Interesting therapist comment

Crushed · September 2022

My Therapist made an interesting comment. She compared my satisfaction with being a professor emeritus still active on the cutting edge of research, with my endless feelings of being lost with regard to DW.

What she said was that I acted like a person who had been involuntarily retired from a career that they really loved. By career she meant my lifelong support for DW. I had been DW's homemaker, professional supporter, cheerleader, Co parent, and loving companion. I took enormous pride in every success she had. And I gave her complete support through all the hard times. I used legal skills, technical skills and comforting skills to keep her moving upwards. I was the base for her statute of liberty. Even when she go sick I made sure she had the best possible life she could have as she declined. And now this career is gone.

Food for thought

Ed1937 · September 2022

It sounds like you have a good therapist. She understands.

jfkoc · September 2022

Yes, I felt like I had lost my "job" when my husband died. I felt it within the first week.

Retirement is probably the most successful when one has a plan for it....it is looked forward to. Our retirement is certainly not planned for. Instead it is filled with loss.

elainechem · September 2022

When you say, "involuntarily retired", I read "fired," because that's what it feels like. When people ask me what my employment status is, I still don't know what to say. I'm too young yet to be retired. I'm not unemployed because that implies that you're looking for a job. Sometimes I just say that I'm a widow. I get paid for it, so that must be my job.

Crushed · September 2022

elainechem wrote:

When you say, "involuntarily retired", I read "fired," because that's what it feels like.

When you are "fired" somebody does it to you, there is someone to blame.

but some jobs just disappear when someone dies or an event occurs. Jackie Kennedy was not fired as First Lady, the job just evaporated. Part of the ache is that there is no one to blame.
Sh*t just happens.

ImMaggieMae · September 2022

I loved my career and it afforded us many opportunities. But my job now as my husband’s caregiver is far more important than anything I did before. It is more difficult, heartbreaking and often frustrating but also filled with little “wins”.almost every day. If I can make him feel a little more secure, less agitated and at times less fearful, then I can feel, if not successful, at least some relief. I know there will probably come a time when he will have no idea of who I am, but I will always know who he is and honor what we once had together by caring for him.

sunshine5 · September 2022

I am in the same position

I know things will get worse, till then I try not to think too far ahead! Enjoy the little time we have left together!

At times I do get overwhelmed by the work!

I Try to think positive & stay in the moment, u never know it may end sooner than u think!

Just Bill · October 2022

People find peace in having a purpose. There are a lot of avenues of purpose. If you are lucky you didn't pick your career your career picked you and you ran with it. If you are really lucky more than one career picked you and you got to run with that too. Consider yourself really lucky to have had more than one purpose in one life time. Not all purposes are rainbows, sunshine and unicorns. Some purposes suck like the one we are all on right now. We are all escorting our spouses off the planet without a manual. Where I find peace in all this is embracing this purpose and growing as a human being learning to cope with the suck. I read something about the Stoics and one of their philosophies is no matter how much pain you are going through now, way back before you were born when you were a spirit entity wanting to experience what it's like to be a human you wanted to experience every emotion and this is one of them. For some reason that thought gives me peace. Your therapist identified two of your many purposes Crushed.