Thinking about Queen Elizabeth II

Iris L.

Often in our culture we think our children or grandchildren will be there to take care of us in our old age, especially as we are failing.  In her case, only her two eldest were able to leave where they were to get to her bedside at her time of need.  She had doctors and attendants, but it probably wasn't the same as having her children there.  Why am I bringing this up?  For a long time, it has been unspoken that elders without children to attend to them are at a disadvantage.  We are stuck only with strangers to attend us.  But, I realize, in reality, we are like Queen Elizabeth, relying on strangers and non-family at our most precious time.  She had everything in the world that a woman could want, but she still didn't have her family with her.  For all I know, perhaps she didn't want family around.  But many of us would like to have someone we are close to, to be around us when we make that last journey.  But it's not always possible.

This is what I am thinking about now--dying alone.  I'm not the only one, I might be like Queen Elizabeth, all alone.

Iris

loveskitties

My father died alone, in his sleep, while in MC facility.  From all indications, it was a peaceful passing.

I do not fear death or being alone when it happens.

What I fear, for myself and those I love, is a slow or painful death.  To go to sleep and never wake again is my wish when my days here on earth are over.

Joydean

Like Loveskitties, I’m not afraid of dying.  There’s no reason to be afraid when you know where you are going. But I do fear for my family should I have Alzheimer’s. 

Was very glad for the queen that her son’s made it. She was truly a very gracious Lady and loved by many. 

Iris L.

I think you both missed my point.  I DON'T like the idea of being alone, surrounded by strangers, in my last hours, but I have to accept it.  Even Queen Elizabeth had to accept it.  I'm not afraid of dying, I know where I am going.  Being alone at the end is evidence that there is no one to care.  So be it.

BTW, she was sitting alone at her husband's funeral--my heart broke for her.

Iris

Joydean

Iris I get it , but for me I’m hoping I can just go to sleep and not wake up. I can’t stand the thought of my kids just sitting by and having to go through that ordeal. To me that’s a very hard thing to deal with. Those that care will see me before that last breath and those that don’t, well that’s okay too. I

I worked in a nursing home many years ago and I loved all the people I cared for. ( I was 19 at the time) and to me the saddest thing was after these people were dropped off, no one came back to see them. I was the one that sat with them during their last breath, and the only ones at their funeral was the undertaker and myself. That’s being alone and not cared about. One very sweet little lady told me, “it’s okay no one else is here, my sweet Jesus will soon take my hand “ I have never forgotten her words.  

That’s so sad that the Queen was sitting along at her husband’s funeral. 

Iris L.

Joydean wrote:

 . One very sweet little lady told me, “it’s okay no one else is here, my sweet Jesus will soon take my hand “ I have never forgotten her words.  

What wise words from the lady!  I will remember them.

Shortly before our mother passed, my brother and I were able to talk and say good-bye, so to speak.  I feel like my mother didn't have to take her last journey with unfinished business or words not said.  I may be unusual, but that's how I feel.

Iris

Beachfan

My mom died in January, 2020, at age 101 1/2.  She had been in a NH for several years close to my home.  I was able to visit just about daily (she did not have Alz.). I took DH along to each visit; as he progressed, it became harder to manage.  When it was clear that she was actively dying, I agonized over how to handle keeping a vigil, knowing DH also required constant care.  A sweet nurse said, “We are your mom’s family now.  We will see her through this journey if you are unable to.”  I stayed with her as late into the night as I could and kissed her goodbye; she died at 4:15 the next morning.  When I arrived at the NH later that morning, her room was filled with “family”- - staff who had taken turns sitting with her, holding her hand, playing soft music, easing her passing, assuring she was not “alone”. I will be eternally grateful for this kindness.

On a lighter note (sort of), there is a 25’ flagpole in front of our house at the ‘shore.  My parents bought the house in 1951 and for as long as I can remember, someone raised the flag each morning and lowered it each evening when we were here.  I continue the tradition - - joking with friends that if the flag is up, “the queen is in residence”.  Today, the flag is flying- - at half staff in honor of her majesty.  

Mint

Joydean thank you for sharing what the lady said to you.  Very precious and hope I never forget it.

Iris L.

That's a wonderful story, Beachfan.

Sayra, they're wonderful words to remember. 

Iris