Both parents have dementia- HELP

TDsmiles

Hello,

Both parents have dementia.  I have put my business on hold and moved in with them to help them and care for them.  

1. How do I add both parents info in my profile?

2. What resources are available for them? What is the best approach for care when they both have dementia but different types?

3. How does everyone do it and feel like you are taking care of the home needs, their needs, medical needs, and social needs?

sandwichone123

TD, I would start evaluating placement options sooner rather than later. Caring for two impaired parents while trying to support yourself is not likely to work for long at all.

Do you have legal papers? Getting POA and healthcare POA would be priorities. If you don't have those, you really can't do anything other than either bury yourself in their need or walk away.

That didn't address all your questions, but it's what I've got.

MN Chickadee

Welcome TDsmiles. I would recommend contacting your local agency on aging, most counties inthe US have one, and also the helpline through the Alz Assoc. 1-800-272-3900. Both are free and can point you to resources in your area. My local chapter of the Alz Assoc has a social worker on staff who will meet with caregivers and provide help with decision making and figuring out what will work best and what is available. I would see if there is something like that in your area. 

How you approach a long term care can depend a lot on finances. If you haven't done so, see an elder law attorney to not only shore up legal documents like POA but they will also help with financial planning for their care. If finances allow you might want to tour continuing care retirement communities (CCRCs.) They are often a good fit for couples who need different levels of  care. For example one may be in Memory Care and the other in Assisted Living or Skilled Nursing, but having them on one campus is easier for the family and then they can also see each other more easily for meals etc. Or if they are both in a stage that requires memory care you may be able to move them to a MC facility in the same room. If finances do not allow for any self-payment for care then the attorney is even more important to figure out next steps and the Medicaid laws in your state. Whether you plan to move them or keep them home and hire help to come in, the financial planning piece is really important. 

Caring for 2 PWD at home would be a lot, but depending on your circumstances may be possible. You certainly should not feel like you have to, it's an enormous undertaking that will take over your life and sometimes is just not going to happen. If you have a spouse or children it may be a non-starter. One PWD becomes a full time job, I can't imagine caring for two unless you hire a lot of help. 

Also something I mention to people who have their LO at home - adult daycare can be a great tool when you need to buy some time and figure out next steps. It gets the PWD some socialization and activities and also respite for the family to take care of the house, make appointments, get organized, work, whatever. 

TrustinginGod

I am very sorry for the circumstances. I don’t have resources to share but just a bit of advice from someone who has been helping care for my mother at home for 8 years. This is a marathon not a sprint. It is so important to have time to take care of yourself (you can not pour from an empty cup) - as caregivers we so often put ourselves last and that does not serve us or the people we are caring for. Take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally and know your limitations. 

Hugs

Diana

IreneJones

Thanks for the suggestion.