How do you start bringing carers into the home?

torag

Four hours ago I would have said that we'd had a great day. After reading a couple of articles in the DAWN method I've been mindful of my facial expressions in dad's company and making sure that I smile when I enter a room or look at him. It's definitely made for an easier day regarding his behaviour and reactions as he seems to respond positively to the smiles.

Then mum came in to say she'd chatted with their lovely neighbour and he'll pop in on Wednesday afternoon to chat with dad while mum goes for long awaited chiropody appointment (I needed to be on my way home and one of my sisters will be coming over later to pick up the next shift). Armageddon ensued.....

Quite quickly my dad had convinced himself that the neighbour was coming round to molest him and my mum was in tears and refusing to talk to him any longer. The thought of this continuing for the next couple of days was too much so we cancelled the neighbour and I would travel home once mum returned.

But....we finally have a response from a social worker that they'll be in contact Wednesday with the plan to move things forward regarding getting respite carers in to support mum. Other than a bad night last night (we think he chucked his sleeping tablet down the sink) he is sleeping again so we don't think we have to go down the path of waking carers yet. But how the hell do we do it without a melt down every time????? Even getting the social worker in to assess the home situation is going to trigger him off

I said to mum that we shouldn't give him notice on anything - other than nice things - as he just becomes obsessed about it. Plus the pressure of being told that the neighbour was coming round to chat for an hour with just him would be traumatic for him as he is losing his language, can't follow a conversation and couldn't talk for an hour at the best of times. On top of that because of his memory he couldn't remember the neighbour so he considered it a stranger coming in. The whole thing was anxiety related.

Has anyone's OH or parent point blank refused carers or not come around to it at all? And if so, what on earth did you do?? Will carers still stay if the PWD is having a meltdown?

Thank you.

 

 

 

SusanB-dil

Hi torag - welcome to 'here', but sorry for the reason...  Whew - just posted something along those same lines because this is common.  You are not alone.

FIBLETS!  Do learn to use fiblets.  Turn it around as if you are 'helping the help'.  'They are there because they need the extra hours for their certification', or 'They are just needing a few extra bucks' or 'it is for his medicaid update for continued coverage'.  whatever works!

Agree - do not argue. Do not push the issue.

Rule #1 - do not try to reason with someone whose reasoning is broken. It only leads to everyone getting frustrated.  Rule #1 - the caregiver needs respite.  yes, both are rule #1.

However - do tell his doc about the sudden changes.  It could be UTI, some other infection, or could need a medication tweak.