calling my name

Cherjer

My dh calls my name constantly even when we are in the same room which is most of the time. He will pace and say my name, and if I don't answer he will just say my name louder! Anyone have this issue and if so how do you react? It really is driving me crazy and know that this is a sign of anxiety but having such a hard time dealing with it. I have tried to redirect him but doesn't seem to work. He really has no interests...doesn't watch tv, etc. 

Dio

Sounds like my DH during his sundowning when I didn't know what sundowning was. Out of frustration, I yelled and screamed at him to stop calling me. Bad mistake...ugh. Long story short, I later found out that he was afraid of me leaving/abandoning him in his condition, hence he was constantly making sure I was there. See if you can figure out what the root cause is for your DH's behavior. I know it's not easy. I might write this down on a card and hold it up whenever he calls your name: Yes, I am here. Try different colors or fonts just for variety and fun.

Cherjer

Thank you Dio...did he stop calling your name after  you figured it out? And how did you figure  out? I will try your suggestion!

Stuck in the middle

My son does that when I am driving sometimes.  It used to bother me because I would respond and he didn't say anything.  I have learned to say "yep" and keep driving, not expecting anything further, and it doesn't bother me anymore.  Dogs bark, birds sing, DS says "Dad", life goes on.

Dio

Cher, unfortunately he stopped calling me after I screamed at him to stop calling me. He then proceeded to pack his bags... to find a homeless shelter and that all he asked for was his checkbook, claiming that "it was over" between us. I was dumbfounded and at a total loss. This went on for a couple days until it escalated to where I had to call 911 and the police took him to ER. Local police was very understanding and advised me to just let him leave the house next time instead of getting into an altercation, then call 911 for help and that they will find him (as walking won't get him too far). Also advised me to remove all sharp objects from reach including car keys or house keys.

After that, DH stopped talking to me for days, and sundowning went on for another week until our psychiatrist prescribed rivastigmine and Ativan. The combo worked. He calmed down and sundowning stopped. When DH kept repeating "it's over anyways" and "how are we going to divide the (fish) tank?" I finally realized he's thinking of us breaking up. So I turned the tables around and asked him if he was planning to leave me. He emphatically denied it and accused me of planning to leave him. It took some time to reassure him that I wasn't going anywhere, but I had to rebuild his trust in me for him to feel safe again.

You know your husband best. What do you think may be his biggest fear? Losing control over things or losing you? or both? My takeaway was that they're stuck in this muddled world where they know something is not right with them and they're losing their life plus they've completely lost control. Fear has a strange way of causing people to behave irrationally. Once you know what's causing this agitation, then you can come up with a strategy to counter it. I still yell at DH at times, but I always follow up with, "I love you very very much and will never let you go. But I still have a right to be angry."

Cherjer

Dio, I am sorry all that happened to you but so glad everything is relatively under control now. Tomorrow is a new day and think I have some detective work to do. I appreciate your response.

Dio

Cherjer wrote:

Tomorrow is a new day and think I have some detective work to do.

Good luck! Glad to share anything that may help. Please do come back to update or just to let out steam.

Joydean

Cherjer sometimes my dh will keep saying “hey”, even when I’m right there. I can’t even go to the bathroom with out him calling hey or he starts looking for me. Sometimes I tell him I have a name and it’s not hey. He will just look at me and I’m not sure if he can’t remember my name or he’s surprised that he can’t. I’m not sure which it is because he then has a very sad look. I just give him a hug and call him hey. I cry later. This disease is so cruel all the way around. 

I think Dio is right. They know something is different but they don’t know what and they are scared. We are the one person they can count on because we are always there. So they hang on like we are a solid rock to keep them from sinking into what ever is happening to them. 

I wish you all the best.  

Cherjer

Joydean...thank you for your insight...you are so right about us being their rock. Today, I just gave him a hug and said I love him and will be there for him. I truly think this helped a lot. Like all of us on this forum, we know this disease just keeps taking and taking from  us and our loved ones.