Finally happening

Kevcoy

It's finally happening.  My appointment with the neurologist that I made in Feb. is next week.  I think I'm pretty well prepared with a list of questions to ask and even drove to the clinic to see where it is located exactly because there is so much construction going on at the hospital next to it.  I need to ask you opinions on one touchy item though.  I have not told my DH about this appointment because I was afraid he would dig his heels in and say no way he would go.  He has said he doesn't want to see any other doctor then his PCP.  My thought is I'd tell him as we are driving there that it was an appointment for the two of us that his PCP thought would be a good idea.  I hate lying and I'm concerned about his reactions once there and afterwards.  Is this a good plan or do I need a plan B?

toolbeltexpert

Kevcoy. I had the same problem. I told her an 2hr before. I had written it on the calendar and made the excuse I forgot about it. She tried to back out but I said there was a 300 cancelation fee. That did the trick, it was still ruff but we got thru it. 

I am sure others have good strategies, everybody is different. You'll get thru this fine.  I allowed 2hrs. because prep time can get long. I hope you have a good visit. Let us know how it goes.

sandwichone123

Maybe your regular provider is out sick that day. There's no way you could have known, but now that you're there, you're there.

Ed1937

Kevcoy wrote:

I hate lying

When you lie, you are telling an untruth so you can benefit from it. Telling him an untruth for his benefit is not a lie. 

Stewart has a good suggestion. Another might be that Medicare insists that he follow his doctor's orders, and the doctor ordered that he see another doctor. If he refuses, Medicare will drop him from coverage because they are trying to cut costs by keeping the older population healthy. So it's either see the other doctor or lose Medicare.

M1

Kevcoy, just a suggestion:  Have you thought about giving the doc your list of questions AHEAD of the appointment?  This could be accompanied by any observations about his behavior you'd like to share.  That might help avoid or minimize uncomfortable conversations in his presence.  

Agree with the fiblets about insurance coverage as one of the best ruses.  This is a wellness visit required now by Medicare or we'll lose coverage.   Even fake a letter if you have to.  Huge cancellation fee.  I would tell him the day of and not before.

M1

ps good luck!

Pat6177

As for lying - or fiblets. One of the dementia programs I watched on YouTube (my apologies, I can’t remember the speaker) said that there’s a difference between telling a lie to deceive vs a lie to relieve. So your goal is to relieve your DH from the angst he would suffer if you told him the truth, from all the other possible negative reactions he might have to the information. I still struggle with this but have had enough times where I’ve used the truth and asked myself afterwards if a fiblet would have been kinder all around. And usually I have to admit, a fiblet would be better. I am improving on my use of fiblets.

Joydean

Kevcoy, wishing you good luck. When I first took my dh in for the testing I was afraid he would be angry or mad. But he is with the VA so I told him you know they are always sending us to different doctors. (Which was true) but I knew what we were going for, so I had to pretend and told him we have to do what they asked us to do. He agreed.  When the doctor started asking him a lot of questions dh did not like that part at all and he sure didn’t like all the test, he started getting tired and very agitated so the doctor stopped the testing and set up an appointment with psychiatrist. We had already done all the blood work and MRI. 

Let us know how it goes. 

Jo C.

The Medicare mandate and cancellation with a $300 fee is a good approach; and of course, the trusted primary MD made the appointment as required by Medicare.

What I did find helpful was to write a succinct but detailed memo outlining all of the changes in behavior, cognition and function and any other problems.  I sent this to the physician about three working days prior to the appointment.  I let staff know it was time sensitive to the appointment and requested it be given to the  physician as soon as possible.

I also carried a copy of the memo to the appointment in my handbag. While we were waiting to get into an exam room,  excused myself to  "use the bathroom."  I then proceeded to give the copy of the memo to the back office staff and asked them to please give it to the doctor asap before we went into the exam room just in case the doctor had not read the initial memo.  That made the exam far more relevant as the physician had full information and my LO would not have major meltdowns if I tried to talk about the problem issues within hearing distance.  That would have caused major problems.

That always worked out well and I used such memos for each physician for each appt. that would need information re condition.

Best of luck with the appointment; let us know how it goes, we will be thinking of you.

J.

Kevcoy

Thank you all for some wonderful suggestions.  It should be an interesting day.  Last Wednesday we had our carpets cleaned so had to move most of the items out of the room.  I dismantled a DVD tower and found an envelope in it from the neurology center that had paperwork in it that needed to be filled out prior to the appointment that DH had hidden away.  They requested a disc from his MRI he had done about 8 months ago.  I was so grateful I had the time to get it.  Thankfully I found the envelope and have clean carpets to boot.

Ed1937

Kevcoy, I can attest to the usefulness of making sure the doc gets a note describing any and all concerns. I have used this approach many times, and every time it was successful. A couple of times I wasn't sure if the doc read the note or not. I would catch him off to the side, and ask if he read it. The answer was always in the affirmative. Sometimes the doctor would just give me a nod while we were in the examination room, indicating he read the note. This can really be a game changer.

ImMaggieMae

Good luck with the appointment. We had to wait even longer than that to see a neurologist. So many retired around the time of Covid and there weren’t that many to begin with. It was well worth the wait in my DH’s case. It was a 2 hour appointment with him, myself and my sister who also lives here. He went without any argument but was pretty stressed and quiet while we were there. They set up meetings with a registered nurse in their practice for my sister and I to discuss any questions we had about care, a nutritionist because he was having some problems swallowing at the time and had lost over 10 pounds. They also ordered a PET scan. They have been very good about scheduling follow up appointments.  They increased one of the meds he had been taking which made a big difference in behaviors and eating.  Even they could see a big difference at his first followup appointment.  I hope your appointment goes as well.