Advice please(7)

Krimpet

Lately my aunt hasn’t been wanting to eat , not sleeping and being argumentative about hygiene, she speaks often about hurting me, refusing medications. Is it possible that I can take her to a hospital and they can possibly admit her to a psych unit for observation?

M1

Short answer yes, Krimpet, but there may be some solutions short of that--have you talked to her docs?  There are medications that might help that you could start at home and only resort to the hospital if they don't work.  Seroquel, for example, is great for sleep and agitation/agression both, and pretty safe in most circumstances.  Also comes in liquid, if you can't get her to take a pill you could put it in a milkshake or any drink---

Krimpet

Yes I’ve spoken with her physician and she referred me back to her Psychiatric nurse practitioner whom keeps telling me that she can’t manage all of my aunt’s behaviors with medication. My aunt is currently on Buspar 10mg twice daily, Risperidone 0.5 twice daily and remron 30mg trazadone 150mg at night. Previously she was on Klonopin twice daily, Zoloft, haldol. The Psych NP said that the medication regimen was inappropriate and weaned her off of those and my aunt was not on psych meds but has since gotten worse and now she’s on the new regimen and it isn’t working. The Psych NP doesn’t want to do seroquel because she thinks my aunt is at risk for falling, I disagree and wanted to try it because I feel my aunt would have success with it. It’s all so frustrating

M1

I agree, must be frustrating.  I know this takes some doing, but I would have no hesitation about going over her head and tell her you want to speak with her supervising physician, otherwise you want your aunt admitted.  Sounds like squeaky wheel time, to me.  

I don't know that Seroquel would have any increased fall risk compared to risperidone or Haldol, and if the risperidone isn't doing the trick, you are entirely correct that something needs to change. 

Good luck--let us know what's happening.

Krimpet

Thank you. I’m going to speak with the Psych NP and explain to her that I need her admitted if I’m unable to manage having in my home in this state. It’s truly a lot to deal with. I’ll keep you posted.

Krimpet

I wanted to update you. My aunt has gotten worse since my last post. I took her to the hospital and they admitted her. The nurse is supposed to follow up with me tonight but it’s 11:18 pm and  I doubt I’ll receive a call. The Nurse did say my aunt is acting up probably due to not being on any antipsychotics. I explained to her the situation and that my aunt is a danger in my home. I’m worried just thinking of her returning back here. If they call me tomorrow trying to discharge her, I’m going to tell them that she’s unable to return to my home. Hopefully the Socialworker can transfer her to a Skilled Nursing Facility. Any thoughts on this? I really don’t want her back

mommyandme (m&m)

Is she admitted to Geriatric Psych ward or to regular hospital? Maybe a transfer to the specific type of hospital could be the next move?  Not sure.  From what I’ve read from these wise folks, telling them you cannot bring her back home is the right way to have her admitted to a facility.

Let us know.   

Lizaru

We are going through similar things with my mother. We’ve been told that the only way to get her into a nursing home Long Term Care is to do exactly what you are doing. Go to ER, say she is not safe at home, that we are concerned with our safety (she is hitting and biting) and the ER is obligated to find her a bed in a nursing facility. We are applying to LTC facilities, also, on the chance that the stars align and a bed should open up in a facility of our choice. But, man is it frustrating. I am very disappointed in her docs’ response to her situation. It leaves me feeling really alone, at my wit’s end, and hopeless! It is a comfort that there is someone else going through the same thing. Thank you for writing. I’ve already mostly gotten over my guilt at sending her somewhere, but it’s just untenable now.

jfkoc

Doing a drug interaction on the current meds using drug.com there are 3 major interactions and 2 moderate one that you need to be aware of and watch out for.

Most often I think we are thrown into being responsible for another human being with zero training. One of the pioneers in "caregiving" is Teepa Snow. If you google her name with a specific problem you are facing she will likely have some advice to share. 

Another pioneer is Naomi Feil and her valadation theory.

I would give each of these ladies a look-see. They might be helpful to you at this point in your journey.

Krimpet

I wanted to update everyone , she’s still in the hospital on a psychiatric unit. I did call and check on her and they inform me that they don’t have my information and that they have to ask her permission (I’m in total shock as my aunt is out of her mind but ok) then the nurse gets back on the phone and tells me that she said it was ok and that she’s doing fine. I again provide my phone number and ask her if any information is needed such as her pcp info, etc etc. The nurse says she’ll relay the message to the doctor. I’ve since received a call from her case manager stating that Adult Protective Services is involved. No one has called me, not even adult protective services. I’ve since spoken with the hospital social worker who called me because the nurse told her that I had called and checked on her that day. I asked about possible discharge date and advised that I have a few Skilled Nursing Facilities in mind. The social worker was completely shocked that I didn’t want her to return to my home. I advised the admitting physician, the nurse and now the Socialworker. The Socialworker is questioning me about why I don’t want her home. I advised her it’s a safety issue and I have a small child and go into details about lack of family support and her behaviors. The Socialworker says “ well she’s on her medication now and doing better. I reply “ I don’t want her at my house it’s not safe for her to be there, I don’t have anyone to watch her. The Socialworker then says “ well she can’t go into a Nursing Home if she’s not skilled. I explain that my aunt has dementia and is not about to sustain herself, cook clean nothing for herself, incontinent of bowel and bladder , ADLs everything. She says she’ll call me back. Then I hear back from the case manager who says she had an opportunity to speak with the APS worker and he advised he is investigating because of statements that my aunt made in the hospital regarding family members  yet she does not tell me what was said. She tells me it’s too awful to repeat. . She does tell me that she gave him my number but yet still no calls. I’m beyond frustrated and angry. I should not have taken my aunt into my home. Now she’s out of my home and still being accusatory, all this on top of working. I finally have my life back and I just can’t seem to get rid of her. She had a tele health appointment today with psych but I missed it because I was asleep. The psych NP left a message about her being in the hospital ( I didn’t have an opportunity to speak with her yet she knows) probably the APS worker got a hold of her physicians during the investigation ) The psych NP then says during her voicemail that she wanted to discuss her hospitalization. I’m done talking about this sh-- with any of these darn* people. The day I took my aunt to the hospital, I tried contacting psych on call as advised by her psych NP and the answering service took my info and advised call backs are 24 hours. By the time they tried calling me back it was the next day mid afternoon and my aunt was already hospitalized. I’m so frustrated. I don’t want anything to do with this at all. At all. I took my aunt in and put my life on hold for 2 years, missed job opportunities, making sure I took her to all of her appointments, all the showers, meals and constantly washing her clothing. I don’t want to be bothered. I should’ve never took her in. Not worth all this aggravation

M1

Krimpet, do you hold her powers of attorney? That is going to matter here. Maybe easier for you if you dont, but unless she has funds for private care this may not resolve itself easily. If what she needs is custodial care, she will need to be qualified for Medicaid. I'm sorry it's so difficult.

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MN Chickadee

You've received good advice, follow it. If you do not want to be her guardian then consult an elder law attorney right away to dis-entangle yourself and make sure APS can't accuse you of any wrong doing.  The psych hospital cannot force you to take her home but they will put pressure on you to do so. It makes their job much easier  if you just take her, instead they will have to find placement for her. It sounds like it is time to get out of this, let APS get her placed and with a state appointed guardian (or is there other family who can do it?) and to focus on your job and children.

Krimpet

I do not have any guardianship papers or any legal authority over her. I’m so happy to learn that I can just walk away and stop answering. I’m truly done. APS has never contacted me, the Socialworker from the hospital called me yes and was trying to tell me it’s hard to get her placed because of her mental health issues. Of course she’s never mentioned APS or any investigation. The Socialworker from the hospital is now saying that the Skilled Nursing Facilities will have to contact me and they are trying to get her discharged by next Wednesday. She is claiming they need to speak with me because I know her information. I’m not going to answer anymore calls and just be done with this mess. I’m really pissed at everything. I am aware that I have myself to blame for keeping her. She’s done so much and still I’ve kept her when I knew better. The disease progresses and the behavior gets worse. How could I have managed that alone??? I couldn’t but tried to when I knew better. I’m glad she’s out of my house. I don’t know what’ll happen after this with her but I don’t want to even know about it or have anything to do with her. I don’t even want to see her again. Ever. All of this is a nightmare. A true nightmare. Thanks for reading and responding. You are appreciated

Coco3

This is my first forum to sign up for to connect with others. I think my aunt has early stage dementia.  She is 86.  Very stubborn, and has gotten mean and hateful.  My brother lives with her.  Recently she has started saying she can hear someone knocking on her bedroom door or that someone is trying to break in her bedroom window.  She wakes up every night and wakes my brother up as well.  She has called the police on a few occasions.  She has security cameras set up around the house and an alarm system as well.  There is absolutely no way she would consider that she is showing signs of dementia or go to the doctor for this.  Does anyone know if there is medication to treat the hallucinations in case she does finally want to go to the doctor?  Any input is appreciated.

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Krimpet

My aunt is not considered a tenant at my house as she’s not on my lease. Furthermore I don’t have any legal authority over her and I am not her next of kin her mother and her siblings are. The only property that she has at my home are clothes. As I stated I don’t want to be bothered with her. I couldn’t find any laws stating that I am bound by anything to take care of her or take her in. No laws. She’s 59 years old, her next of kin need to step in but they won’t. This will not fall on me because I tried to help her. There are no laws that say I have her by default or anything of that nature. I’m done done done. I feel good getting back to focusing on my life and my child who is 5 years old and I am legally responsible for. Ok!

Krimpet

Just wanted to follow up, the APS case was unsubstantiated and my aunt is in a longterm care facility. I’m so happy to be done, My other aunt (the one who wouldn’t take her in to begin with  and the one whom I found out filed the APS report) is now taking her. She lives in VA so she’s coming to get her and being the “Hero” I’ve learned from this situation, I’m a little bothered by it but I’ve certainly learned. I should not have taken her in PERIOD. I’ve sacrificed so much of my time and life because I didn’t want her to die in a Nursing Home. I didn’t want her to be mistreated. In the end I got burned really badly, my grandmother (my aunts mother), my father and my aunt were all in cahoots. They are even accusing me of spending my aunts social security check. I didn’t need her nor did I benefit from her in any type of way, talking about filing charges. Of course this information was relayed to me they haven’t spoken to me directly but are avoiding my calls. They were even talking about filing a report with Child services, my child has nothing to do with any of this. Malicious family members, where were they when I needed help with my aunt? I always had to find someone to watch her or I couldn’t work. The sleepless nights, I’m over it. I hope they don’t go any further and just take her and leave me alone.