A few more thoughts on resentment

Kay82

Just a few more then I am done. 

I feel resentful towards my sister b/c she doesn't see or experience what I do. I am aware that she was there for mom as dad declined & did all the work of having him placed in a facility. I think she doesn't want to see mom go thru what dad did. I get that but this is still no reason to distance oneself from the situation.  I feel the most resentment as I wake every morning when I hear mom wake up. I resent that I can't sleep until I am ready to wake up but my sister can. I feel very resentful when she chooses when she wants to be here instead of picking up the schedule her daughter had of 3 days a week for 15 hours. That also makes me resentful in that i feel she doesn't think I need more than 15 hours out of 168 hours every 7 days away for some down time. 

I would like to plan for a few days away, I think she will say no she won't stay. On the other hand I don't want to be gone & mom were to pass while I am gone. 

On an upbeat note I get a hug every morning. My brothers get hugs when they leave to go home. My sister never gets hugs. Not sure what that's all about. When we were younger our mother was not a hugger. We are 63, 61, 58 & 54 & mom is 88 y/o.

SusanB-dil

I can understand the resentment, but consider also that some people just cannot handle 'stepping up to the plate', especially after already dealing with 'this' once already.  Although not condoning abandonment, it happens often, and some folks just can't deal with it. As was recommended in your other post, it sounds like you may just have to get on the same page with your other siblings.  

For some time away, for any caregiver, that is recommended. Not sure what stage mom is, but is there an adult daycare near you?  Could you get some outside help for a few hours a week? For a few days away, could both outside help plus the other siblings pitch in?

Kay82

My brothers do the best they can as they are both still working, one is an over the road trucker driver w/a wife & 2 teen daughters. He is the one in charge of mom's money now. 

According to her DPOA only family members can care for her. 

I know I must take time away for my own health & well being trusting she will be ok.

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Kay82

Yes you are correct this document was drafted by an attorney, who put some very ridiculous clauses & phrases in it. The current copy was drafted after my father passed away and was signed 3 months after his death. My sister was named, now that has been changed. My brother is speaking to another attorney for assistance.

CatsWithHandsAreTrouble

I second SusanB on getting another caregiver in to help out. My levels of resentment, personally, has gone down about half. Though that's only for my mom (pwd). My dad now, that's a whole other can of worms...

If you or your mom can't afford in-home help, see if there's an assistant programs for low income seniors/elders that would cover the costs. My older sister enrolled mom in a medical assistance program that also covers costs for aides to come in. It took mom some getting used to a new face but having another person around to "conspire" with in her care, has helped a lot all around.