When will she stop packing

Love Matters

Gosh this journey has been so hard. I love my Mom dearly but my patience is running thinner and thinner. She packs up her stuff daily at MC and I unpack and fib that it will be a couple more days before the doctor releases her to go home. When will it stop, been doing this for a couple months.

SusanB-dil

Could you get someone to re-direct before she packs?  Do they have activities she can be directed to that would keep her more busy than packing?

Love Matters

Thanks, I'll talk to staff. They are understaffed but the ones there seem to try. My Mom is just adamant about leaving although she doesn't know where she is most of the time. I don't know if the next stage will be any better but this drives me nuts and I know it has to be hard on her too.

Whyzit

Love Matters, Just a quick question? What is she putting her belongings in when she packs? If it is a suitcase, duffel bag or even a box or bag you may want to consider removing it from her room as it may be a trigger for her to pack.

M1

LM this may be a place to pick your battles judiciously. My partner has been in MC for six months and still will not let anyone unpack her stuff, she insists she's ready to leave in just a day or two. Bugs me no end, but the staff say it's pointless and harmless.

Martin Robbins

My mother did the same, until she reached the "fidgeting" stage.  Then she seemed to curtail the packing and leaving by about 80%.

My mother lived with me.  She ran-off once, but only about 500 feet away before a neighbor discovered her.  She still tried to leave almost every day until the fidgeting, but I put a safety lock on the doors she was not able to undo.

Stuck in the middle

Are you visiting every day?  If so, have you considered reducing the frequency of your visits so she can have more motive to settle in and accept her new home?

BassetHoundAnn

My mom did this for about 5 months after I moved her to assisted living. She should have been in MC at the time but it was the height of pandemic lockdown when the local MCs were not permitting family visits. Anyway, she packed nutty things like framed photos and knickknacks. Nothing that one would take traveling like clothing. It bugged me because I had worked so hard to move her into a lovely apartment near me and there she was packing up her knickknacks to go home every day. She had an old suitcase she claimed was a gift from my dad and a precious possession so I didn't dare remove it. It seemed like she was always searching the apartment for the suitcase even though it was right there on the floor. And then suddenly the packing just stopped and she never did it again. So I'd say just go with it, ignore it, don't let it bug you especially if it seems to give her some sense of control or comfort.

Love Matters

Thanks, good idea. It's funny though, she uses trashcans, old gift bags, laundry basket, anything she can find.

dwadd333

I am hopeful your mother settles soon. My dad went through the fidgeting stage and was adamant about going home right now. But the less I'm around him at the facility, the more he adjusts and somewhat comprehends why he's there. It's not a perfect solution by any means and the entire journey is certainly eventful. Bless your heart... you've been a tremendous help and at the right place to vent and receive support.

CarolynATL

You've just described my dad. He was packing things in any container he could find.  One day the staff called me because they couldn't find his cat.  Yes, he packed it in a box.  He then started dismantling things - a radio, electric razor, every picture frame.  When he packed up, I'd start unpacking and ask for his help.  I think he needed something to do and something to hold. His room looks bare now because any sentimental things I put in there would get dissasembled and hidden.  When he moved to memory care, I started bringing small things to hold and fidget with.

toolbeltexpert

My dw has been packing for 2 months, I was unpacking it daily. Then I found out why. She was worried it was gonna get stolen or lost, these were things she saw as something treasured, I started bringing things home that she would ask me too bring home. Now she has a lockable wardrobe with a simple two button lock she can't open it, now everything is safe. I think when she does get settled this might change.  Everyone is different.

lizz.olya

Good idea Whyzit. My neighbor has a similar situation. He is often distracted by comedy films. I recently read icsolutions reviews https://icsolutions.pissedconsumer.com/review.html and decided to connect it for myself and for him to have good internet. Sometimes I come to visit and we watch movies together and it's really much more fun!

M1

LM, hate to tell you but it may never stop.  My partner is still doing it after a year.

VKB

Yes, your love does matter.  God bless her and you.  I prayed for you.