Memory Care after 3 months

Gig Harbor

This has been a strange 3 months. The things I thought would be important in a memory care were a nice outdoor area, long halls to walk down and activities have turned out to not be important. My husband shuffles, sleeps a lot and is not interested in going outside. He is on medication to control anxiety and inappropriate touching and this might be contributing to his decrease in alertness. I am not sure if I should try to have his meds changed or decreased. He is not unhappy, he eats well and sleeps well and never appears anxious. His alertness has just gone downhill so rapidly but it might be the disease causing the changes. His best friend visited him Thursday and within an hour he had no recollection of seeing him. I don’t bring up history because I really don’t want him to remember he had another better life I. Case it might make him feel bad. It is a no win situation.

Joe C.

Gig, I am sorry to hear of your husband’s current state. It is possible that the medication is contributing to his alertness and I think a least discussing if meds could be adjusted is a reasonable request. If the med adjustment is not successful they could always return to the original regiment.

toolbeltexpert

I am sorry your work is not in vain,he gets great care. I would agree about asking for small decreases in his meds. I have asked and it was down, some behavior came back so they made a small increase and things are better. Gig your on the right track.

Ed1937

Gig, you're right. All the bells and whistles don't mean much to them unless they are not as far advanced. That stuff is mostly for family members. The care is what really counts.

I understand that I'm in the minority, but if he's not unhappy, not anxious, etc., I wouldn't worry too much about medication changes. But that's just me. Whatever you do will not be wrong.

Mint

Ed is correct , no right or wrong.  Would be nothing wrong with asking those caring for him how they feel bout this.  They work with it lol the time.   Feel that I would leave well enough alone and not take a chance on going back to how he was before, but that’s me.

Quilting brings calm

I’d leave it alone. You mention he seems happy enough.   His anxiety and sexual inappropriate behavior is being controlled so you have a place for him to be.   The shuffling and sleeping is going to come sooner or later as the disease continues its’  inevitable progression.   Every medication has side effects.  A different  medication could have less desirable side effects. 

The search function here is so cumbersome, and I would have a difficult time finding your posts from the months  prior to his move to memory care.  Think back to how he was doing then, and why you placed him.  Is it possible that he’s not that much different than he was then?  Could  you just be seeing him with fresh eyes now that you aren’t with him 24/7 and can be more alert to his behavior when you see him?  Sort of the frog didn’t notice the water heating until it almost boiled, but can see it clearly  once she escaped the water?  

You are ( and have been) doing the best you can.   He’s safe,  cared for, protected and the medication protects him and the other residents.  I know you want his life to be ‘as perfect as possible’, but you can’t get ahead of  this disease no matter how hard you try. 

JoseyWales

I know exactly what you mean about the things you thought were important in a facility not being important at all. DH spent almost all his time outside when he was home. But once he was placed, he didn't care if he was outside or not. I would take him out, and he'd complain about it being too hot/cold or whatever. And his decline to not being able to walk very far made any trips outside difficult.

I think it's just progression of the disease. Glad he's eating well and not unhappy or anxious. That's a big positive.

Ed1937

I think when we're trying to decide whether or not to give someone medication changes to keep them alert, we should ask ourselves if having them more alert is something we want for them or for ourselves. The goal we usually have for our LOs is to keep them safe and as happy as possible. That should be number one.

Dio

I totally agree with Ed. Before this dreadful disease ravaged DH, we had our Advanced Health Directives drawn up and so very glad we did. I know exactly what his wishes are.

ImMaggieMae

The MC is  probably just trying to keep him calm and cooperative. They have to consider the safety of their staff and other patients.The last thing you want is for him to be kicked out for inappropriate touching or threatening another guest because it would make it more difficult to find another place. On the other hand you don’t want him turned into a zombie. I think you need to tread carefully.

Jo C.

It is good to hear from you.  As for the meds and your husband's changes; you will know best whether to have meds tapered just a tidge to see if that helps; they can be increased again if behaviors begin to become a problem.  However; if you feel he is reasonably content, then you may want to leave things as are.  You will know best; trust your instincts.

How are you doing these days? I have hoped that you were having better days and beginning to recoup as best can be.  It is hard to believe it has already been three months since placement; it seems like less.

Sending best wishes and warm thoughts your way,

J.

Gig Harbor

Thanks everyone for your thoughtful answers to my questions. You all agree that I should leave well enough alone. I am going to do that. He seems content. It is funny because at home he folder Kleenex’s and napkins and there were stacks everywhere. He has forgotten about doing that. He has forgotten he liked to walk. His older sister was in a memory care and never forgot those things. She died from Covid or she still might be walking the halls. I just assumed he would be like her but I was wrong. My friend can’t find the right combo of meds to calm her husband and she has had to hire an additional CNA to be with him in the evening until he gets into bed. He is aggressive towards other residents. When he is given higher doses he starts to have trouble walking but he is still anxious and aggressive. I definitely don’t want John to get like that.

Crushed

FWIW DW's skills dropped abruptly in the 6 months BEFORE memory care
 
 
 She has been there over 5 years now She gets excellent care but this disease is a nightmare