would call back to talk to her mother. She would tell her that today was "shower day" or whatever needed to be done. This worked for over three years, until her mother went into MC. Point is that if there is someone (family member or very close friend?) who would talk to him about bathing, it might work better coming from someone other than you. It's sure worth a try, and the payoff can be big.

If the doctor ordered PT, you could tell him that he will lose his insurance (Medicare?) if he does not comply. Fiblets help, and Medicare is cutting costs by keeping people healthy or dropping them if they don't comply with doctor's orders. It helps if you let us know your ages.

JC5

Thanks  Ed. DH is 71 and I’m 70. So the Medicare route might work.

JC5

Again Tks to all who have responded. It does help.