Kicked out of house

ElCy

My DH woke me up this morning with a flashlight shining in my eyes. He said it was time to get up. So, I put on a robe and came downstairs. He asked me what I was doing and why wasn’t I leaving. I said I would after breakfast. He told me I was psychotic and he would call the police if I didn’t leave as I had no right to be there. I just got dressed and went to work 4 hours early.

Ed1937

ElCy, I'm sorry this disease is so darn hard. Is he safe to be left alone?

toolbeltexpert

Elcy I have been thru this, I had to use the strategy that I didn't have any place to go but that I would earn my keep and fix things. Eventually however I had to get my wife some help with meds and she is now in mc. 

But so many have said they just left for 5 min and came back in another door. 

Sorry your going thru this.  No words can describe how hard this is. 

Stewart

mrl

EICy,

So sorry. I had to go sit in the cemetery (down the street) for about 20 minutes. DH just looked at me blank when I returned. Now I go and sit in the cemetery without prompts This too will pass shortly)

Michele

Rick4407

ElCy, I treated this successfully with a small dose of Seroquel, 25mg.  Rick

Joydean

EICy I’m so very sorry, but is he safe to left alone or do you have someone that comes in to be with him while you are at work?  I hope you will be safe too. 

Mrl I used to love going and hanging out in the cemetery that was across the street from where we lived. It was a very old cemetery dating back to early 1800’s. 

Crushed

The last thing DW verbalized about me was that I was "the cookie man with lots of kissing"
 
 Could have been worse 

mrl

Joydean,

I'm an old cemetery buff myself....

MaryG123

That is heartbreaking ELCY.  I’m so sorry.  I hope you’ve been able to return home safely.

ElCy

I came home after work and it was even worse than this morning. I grabbed some clothes and left. Realized I’d forgotten medicine and my phone charger. Went back and rang the doorbell, he refused to let me in.

I honestly don’t know what to do if this continues. Do I have to call police and get him into psych? Do I find a room to rent for when I need to be away? It’s so early. He cooks, dresses well, knows what’s going on, shops, takes care of the dogs, etc…

I’m so, so sad and scared. So overwhelmed. Don’t have any friends or family here. 

Jgirl57

If he still won’t let you in, I would think you would need to call 911. That is what I have heard others recommend in similar situations. Have you called the Alz. Hotline #?

MaryG123

Is he under medical care ElCy?  If so, perhaps you could discuss the worsening condition with his doctors.  Be sure to have a go bag ready and a safe room with a lock and phone charger, so you can call for help if necessary.  I can’t imagine how you must feel, but I know there are others here who have experienced similar situations.

Joydean

EICy I hope you have been able to get what meds you needed and your charger. I do hope you are safe! Sending you virtual hugs! Wish I could do in person. Do you have a key to get back in your house after he’s asleep? Don’t know if that would be a safe idea, you may have to call 911 just to get back in your house. Just please stay safe.

ElCy

I’m staying at my boss’s house tonight. I’ll see what tomorrow brings. If I do have to call 911 what will happen? Will they have to subdue him or handcuff him to take him out of the house? Or does an ambulance come? Again, for the most part he is between stages 3 and 4 so he won’t comply easily as he thinks nothing is wrong and is aware.

Jgirl57

Hopefully others will chime in tomorrow . I know they have used specific requests /wording when they call 911 for ambulance to the ER for psych /medication evaluation due to his illness and that it is not safe for you to be there. A lot depends on the current legal documents in place. My heart is breaking for you. When my HWD accuses me of stealing and such it just crushes me. I can’t imagine what you are feeling tonight. Glad you are in a safe place.

Dio

ElCy wrote:

I’m staying at my boss’s house tonight. I’ll see what tomorrow brings. If I do have to call 911 what will happen? Will they have to subdue him or handcuff him to take him out of the house? Or does an ambulance come? Again, for the most part he is between stages 3 and 4 so he won’t comply easily as he thinks nothing is wrong and is aware.

First of all, glad you have a safe place to stay tonight. In my experience, when you call 911, which I highly recommend, they will first treat this as a domestic dispute/abuse case and handle it accordingly. Make sure you let the dispatcher know that your DH has "possible" dementia if he's been diagnosed, so that they can send police who have been trained to handle these types of crisis. The police will arrive and ask if there are any weapons. Then they may separate you two so that they can question you individually. Depending on how he reacts to the police, they will decide whether he will be handcuffed or not (they did for my DH in one of the calls due to his being slightly combative and resistance to their commands). Police will ask whether you, or anyone else, have been threatened, physically harmed, and determine whether to take him to ER or jail (they gave my DH a choice: in their patrol car or ambulance. Since I was harmed, they also asked whether I wanted to file charges). Once your DH is in the ER, make sure they know what medications he's on. Hopefully, the hospital will be able to arrange for any transfers needed. However, if your husband behaves like an angel in front of the police, it'll be a totally different scenario.

Anyhow, once you've called 911, they will have that number on file in case you call again and will readily respond. I wish you well and best of luck. Please do update us on how things go.

JJAz

I had to call 911 once and when faced with an authority figure, my husband was quite submissive.  In the meantime call your doc ASAP.  Any sudden change in behavior can indicate an infection such as a UTI.

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Joe C.

EICy, This is a difficult situation at an early stage, sorry you are dealing with it. Other than possible medications for delusions I have no other suggestions.

Jo C.

How dreadful for you; I am deeply sorry for what is happening.  ElCy; this situation is not rational nor is it sustainable and it is not safe.  You are at a point that positive action appears absolutely necessary; denial of the extent of his worsening dynamics is not helpful for either yourself or for your husband.  There appears to be potential for much harm per what you have shared with us over time.

I can only share what I would probably do under the circumstances:

If I could not safely gain access to my home the first time, which you have not been able to, then I would contact the local law enforcement station and speak to the Watch Commander and explain the situation stressing the fact of dementia being present.   I would explain my spouse's threats and not being permitted being admitted to my house as well as my spouses prior abuse of one of the animals and would ask for help.  You need to explain that you are afraid of your husband as he is so out of control, and also afraid for your spouse's welfare which is severely delusional.

I would also be willing to state that this is an ongoing issue that has escalated to its highest point AND that I feel that the need has come to get help for him which would be inpatient GeroPsych.

If there are no guns in the house, I would relate that.  Sometimes, various police groups work with mental health psych evaluation teams that can go out on the call with them.  Those individuals can sometimes even declare a person to be an involuntary admission to psych care and will expedite an evaluation for the same.  You would want a GeroPsych Unit for an involuntary admission.  Don't know if such a pych evaluation team is available in your area or not; you can ask. When there is a transfer to a GeroPsych Unit facility with a police call, it is usually done by ambulance and through the ER portal.

If anything abrupt happens when you are near the house if that is the move you decide to make, be sure you have your phone charged and with you; then please do call 911 letting them know of the danger to yourself AND that your husband has dementia.

ElCy; your husband has become increasingly more obsessed with you as his target and appears to be far deeper in his delusional beliefs; it is also at a point that you may well become a target for actual violence.  Truly; this is not a sustainable situation as it is and sounds seriously unsafe.   It appears from your writing that things are at a point that need professional intervention.

In GeroPsych, his primary MD will be a psychiatrist.  They can assess him on a 24 hour continuum and adjust medications as necessary while monitoring for effectiveness and any side effects.

At this point, if he is an inpatient in GeroPsych, you can either decide to keep him home, or if it appears it is time, you can begin to screen Memory Care or Group Home settings that specialize in dementia for him to discharge to. You cannot be forced to take him back home if you feel you cannot manage any longer. That is up to you.

NOTE:  Also; it may be helpful to speak to a Care Consultant Social Worker at the Alzheimer's Assn. Helpline which is available 24/7.  Number:  (800) 272-3900.   When the nice person answers the phone tell them you have an urgent matter needing to be addressed and need to be tranfererred to a Care Consultant (social worker). There is no fee for this and you will have a place to talk about what is happening and even gain some assistance in your decision making.

So sorry this is happening.  I also have some concern for the animals he is left with; how is he caring for them and that poor little one that he hates and has attacked by forcefully hitting it; how is that animal doing being in the throes of the hatred with no one watching?  The animals are at the mercy of the adults in their world and cannot protect themselves.  So hope he has not injured that little dog that needs protection.

You cannot continue to do things the same way in the worsening circumstances and expect any different outcomes. I so hope you reach out for much needed professional help.  Most police departments have worked with such circumstances before; in all probability you will not have been the only one.

Please let us know how you are and how things are going.

J.

ElCy

My plan is to go home tonight like I always do after work. Hopefully, he will know me and I’ll be welcomed in. If not, I’ll call 911.

Just not sure if I should pull in garage and come in as always or ring doorbell.

Dio

ElCy wrote:

My plan is to go home tonight like I always do after work. Hopefully, he will know me and I’ll be welcomed in. If not, I’ll call 911.

Just not sure if I should pull in garage and come in as always or ring doorbell.

Please have a plan B and C in place, and set it up for future.

dayn2nite2

Honestly, the first thought I had when you said he woke you up like that was what if he had a knife or something to beat you with?

I think as long as this is going on you should regard him as dangerous.  If you are unwilling to call 911, then you should not be sleeping in the same room he is and should probably sleep with a locked door between you.

You are probably going to have to do something soon - this is not going to suddenly go away.

ElCy

Thank you everyone for the support. I went home after work and once again he demanded I leave and never return. He picked up a paint can and almost threw it as my car. I’m going to give it til the morning and try once more before I call police. I just diner have the strength tonight.I know he will hate me even more. I know it’s for his own good.

dayn2nite2

He doesn't know what he thinks, what he likes or what he hates.

He really needs help.  The help will come when you call 911.  Tell them he has dementia.  The longer you wait, the more he suffers with whatever delusions he has.  What if he sets the house on fire trying to chase something away?  What if he injures himself?

MaryG123

I’m glad you’re safe ElCy, and you know what you need to do.  You can do this.

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Quilting brings calm

I’m going to second both day and Victoria,  you need to call 911 now.  If he’s delusional and won’t let you in the house, he might do other drastic things:  set a fire, harm himself,  or he might take all the money out of your joint accounts, or ge might initiate divorce proceedings.  Get ahead of this. 

This would he a game changer for me.  My home is my sanctuary. I wouldn’t be able  to tolerate my spouse denying me access to it. 

ElCy

I finally called 911 and he agreed to go by ambulance to the hospital. I requested he go to Vanderbilt where he has been seen before and instead they took him to a tiny nearby hospital. Vandy is only 10 miles away. The ER doc at the small hospital doesn’t even know what MCI is. We are screwed if they won’t transfer.

toolbeltexpert

Elcy hold fast to this script, it is not safe for him at home, He can't  come home this is very hard,and they will try to get you to take him, don't. Your heart strings are gonna pull hard as well, think of what is best for you both. That is howI got my dw into a geripsych and meds to help her.My prayers continue for you 

Stewart

Joydean

EICy, is this guy really a doctor! He doesn’t know what ECI is, is got to be scary for you. I pray they will transfer him to the hospital you requested. I pray you can get him the help he needs.