Moving mom to MC

cw040283

I was able to find a memory care community for my mom that I really like. Thankfully they have an opening and we have started the process of getting her ready to move. She’s on a Medicaid waiver program. Unfortunately, her case worker is on maternity leave and the replacement has been very difficult to get ahold of and get clear information from. She even yelled at me Monday and refused to give me her supervisors contact information. The waiver will need to transfer to a different organization and I’m trying to make sure it’s in place before the move, otherwise we have to pay full price for care until it’s transferred.

Her current independent living community is requiring that we provide 30 days notice even though we have a doctors note stating she needs to break the lease earlier and move into a secured facility. I’m currently waiting for a return call with their social worker to discuss this and see if there’s anything they can do.

The memory care community has an in-house doctor who visits at least once a week. She currently likes her primary care doctor so I’m planning on waiting to use the in house doctor, but I can understand the convenience of it. They’ve also requested that I sign a psychiatric form that will allow them to evaluate my mom if anxiety or other things become a concern. 

Is this typical for a memory care community? I worry that they will overprescribe her antipsychotics if behavior is ever an issue but maybe I’m being overly concerned. Any advice or guidance is appreciated.

SusanB-dil

sorry, I'm not sure, as we are not quite there, yet. I did see another post to be careful what you sign.  However, I think you could ask exactly what this means. Would they check with you first? (as to the level of anxiety before they change or add any meds?)  'To evaluate', and then get back to you or check with her doc on that?  Agree with you - I'm kind'a not sure on signing a 'blanket form' for them to do something.

The one that yelled at you must have known she did something wrong if she wouldn't give you her supervisory contact. You are watching out for mom, and making sure the ducks are in a row shouldn't agitate her like that.

CarolynATL

When my dad went in to AL, I was reluctant to use the doctor that visits the community because he liked his PC as well.  As time passed, it became not just more convenient, but also a necessity.  For example, I couldn't take dad out during COVID when he need a simple UTI test. The in-house doc can (in our community) do x-rays, lab tests.   As for the psychiatrist, she sees my dad once a month and calls me afterward to get input on what I'm seeing as well as the staff (ie hallucinations, anxiety).  She doesn't order any meds without me approving it.

I hope that's helpful to you.  Best wishes for a smooth transition.

Mimi..W

Hello, first thank you for posting your question.  I'm fairly new to this and was hoping you could help me.  How did you find a social worker to assist you?  

Thank you.

cw040283

MammasitaW, I live in Michigan and there are several groups that help manage the Medicaid waiver in my state. The area agency on aging is one of them, I’m not sure if it’s similar where you live. Because my mom is low income we are able to get assistance for various things and they help us work with Medicaid and the facility she lives in to make sure these services are covered.

cw040283

Update… my mom has been living at the MC since Friday. There was a period on Friday when I left because she was engaged in an activity and was then having lunch and I needed to go back to her old community and pick up her remaining meds. While I was out, my aunt stopped by and after she left my mom became very agitated. By the time I got back (I was gone about 2 hours total), mom was pissed, sassy, tried leaving out of every door and hid in one of the other residents rooms. They suggested I just let her be while I tried to install the cable in her room. Eventually she cheered up after dinner when my boyfriend stopped by.

I saw her Saturday and her friend stopped by that evening and I saw her again Sunday for about 4 hours and left around 4:30. We went out for a while and had lunch and she told me she loves it there. Around 6:30/7, she began calling me from her watch begging me to get her out of there. I knew she wasn’t in her room because her camera showed her door had been closed for a while. I received another call from her watch around 8:30, she was livid and I could hear a staff person in the background. I asked them to call me and as she did and explained what was going on my mom was in the background calling her a liar and going off. She came close to accusing my mom of hitting her… I don’t think my mom would ever do that but at this point it’s their word against my mom’s. Eventually her supervisor called me and expressed concern about my mom’s behavior and suggested I have her medicated for the evening sundowning. She also said if we couldn’t get her settled down she may not be able to continue living there and said that my mom hit her. Once my mom was on the phone, I was able to talk her down and convince her to go back to her room where I continued talking to her until my boyfriend and I got there. It’s about a 35 minute drive to her community.

Once we were there the overnight staff seemed fine and understanding that it was only my mom’s third night. I explained that my mom doesn’t go to bed early and is usually up and roaming around until at least 11pm. I just wonder if she maybe unintentionally pushed my mom’s buttons and if my mom was already upset because her door was closed and she couldn’t figure out where her room is. 

I don’t like the immediate suggestion that she should be medicated but she does sometimes stay up until 4 or 5am and I’d prefer she get in a good sleep schedule. Has anyone else had similar experiences? Is this common and does it usually pass? She seems to be pretty bored because the new place is a little bit smaller and the residents are low key.

CarolynATL

I'm so sorry to hear it's been a bit of a rocky start.  It's such a big transition.  I found during a couple of different moves for my dad (AL to MC at 2 places), the staff needed a little time to figure out my dad's personality - especially his triggers.  I was shocked when staff said my dad had pushed someone.  My dad's trigger is being around a lot of people and they were taking him to Bingo to try to keep him engaged. This + sundowning was a perfect storm.  So we limited the group activities and let him hide out in his room if he wanted.  I also talked with his doctor and we agreed on a medicine that would take the edge off - as needed.  I hope that this phase settles down for your mom as she gets more acclimated, and for your mental health as well.