Grief Counseling

Lills

To those who have recently lost a LO; I'd like to add my 2 cents worth of suggestions regarding grief counseling:

1.  Wait a month.  I think it took me that long to be able to even say DH's name out loud without crying.  

2.  Make sure you are a 'fit' for this support group in advance.  The hospice SW recommended a zoom support group and I didn't know enough to question whether it was a good fit for me.  All 6 members of this group had been together for a long time (1.5 years?).  They were in a totally different place than I was after one month of DH's death.  I could hardly talk without crying throughout the 8-week sessions but the other members were so comfortable with each other.  I kid you not:  Two of the members didn't even mention their LO's during the sessions!  They talked about the landscaping, etc.  The facilitator was wonderful but clearly I was in the wrong group. I didn't continue the next 8 sessions.  

3.  I talked this over with my hospice SW and she recommended a different session.  This was excellent; the members' LO's had recently died and we grieved together.  But...this support group did not offer a continuing session.  While this group was helpful, I was the only spouse whose LO had dementia and I was the only one who was a long-term caregiver at home.  

4  I really didn't want to start OVER with a 3rd group but one of my neighbors sent me an email about a meet-in-person session in my area.  Wow.  What a difference!  All the members' LO's had dementia, all had been caregivers and all died within the last 6 months.  After only one session, I feel the members and I have a true bond.  And, this is a closed group meaning that the only the original members can be in this group.  

Maybe that was 4 cents worth of suggestions!  

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Jo C.

Thank you very much Lills for bring up this important topic.  All groups are different in their member makeup and even their primary dynamics.  If one is not a good fit, then it is perfectly fine to move on to the next group where the fit may be much better and thus bring true value for what is  needed.

It was very kind of you to take the time to share your experience and it will help others, not only those who Post here, but also others who are in similar circumstances but may not Post, but do come to read.

Glad you have found a good group and it is bringing much to you, I send best wishes and warmest thoughts your way.

J.

Ed1937

Lills, thank you for sharing your experiences. One of my daughters considered joining a group. I will pass your experiences on to her. Again, thank you.

Lills

One more suggestion:  The first support group I attended was not limited to loss of a spouse.  One member lost a brother and one a mother.  It didn't 'feel' the same kind of grief that a spouse would have after 46 years of marriage.  I know, grief is grief but there are different kinds of grief.

Gig Harbor

I haven’t lost a spouse but I have placed him in care. Back in 2016 when I joined this site another lady reached out to me. She lived about 10 miles away so we agreed to meet for coffee. The next week another lady from Gig Harbor reached out so we were a support group of 3 all with husbands at home. We agreed to meet each week and added new members as they heard about us. Fast forward to now and our group is still going. There are 18 members but not all shows up each week. Some members have left the group when their spouses have died but others still meet with us. They are a wonderful source for advice and support. We started out as a womens group but now have three men among our friends. We have decided that we will expand the group if people want to join us because the church we meet at has offered us a larger space if we need it. We are unstructured and our conversations are varied but if someone has a problem or concern we are there to offer opinions, advice or simply support. One member even had her lawyer come and talk to us and answer our questions. I would highly recommend trying to set up a support group if there is not one in existence where you live. Talking with others who know exactly what you are going thru and who understand is simply the best.