Happy, content , 'tis a puzzlement

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M1

It is neurologically very interesting V.  Im aware of two syndromes-Down and Williams-that can be associated with striking cheerfulness and happy demeanor.  There are probably more.  May all come down to things we still don't understand about the parts of the brain affected.

Iris L.

Victoria, I am a person with significant memory loss but I do not have Alzheimer's Disease.  I have a medical degree and practiced as a doctor for several years.  I have issues with both articles.  One said happiness is related to memory.  I disagree.  In the past several years, I have traveled overseas to Israel, several cities and places in Europe, China, Egypt, Alaska, Hawaii and locally.  I remember going on these trips but I don't remember much about them.  Something was mentioned about needing to take lots if photos in order to be happy about the trips. I have hundreds of photos, most of which I have never looked at.  I have no interest in looking at them. Yet, I thoroughly enjoyed myself when I was traveling, and I have happy memories of having taken the trips, even though I don't remember the details. 

 I wish those writers had interviewed me.  IME, memory is not important to happiness.    Many caregivers push their PWDs to participate in activities and conversations that they no longer can participate in, in a socially acceptable way.  Caregivers want accuracy, whereas PWDs tend to confabulate.  So, what?  PWDs require consistency in order to have a chance of retaining a bit of  functioning.  I call this living a Groundhog Day life.  PWDs can be happy with this type of life.  But Caregivers balk at this life.

PWDs need to live in the present.  In our culture, we travel back and forth between the past, the present and the future in our conversation.  It is normal, but very confusing and traumatic to a PWD.  I have trouble following conversations.  I have trouble following some posts on these message boards.  If this is difficult for me, and I don't have AD, how much harder is it for a PWD to keep up with conversation.  Anxiety and unhappiness ensue.  

My social life has diminished  I cannot keep up.  But I make do the best I can.  I don't tell people I have memory problems because I have learned that people don't want to hear that.  If people notice that I have trouble,  I tell them that I have trouble hearing, people are more accepting of being hard-of-hearing.

Overall, I am happy because I have a happy personality.  It bothers me when people don't understand me and I am distressed in the fact that my life is falling apart, but I keep working on not letting things get to me.  I also limit the outside world, such as tv and the news and definitely social media.  I call this living in my bubble--I'm a bubble-girl!

Thank you for sharing.  I look forward to your posts.

Iris

alps

I am a spouse of a PWD who finds happiness in watching reruns of Seinfeld and Friends. The  TV is very loud and since he"s watching the same shows over and over, this was driving me crazy.   For months, I tried to interest him in playing cards or doing anything else that seemed to me to be more proactive in fighting off his memory loss.  I now finally understand that this attitude just makes him feel bad, as if he failed a test, and stressed me out because I felt that way too.  What Iris wrote really resonated with me - he can find happiness in his present and I need to accept him where he is. But it's very hard.

CatsWithHandsAreTrouble

Iris, I wouldn't mind having the same thing over myself. Mom loves PBnJ sandwiches and I would happily give her that for lunch everyday if it wasn't for a deep, ingrained saying in my head that I can't just have the same thing everyday. I wonder why that is. Groundhog days sound fine to me

Iris L.

CatsWithHandsAreTrouble wrote:

 Groundhog days sound fine to me

My point is, Groundhog Day is only fine for the brain-compromised, who cannot handle changes.  Normal people don't need Groundhog Day.  It would be like expecting an able-bodied person to walk with crutches,  or for a person to wear eyeglasses who doesn't need them.  It is normal and expected for caregivers to be uncomfortable with a life of Groundhog Day for themselves, but this is what the PWD does better with.  The challenge is that a balance will have to be sought in order for there to be satisfaction for both parties. I hesitate to write "happiness" because maybe there won't be happiness. 

Iris