Wake up call

Buggsroo

I’m back.

My husband has now added another form of torture to my daily life, every morning at around 6:am he opens my bedroom door and asks when I will be joining him downstairs. I tell him in a few hours which probably the wrong answer. Five minutes later, it happens again. I desperately want to stay in my room curled up in the fetal position, hoping the Alzheimer’s fairy will take me away. 

This goes on in five minute intervals until I surrender and get up. When I appear downstairs I am repeatedly asked when will his breakfast/lunch/dinner will be ready.this goes on until I present him with his meal. Then the questions start up again and he wants to know if he should go to bed. This goes on for hours until I get him his pills and he goes to bed. 

I have started the search for a home for him because I am going crazy and am sleep deprived. It is pretty horrific at times because I lose my rag, besides cleaning poo out of kitchen and bathroom sinks. 

Before, I procrastinated finding a home but now I realize that my sanity is on the line. 

Quilting brings calm

I’m so sorry.  I’m not an early morning person either.  Now that I am retired, I’m usually awake by 7, out of bed around 7:30.  But I don’t want to speak to anyone until I’ve had my coffee and bagel and read the newspaper. .  I really would  have a hard time dealing with the immediate morning demands he’s giving you.  I’d be tempted to tell him yes when he asked if it was bedtime 

caberr

When my husband was home he would poke me in the head in the morning and ask if I was awake. Oh how I hated that.  Then during the day when I was tired he thought I needed to go to the dr because I was sick.  I told him I'm ok you just have to stop waking me up at 4 in the morning.

toolbeltexpert

Buggs I am praying you can find a great place for your dh and for the rest you deserve. 

Stewart 

Ed1937

Buggs, that has to be real hard. A person can only take so much. Hopefully you'll find a good place for him fairly quickly. You've really had it rough.

riajean

Yup; when my husband was awake all night, getting up to pee and never did, couldn't remember until he had me up hour after hour helping him, having to work during the day, so sleep deprived I was getting sick.  That's when MC became a real issue and he had to be placed.  Just couldn't 'live' anymore with that.  When you start to become so overwhelmed, tired, angry and mad at a poor sick person, time to let the skill of a professional take over his care.  Hope you find a good place that will take care of him for you.

Joydean

Buggsroo hope you find a good place soon. Working has to be even harder on you when your not getting any decent sleep. You have been doing all the sink digging too long.  Thinking of you lady! 

Buggsroo

Thank you all. I really appreciate it. Yes I am exhausted and it is starting to affect my health, my blood pressure has to be controlled by meds and I am just so tired.

Jo C.

Hello there dear Buggs; also known as the most patient person on the planet.   Good news that you are actively seeking placement.  Not the easiest thing to gain a placement "up there" in beautiful Canada from what I understand,  (I may be incorrrect and if so, I apologize.)  I so hope that as you explain the seriousness of the need along with your declining health that a special waiver of some sort will enable you to get your husband placed sooner rather than later.

Do you have a projected timeline from those who are the ones to approve of placement or however it works?

It would be so much the better if this could be done before the north winds blow and the snow falls heavily and the ice builds; keep after them so you are in their "sight" so to speak.  Let us know how you are and how things are going; we will keep hoping for the very best and for the very soonest.

J.

Buggsroo

Hi Jo and the rest of you really nice people.

From what I understand, I have to start visiting homes and choose five rated from one to five. Then the social worker will visit and assess my husband. After that it is a waiting game. I realize that he really is getting no stimulation here whatsoever. I work, which keeps me sane, but I am now on blood pressure meds (a low dose) but scary none the less. I am suffering from lack of sleep, but the constant questioning, dressing him, showering him and making his meals has tired me completely out. So, I guess long term care for him would be better for him, and myself. 

Jo C.

Oh gosh Buggs; I am really sorry, it is and has been so much on your plate.  Psst:  do not want to say this too loud, so I am whispering . . . . if he ends up in  the ER or admitted to the hospital for any reason, if things work the same way in Canada as they do down here, it may be best to refuse to take him home again citing your health issues, rising blood pressure, inability to sleep and feeling ill, anxiety, GI upsets, etc., etc. and keep refusing to take him home as you can no longer manage his acuity of care that is on a 24 hour basis.  The hospital social workers would, I suspect, have access input to long term care beds that the families ordinarily would not have "up there."   (Sounds like I am talking about heaven.) 

Down here in the U.S., we cannot be forced to take the patient home from the hospital setting again; it is up to the hospital to find a safe and appropriate placement and we cannot be billed for that time it takes the hospital discharge planning persons to find placement.

Don't know if it works the same way up there, but dear Buggs; you have gone waaaaay beyond the distance and then some.  When it has actively begun to affect your health, one must do what one must do and it does not mean you are not a caring person.  You certainly are a caring person and have been for a very long time.

Keep in touch and we hope all comes together soon,

J.

Buggsroo

Dear Jo, 

It feels great saying your name because Jo is my nickname too. my mother had a similar situation to how you described. My dad had Guillian Barre (sp?) and he was in hospital for a long time. The hospital wanted to discharge him, my mother explained that she could not care for him at home. The social worker explained that she would find him a bed and she did. We were relieved and my mother was so happy he wasn’t coming home, he was quite combative and aggressive to my mother. He also was an alcoholic. So in answer to your post, I believe we have the same system that you have.