Is this what is called sundowner?

notjolly

Back story, my brother had a lady friend in his apartment complex that like to feed feral cats that were living down in the garage area. She always said she didn't have money to feed them and couldn't go down there because of her bad leg, so my brother bought the food and fed the cats. So anyway today around 4 in the afternoon he come out of his room and says to me, we have a problem. I asked what was the problem and he tells me that he is worried about the cats, that his friend loves those cats, and that it was his duty to buy the food and feed them and he is afraid that they could be dying because he isn't there to feed them.

I said they will be ok they are wild cats and can find food. He gets all upset and tells me that I don't understand and begans to cry. Says my friend loves those cats and I need to help her. send her money and talk to her about the cats.

I am dumbfounded and just look at him. Seeing that he is really upset about it I tell him don't worry about it I will try to contact her about the cats leave it to me. With that he is fine and goes back to his room.  That was out of the blue. Is that what people are calling sundowners and at what stage does this start happening. He said I haven't seen her for over a year and a half. It has only been 2 months!! When I call him down for dinner later , it is like it never happen. 

This whole dementia thing has me on the ropes I tell you. From saying I'm stealing his money, to I tied him up, gagged him and kidnapped him brought him to this jail, talking about how nice it is here. It's all over the place. I've been reading alot about dementia and wondering which one will I have to deal with more his stage 4 prostate cancer the doctors says he has about 2 years left or dementia which from what I have read goes on for years.

HollyBerry

So, I wonder if the concern for the cats is real (more on this in a minute) but his emotional response to it reflects the changes in his brain.  I can totally imagine my partner having this exact conversation about the birds.  She fed the birds religiously for a long time, and we had the squirrels and mice and other problems to prove it, and last year I made an excuse not to spend crazy amounts of money on bird food after we spent crazy amounts of money on exterminators for the squirrels and mice in the attic -- and we have since had small meltdowns about feeding the birds. 

If he is truly concerned about the cats and his friend, there might be a local rescue in his city that manages the feral cat colonies.  If it exists, it shouldn't be too hard to find it, send them a message along the lines of "is anyone aware of the colony at X apartment complex, their caretaker has moved away and they may be in need."  Then you have an honest answer for him next time he asks.

Re the emotional response being out of whack - remember it's not out of whack to him, he feels it as truly and honestly as any other feeling.  I have a hard time with this part and I take a lot of deep breaths and remind myself there's very little on her mind right now so what is there becomes a BIG deal, BIG emotions and less ability to take perspective or see them in context.

And yes, we will feed the birds this winter, just not in summer when no bird goes hungry in our wooded garden neighborhood 

mommyandme (m&m)

 https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/alzheimers-disease/expert-answers/sundowning/faq-20058511

Above is link from the Mayo Clinic that may help.  I’m not inclined to insert sundowning into your description of your brother’s concerns.  Even the accusations that we’re thieves (many of us have experienced this)  is often a side affect of dementia and may happen at any time of the day.  Although, many behaviors happen during the sundowning phases too.  I think of sundowning as a period of time that involves some type of mental and possibly physical discomfort that occurs at similar times, often daily, with a similar duration.  

Sorry you’re here but glad you are.  Thanks for sharing.  

notjolly

Thank you everyone for your replies. The friend at his apartment complex isn't worried about the cats. The manager of the apartment and most of the tenents in the apartment complex don't want the cats and told me they were going to take care of that soon. I think he just wants to feel like someone needs his help and that is the only thing he did outside of his apartment. He hasn't said anything about it since I said I would take care of it. Now we are on dentist appointments, he wants his teeth cleaned but doesn't want it to cost more than $30. It is always something, also he "needs to get on the road". So good days and bad days I get it. I never know what it's going to be until he walks down from his room, but I know it's going to be a long day.