Moving to MC this Thursday

John1965

I’ve signed a contact with a memory care facility. Thursday is moving day. 

Advice has been almost universal to spring this change on DW that morning. 

Any good advice for what to say? How to handle the message? It feels like a betrayal even though I know that it’s the best decision for her well-being and mine. 

Thanks in advance! 

dayn2nite2

I wouldn't even say anything.  Take her there, have staff take her and show her around while you bring items into the room/clothing/whatever and then LEAVE.

Call staff later to check and see how she's doing.

If you tell her before you're running the risk of her having a catastrophic reaction that might prevent you from even taking her in the car.

Ernie123

Definitely do not discuss in advance. The staff at these facilities are used to settling people in. Your DW will react very differently with the staff and respond to them in a more positive way than with you. She would also probably pick up on your stress level if you attempted any discussion. So make up an excuse or fib about going in to see a room or something. Ask the staff for their suggestions in advance.

It is very difficult and you may need support yourself in the coming days. But the burden of her care is lifted from your shoulders and you must let it go and let the staff there do their job. I waited until they called me after about three days before I visited my DW. Sometimes it is a week or two. 

I think the move is harder on the caregiver in many ways that it is for the PWD.  Be strong, you can do it. Let us know how it goes.

Beachfan

I have no advice; when DH was placed, we were advised, “No fanfare.”  Not to worry. DH was oblivious to family, friends, and all surroundings long before “drop off” day.  It made it easier; it made it harder.  Best of luck; I will be thinking of you.

toolbeltexpert

John I wouldn't say a thing, maybe it's a trip to visit someone, I am planning on a move next week myself from a nhf to a mc. I am gonna either take all her stuff the night before or day of and we will be visiting while the staff brings in the stuff. Then I am gonna drive around make like it's going back to the other place. It's gonna be hard, but I can pull it off with the staff. It is definitely harder on the caregiver. I most likely will visit next day. But everyone is different. I will play it by ear.

I'll be praying for you. Keep us posted.

M1

Will be thinking of you John.

Joe C.

John, When I placed DW I did not tell her anything. I scheduled the drop off to coincide with a music event they were having and since DW loves music. She just went into the activities room with a staff member and  I finished up the paperwork. I hope the transition goes smoothly for you & you wife.

Ed1937

John, I wish I had some advice for you, but our situations were different. My wife was transported from a hospital stay. We just told her it was to a better place for rehab.