If I could end it all for her

Hoot619

I would do it, laying in the bed and slowly coming to her end of life. I wish and pray that it would end quicker for her.  The kids are hurting and so am I. I guess its grief that I am going thru.

 Usually reading this forum helps me a lot. Today not so much it just that I miss her so darn* much , the last 3-4 months have been hell .

  Chipping away on me not letting me be the husband I should be for her thru these times.  I know I did the best I could but it could have been better.

I went shopping today and met a friend in the parking lot.  He is going thru the same with his wife but is in the earlier stages .  He can't leave her alone for any time at all-that is minutes.

I'm feeling a little  better now and have a meeting in 3 1/2 hours. Daughter will be up by then and will visit with her after the meeting.  Just letting you know how I am doing. Hoot

Ed1937

Thanks for the update. Hurting is inevitable for us. I just wish it were easier. You did what you could. I hope she goes soon.

Joydean

Hoot you did the very best you could do. You did as much as anyone could. Focus on the good times, when she would laugh, the times when she could tell you she loves you. She knows you love her. My heart goes out to you and your family.

Hoot619

Thanks Joy and Ed, your comments mean a lot to me. Ken

Mint

Ken I am so very sorry.

toolbeltexpert

I am sorry this is so hard, you are a great caregiver, and as you gather around Jan we are gathered around you both in our prayers.

Stewart 

Hoot619

Thanks again everyone, I made my meeting and shared and listened to the others. After that went and saw my daughter and visited with her for a while. Shared some memories of her Mom with her.  I'm in pretty good mood right now also eating pickled herring and crackers, that is what I had for lunch too.  Had a craving for it. I'll be getting off this now til tomorrow.

I hope everyone gets a good nights sleep.   Hoot

Jeff86

You have given it your all, Hoot.

We are with you in spirit as we are walking each other home.

Hoot619

Well I'm up dog woke me at 6:15 fed him let him out , he was sleeping on my bed a bit ago with head on my pillow. I've been keeping up with both forums on here, it helps.  I noticed my coffee was extra hot , I forgot to put me teeth in.

I did do something for myself yesterday,got the pontoon boat registered in my grandson's name and also got the outboard started. It kept my mind of things for a while.

Today read what M1 wrote about coming home to empty house and tears started to flow and as I am typing this the same is happening.  For 1 thing it shows me that I love her dearly and really miss her.  I guess it's grief , I hope she goes quickly.    

I'm very thankful that I'm not on this road alone, your prayers and comments mean so much to me.  Thank you all again. Hoot

Hoot619

Well I'm up the nice dog woke me at 6, now he is sleeping with head on my pillow. I've been reading what has been posted for today and keep up with both caregiver forum.  I noticed my coffee is extra hot even thou I added cold water to cool it a bit. Might help to put my teeth in.     Had a lot running thru my mind during the night,usually it is on Jan but last night was something else.     I read the one that MI remarked about coming home to a empty house and  as I'm typing this I'm tearing up

dayn2nite2

Has the hospital staff indicated that she is actively dying currently or are they still trying to find a facility that will accept her?  At this point, any nursing home should be able to accept her as a transfer.

Hoot619

They told my daughter no place will take her, she hasn't eaten or drank anything in 10-11 days. IV was in her but probably only for a day, I had it pulled.  Jennifer was with her held her hand and she pulled it away this morning. Same happened with me later today I told her I loved her.   I sat with my own Mother years ago at her own end of life.  Seems like it was easier.  Daughter going back to see her later, now it is just the waiting for her to pass. 

   Trying to live life on life's terms and it isn't easy. All of us here are going to be going thru this sooner or later, we can't escape it.  Hoot

dayn2nite2

Okay, so they are planning for her to pass at the hospital.

I'm sorry, this is not an easy part of the journey.

Jo C.

Hoot, a thought crossed my mind.  Hospice provides care in Nursing Homes; they contract for beds.  I just wonder, if a NH was still the choice, if Hospice may possibly have a way to obtain a bed in a NH due to the needs when they have a patient on service that can no longer be managed at home.  Wonder if they can gain availability.

One could make a call to a couple of Hospices and ask to speak to the Nursing Supervisor, (not the nice person answering the phone), and letting them know of the situation and not being able to gain a NH bed and that your wife is in the acute Hospital. You can relate to them; that all life sustaining measures have been withdrawn and she would be a Hospice patient if she were not in an acute hospital.

Be firm in that she is no longer a candidate to return home.  See if they have a way to gain a bed for her and are able to take her on as a patient.  OR; if they do not have a bed, even though Hospice is not supposed to provide care in an acute hospital setting, since your wife is a DNR and is not receiving any life sustaining care, and NH beds are not available, there may be a way for them to wangle around that.

Don't know; just a thought, it would take making a couple of calls if you were interested in a NH bed rather than having her in the acute med center.  The call and preference are yours.

You and your daughter are doing a wonderful job of support and being good advocates for Jan; I am glad that you are also receiving support from your fellow travelers at your meetings.  That is great.

J.

Hoot619

I'm to the point now that why move her, let her die in peace. My daughter is keeping up with this with me.  I'm going to call elder lawyer office in the morning and ask for advice.  From what Tracy told my daughter no beds anywhere. When I asked  the RN, her vital signs are still normal. I haven't received a letter yet from hospital  on anything.  I don't know if that is good or bad. Hoot

jmlarue

Ronald Regan's motto was "Peace through strength." Stay strong and insist she not be moved. She deserves a peaceful end. The hospital is staffed and equipped to keep her comfortable. It's not unreasonable to ask that they do that for her.

Lifting you all up in prayer.

Ed1937

Hoot, when my wife passed, they asked me if I wanted to keep her in the hospital or take her home with hospice. I chose the hospital because it would take time for hospice to set everything up at home, and they were able to keep her comfortable at the hospital. Just something to think about.

abc123

Dear Hoot,

I want you to know you, your wife and daughter are in my prayers and my thoughts. I have misplaced the journal that hospice and the caregivers kept for my mom. She died on the morning of July 23rd. I know everyone is different. My mom's vital signs were good. There were RN's coming and going the last couple of weeks. My mom was not showing any signs of active dying and didn't until the morning she died. She ate and drank tiny amounts the day before she died, hardly anything at all. The night before she died her breathing had changed. It wasn't in a bad or scary way, it was just different. I knew she was close to the end of her life but there were no signs of active dying during her last days. It was as if she decided that was the day she would leave us and she did. It was peaceful, quiet and quick. I hope and pray it's the same for your precious wife. 

Sending peace to you and your daughter.

Hoot619

I missed calling the Elder Attorney he closes at noon on Fridays, I was up to see her around 12:30 today.  She was sleeping or resting eyes closed but she did open them once and looked at me. She didn't get upset for a change. Our daughter stopped to see her too but she remained asleep. Yesterday when she was up made a phone call so Jan's best friend could talk to her. They grew up together and she had promised Jan she would always talk to her no matter if Jan could reply or not. She was a RN and one heck of a friend, I hope Jan could hear her and know who it was.  Hoot

MaryG123

I’m glad she had a peaceful day Hoot.

Joydean

Hoot I’m glad Jan got to hear her friend. Also glad for you she didn’t get upset with you there. Hoot just want you to know I’m sending prayers up for you and your family. 

Ed1937

Hoot, I feel like she knew she had a call from her friend. You're doing an excellent job keeping things all together. I'm going to bed shortly, and I'll talk to the man upstairs for you and Jan.

Hoot619

This forum is like my other fellowship, one big family we all know and have experienced or will experience what others are going through. We are here for each other and I know it works.Where would I be without you people, facing this alone. I couldn't do it by myself. I can't thank all of  you enough for your thoughts, advise and prayers.  Ed just said it's bedtime, sounds like a good idea.  Good night all.  Hoot

rlpete

Hoot - I've been following your story. Not much I can add but you are doing a great job with caretaking. I wish you and your family peace during this difficult time.