Constant desire to go to the ER or visit a Dr.

Camerdu

87 year old mother - living nearbye in an assisted living apartment. Usually once/week she will become very anxious and want to go to the ER. At a minimum she wants to see a Dr right then because she doesn't feel well. It is an extremely tense situation to try and talk her down. She becomes angry and agitated and emotional. She knows that the assisted living personel will call an ambulance for her - but she is insistent that I come over and take her in. I have learned over the last two years that I can see it coming on about 1-2 days in advance. I also know that she becomes mean and says things that are completely out of her nature. About 80% of the time I am succesfull in telling her that she can see a Dr the next day - and if she makes it through the night, the issue is gone. This usually happens in the evenings. Any experiences and advice? I am concerned that the assisted living will eventually push her to move into the nursing home facility.

Quilting brings calm

I do not think they would suggest that she be moved for that.  However I would expect the director/ nurse to be strongly suggesting  medications for  anxiety, depression, or sleeping. If she is already on them, either a higher dosage or a different one. 

Since it is worse in the evenings, it’s a form of sundowning. Called that because they become anxious, confused, emotional etc as the sun goes down and tend to stay that way until bedtime.  Some people with dementia are instead  affected in the early mornings. The fixation on a topic is wearing on family members. 

My mom has had a few different medications for this over the last three years. Currently on sertraline(Zoloft) for anxiety, mirtrazipine ( Remeron) for depression and as a sleep aid.  She’s being weaned off of generic Xanax( which can aggravate dementia).  It’s helping as she no longer does  the crying over everything although she still worries about the smallest thing.  

I also have come to believe that the constant request for a doctor is an attention seeking behavior. You’ve become her ‘person’ to fix everything for her.   I listen and ask questions to make sure that there is no real emergency.   I remind myself that the staff will call me if there is one.  Sometimes I will call the front desk  just inquiring  if they’ve seen my parents today.  The answer usually comes back that they seem fine,  just left the dining hall, etc.

At some point, I’ve had to become detached about my mom’s emotional fixations for  my own  emotional health.  This is a marathon.  Mom is 84 and could live several more years( possibly a decade). 

zauberflote

Camerdu, welcome, and sorry you have to find yourself here. I agree with Quilting, there does seem to be some anxiety in your mom's life. Being anxious is absolutely miserable, when you can feel an ongoing sense of impending doom, which gets your whole body into the act. Perhaps you could speak with her PCP about this behavior? She's obviously unhappy, and possibly doesn't have the mental resources to make "it go away".