MIL advancing, DIL primary caregiver.

LoveAlwaysWins

Hi all!  I am new here and just wanted to reach out.  I am the primary caregiver for my MIL.  I have cared for ALZ patients before and have moderate knowledge, though anything new always helps!  My MIL used to dislike me a lot, since the ALZ has come about I am her favorite person, usually..... there are days where she blames me for everything wrong in the world, but the next day she loves me again. 

I have a hard time with feeling like no one understands what I am going through.  The rest of the family has been a little slower to actually accept the diagnosis and that she is progressing faster than expected.  Being the primary caregiver is difficult, mentally and emotionally draining, and just plain HARD sometimes.  I am sure I am preaching to the choir on that! 

Anyhow, I thank you all in advance for the support that this group will give.  I can see it on the other posts, and it is comforting to know that there are people to reach out to.  

Family is forever

I am so sorry that circumstances have brought you to need this support group, but glad that you are here. I am somewhat new to the situation my mother is in and have been learning on the fly. I also had a few family members (not immediate) who did not see what was truly happening to my mother. While I know it was with the best of intentions and was not high conflict I thought I needed to address it right away before it lead to bigger problems. 

I invited these family members over for a visit (lasted two to four hours) to show them what occurs on a daily basis and the challenges that my father and I are facing. After one visit each family member apologized for their actions/statements and we have not had an issue since. Their help and support has also increased ten-fold. Sometimes seeing is believing! 

 I hope you can get the support and help you need. Your MIL is very lucky to have you in her life. 

SusanB-dil

Hi LoveAlwaysWins - welcome to 'here', but sorry for the reason.

We do understand. and yes, 'this' is hard! 

MIL is firmly in stage 5, but will 'showtime' almost appearing to be in stage 4, but will step into stage 6. Mentioning this because, yeah, I've been yelled at because she didn't know who I was a few times. and sometimes she is sweet, and other times, I just seem agitating to her. Downright frustrating, right?!!

Here - One link that has helped me understand 'stuff':

https://www.alzheimers.net/stages-of-alzheimers-disease

also good reference book: 'The 36-hour Day'

LoveAlwaysWins

Thank you so very much! I appreciate your help!!!

LoveAlwaysWins

We actually had an issue today that required additional family members to be involved.  Once they saw (and heard) what was happening it's like the light bulb in their head popped on.  Seeing really is believing.

Chammer

I was also the DIL who took care of MIL for the last several months of her life.  Your post sounds so much like our story.  It was very challenging and I still after almost 6 years question if I did all the right things.  It was made more challenging because I was the one "making decisions."  FIL would ask if I thought this or that was the right thing because their sons didn't want to do anything or make any decisions.  I really feel your pain and am so sorry you are dealing with this.

VKB

It is very, very difficult taking care of someone with dementia, but take it from me who lasted through nine years of it (with paid help), you won't regret the sacrifice. Please insist on some help so you can get away a few hours a week. Then you won't get burned out.  I prayed for you and your MIL.  Peace always