talk me off the ledge.

notjolly

My brother got a CD come due and he didn't want it renewed because he said he was going to use it to get out of the jail that he says he is in here. He wants to be free. I told him his car battery had died because it was 8 years old. Now he wants a new battery so he can leave. He won't cash the Cashier check because he doesn't want me to get any of it. He won't go to his doctor appointments now. Says he is fine. Won't eat his food because he says we have to talk about him being in prison and not being allowed to drive. Which the doctors said it was unsafe.

I don't have POA because he is too far along for that I've gone into all the other stuff in earlier posts. My question is how do I get him to let me help him. I know that he wants to live by my himself and do what he wants but he wasn't eating, wasn't taking his medicine and was drinking and sleeping all day. With a broken leg he couldn't get around. He has a neurological appointment in Dec. he has to go to. Maybe by that time he will not remember all this.

He wants to be free...so do I

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sandwichone123

Notjolly, I have no answers. Nevertheless, come in off the ledge.

Some day you will be free. Some day he will be free of this. The challenge for both of you is to transition from now to then. Right now, you are both bound. Him, by his condition and you by your responsibility. Trying to make him happy will tend to make you more unhappy. At this point you either keep him and try to gain guardianship so you can make responsible decisions on his behalf, or try to get out from under this burden. Either way it's going to be stressful and difficult, and you'll end up feeling bad about it. Please do remember that you didn't choose for him to develop this chronic and terminal illness, and you do not have to feel guilty about it.

notjolly

Victoria and Sandwich,

Thank You for your replies. I have to contact the elder lawyer again and ask about the guardinship and the court supervision. When I called her the last time, we talked on the phone and she emailed me / wedsites of people to contact. I did contact a few and got more wedsites to look at. 

One day he is ok and getting along and then if you bring up going to the bank, doctor, or his car he goes off the rails. He started calling a nephew over and over saying I was trying to manulate him and take his money and he wanted the nephew to come get him and get this fixed  because it was big trouble. He did the same thing with me when he was in rehab. they were trying to get is money and something was up and I needed to come get him out of that place. Come to find out they were just arranging a ride to the doctor in front of him. 

Yes I have to do something because this is not a good thing for either of us.

CatsWithHandsAreTrouble

Notjolly, I suppose you could try making a list of words not to use around him that would upset him. I have seen others not mention where they are taking the PWD (person with Dementia) until they're there.

Sadly a lot of this is going to be trial and error, finding something that works for you. And then one day, it might not work anymore and you'll have to start over again. 

Keep trying, you're doing your best and that's okay. We're in this journey together. One step at a time.