What do I do next?(1)

Lizzielou

DH has FTD.  I tried to get both of us into an assisted living facility near our daughter so I would have some help.  Yesterday I went back there for a second look at the apartment, took DH with me and he behaved so badly that they said he needed to be medicated  and they wouldn’t be able to take him.  DH has no doctor, refuses to see one and is suspicious of any medications I try to give him (blood pressure and statin drug is all he is currently taking).

He is obsessed with buying a car and going to the bank to get cash so he can do so. Relentlessly and with verbal abuse he talks about it all day.

Where do I turn to next for help? Do I try another assisted living facility? I can’t keep this up. I have macular degeneration and won’t be able o drive much longer.

Faith,Hope,Love

Hi Lizzielou.  I think you need to get him to a doctor right away.  He needs a diagnosis and medication to calm him down.  You may have to tell a "fiblet" to get him there.  You could tell him that Medicare requires it.  Or if he wants to move to be closer to your daughter, tell him that the assisted living facility requires it.  You need to come up with a story he'll believe to get him to a doctor.  I'd take him to a neurologist or neuropsychiatrist.

As for the obsession of buying a car, I understand that all too well.  My DH has FTD also.  He talks endlessly about going to the grocery store so that he can get all the free stuff.  When he can't find the car keys (because I have them hidden) he gets upset.  I've learned to just kind of tune him out.  I listen for certain keys words but have learned to tune out the rest of it.

Keep us posted as to how you're doing!  Hugs and prayers for you!

Gig Harbor

Hi Lizzelou,

Ask the doctor who is prescribing his current meds to see him. Send them an email describing his symptoms and explain that he needs something now. You can say that he needs to go in in order to get more refills. Hopefully the doctor will give you meds for his hallucinations and tell him that they are BP meds. Otherwise stop the statins and fill the bottle with the new meds and hopefully he will think they are statins from a different manufacturer. Right now he can stop the statins if need be. If you can’t get him calm enough for assisted living could you move him to memory care and you could stay with your daughter until you can work something out. Maybe your daughter could look at memory cares and pick one out for him. 

I hope you are able to come up with a solution. Be sure your doctor knows that you plan to move and you need to have your husband in a calm, agreeable state. Assure him that when you get to your new town you will find a specialist for your husband. 

Joydean

I don’t have any good suggestions but the ones above are great ones. Just letting you know you are in my prayers!

Iris L.

For you, Lizzie, look into transportation for disabled and visually impaired people, such as Access.  You will need a way to get around for yourself.

Iris 

Ernie123

I second the good advice above about getting medication to deal with the agitation and upset. It will only get worse. You cannot deal with it through discussion and distraction and you can only handle so much stress.

My suggestion is try to find an assisted living facility that also has a secure memory care unit that could care for your DH if and when his condition progresses in the future. Living together in an assisted living facility may be easier  at first with some extra help available but you may be challenged with difficult behaviors that are more easily managed by a professional staff in a MCF. 

My DW lives in a secure MCF of 14 residents that is attached to an assisted living facility. Several of my DW’s fellow residents have moved down from the main building where their spouses remain. This arrangement seems to work well with minimal disruption when the move to MC must be made.

I know how difficult and stressful this time is for you. I had to rely on the good advice of my doctor, Alzheimer’s counselors and family members to make the right decisions about my DW’s care. I hope you find the support you need.     

M1

Lizzielou, I am so sorry for what you're going through.  I would imagine it's going to take inpatient care to even attempt to get him stabilized, and placed, and it will almost certainly be involuntary.  You need to tell them that you fear for your safety (that's the basis of involuntary admission) and that you can't take care of him any more.  There are medications that can be given by injection if necessary to calm him down until he can be more cooperative.

I know how hard this road is, and I wasn't dealing with FTD.