DH wants a divorce

ElCy

My DH is pretty early on but on a number of occasions (particularly on my day off) he doesn’t know we are married and when I explain we are he wants a divorce. He wants to know who has the deed to the house (he signed it over to me but doesn’t remember). Today I played along and said I would find a lawyer and he should find one too. He wants to sell the house. I said we’d first have to paint and get new carpets etc. While I know he will go back to wanting to be married it scares me whenever he talks like this. I don’t know if I should tell him how much he will need me in the future, how important it is that we don’t sell the house, etc. in the past he was aware of his Alzheimer’s but I don’t know if he still is. He has no family, no children. I’m it, the only one to take care of him.

dayn2nite2

As you already know, he can't process what his needs will be in the future or appreciate the care you give to him now or in the future.

As long as he isn't becoming aggressive and/or kicking you out of the house, that's fine, but if there is any threatening behavior I would make sure my cell phone is charged and on my person in case I need 911.

sandwichone123

I think you're wise to take the, "ok, as soon as we..." approach with agreeing, but we'll have to paint, etc. I have both heard and experienced that "yes and" is the way to go. Yes, we'll sell the house and there is a lot to be done (several months worth of stuff) before we can sell it. You are not then obligated to start doing those things.

When my dh first retired, he was all about getting a new job, so I was vaguely supportive (happy sounds, but not helping with the process), and pretty soon that idea petered out. I'm thinking these will too.

M1

This kind of talk from our LO's hurts, regardless, ElCy, I know.  There's no talk of divorce, but for years now my partner has forgotten our history together, forgotten what kind of work I do, has forgotten my children and most of her family, all of it.   When I go visit now in MC there's clearly progression, there are many more "holes" in her conversation, and confabulation to fill in.  It's so hard, and I know it must sting for you to hear that.  Surreal when you can't respond with logic.

Ed1937

ElCy, I think you are handling it well. Logic won't work, but by playing into his thoughts, that might work for a while. Then hopefully he'll forget all about it.