early to mid

Riverhills

My DH was diagnosed last year with EOS alzheimers and I have seen more memory loss and mor difficulty holding a conversation. He is still able to eat, dress, shower and have a daily routine. His nights involve getting up to go to the bathroom, get a cookie and check on the dogs. He has hallucinations early in the night that last about 2 hours. I need to travel out of town for a few days. He does not drive or leave the house. Can I leave him for 4 days without an outside caregiver? He does not like to fly and is not comfortable in a different place and schedule.

jfkoc

No. 

That is not what you wanted to hear but it simply would not be safe 24/7 4 days. At this point it is likely that he should not be left alone for any length of time.

I suggest you take your husband with you.

Riverhills

Does not want to fly and does not feel comfortable any where but home.

Gig Harbor

Does he know to call 911 for an emergency? Would he know to call the vet if one of the dogs had an emergency? How would he get them to the vet? My guess is that your husband would not be able to function safely if you were not there. Does he cook his own meals? All of the questions about daily living tasks show up their deficiencies. A PWD can seem to function OK as long as there is someone with them who actually directs everything.

Riverhills

Yes he knows to call 911. I would leave meals for dinner and he will microwave. He fixes his own breakfast and lunch. The dogs are older and do not have problems. We have neighbors he can contact.

JJ401

Leaving him alone for four days is a huge risk. If he has difficulty communicating, in an emergency the difficulty may impede him.getting help. You will leave meals, but without you there to cue him about mealtimes, he may either not eat or eat them all by the end of day two. Even if he doesn't wander now, four days alone increases the risk that he will. If there is a car in the driveway, the risk that he will find the keys you hid, and he will.drive away is there. 

My husband can perform all the ADLs. He fixes his breakfast and lunch. He can use the microwave, but if the electricity here goes out momentarily, the clock needs to be reset before it can be used. He cannot do that. In the winter when he got up early and the furnace was not working, he just sat on the couch waiting for me to awake. Last night when he couldn't turn up the thermostat, he just walked away saying broke. (It needed new batteries.)  If I hadn't been home to change the batteries, the house would have gotten quite cold. 

In my opinion, based on my experiences,  he is not safe a home alone for four days. 

JDancer

Perhaps you could hire a "dog sitter." Ideally, someone you know who is flexible in case other needs become apparent. 

JDancer

I just read your profile. If he gets angry and frustrated, it doesn't seem safe to leave him alone. 

Maybe with a camera system you watch closely and a plan for emergencies...

mommyandme (m&m)

I wouldn’t leave without at least installing a couple inexpensive cameras, whether you have a caregiver or not.  If you notice an issue you can call the neighbors to help or even emergency services.  Although if EMS was called in they may see he was in no condition to be left alone and it could come back on you.  Call the neighbor first.

MaryG123

I think it really depends on his mental state, and you should go with your gut feeling.  Many pwd live alone, with others checking up on them periodically.  Is it ideal, probably not, but it can work for a while.  I like jdancer’s idea of hiring someone to visit once a day.

ImMaggieMae

I agree with jfkoc. If he’s having hallucinations for 2 hours at night and has difficulty holding a conversation, I don’t think it would be safe to leave him alone. If anything out of the ordinary happened he could be thrown into a panic. He could wander off coming to look for you when you didn’t return the first day. Would he remember that you phoned him or that there were meals prepared for him? Could he start a fire using the stove? I would hire a caregiver.

Buggsroo

I wouldn’t leave him alone. Honestly, he could get into trouble at the drop of a hat. Do you have some nice neighbours or adult children who could stay with him. People with dementia get more difficult at night. I leave my husband on his own during the day, he gets his lunch, then I leave but I come back at dinner time to give him his meal. I hate to be a Debbie Downer but your husband might try and go and look for you because he forgot that you were out of town. Maybe you could get someone like the dog sitter to stay, telling your husband that you are worried about the dog.

Gig Harbor

If you decide to go definitely have cameras installed so you can watch him. When he has hallucinations at night what do you do? Do you stay with him and try to reorient him? Would you feel comfortable leaving him alone to go to the grocery store and let him deal with the hallucinations on his own? Maybe try leaving him overnight and stay in a hotel in town. Watch him on the cameras to see how he does. At ,east you could get home quickly if he starts to have a meltdown.

M1

There's a medical rule that says that if you even think someone might need a spinal tap you should go ahead and do it, even though it's a difficult procedure. This sounds similar to me: if you're even asking the question of whether he's safe to be alone, the answer is no, he's not.

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harshedbuzz

Riverhills-

If he's to a point where he is hallucinating and is struggling with conversation with a person who he knows well, 4 days at home alone seems risky. 

Just before my dad was finally diagnosed my mom made a decision to attend her sister's funeral a 10-hour drive away. I offered to stay with him but she wanted me to drive her, so she asked very dear friends who lived directly across the street to look in on him daily. The situation went sideways quickly without mom there. They were able to pop in each morning and either had him over for dinner or brought him something and it was not enough oversight. 

On the last night before mom came home, dad believed there was an intruder and that he'd killed the man. The house was trashed-- dad had removed painting from the walls, broken glass lamps and decor. I don't know if he saw his reflection in the windows and glass over the artwork and believed it was someone else or what. He was confused and covered with cuts when she got home. We ended up in the ER with dad in the midst of a psychotic episode. At least that led to the evaluation and diagnosis I'd been hounding mom about getting. It could have been a lot worse.

Fast forward to a year or so later when I had moved them nearer to me. Mom was still leaving dad home alone for a few hours during the day, but she was having her HVAC system replaced and wanted me there in case dad tried to disrupt the plan. While visiting with dad the smoke detector went off. They'd soldered some wiring and called down to tell me. After about 30 seconds dad asked me what the awful racket was. I explained than the smoke detector had gone off. Another 30-40 seconds passed and he stood up slowly to shuffle off to find my mother and tell her there was a fire. He'd forgotten she wasn't home, or that he should called 911 and get out. Mom only left him because she was sure he'd be OK for a few hours. She was wrong. In a true emergency he'd have died. 

I wouldn't be certain any PWD can react appropriately in an emergency-- the loss of executive function skills seems to happen before poor memory becomes obvious to others.

HB

rlpete

I can't add much more than has been said. It would be the hallucinations that would worry me the most. My wife had that for a short time. It wasn't that much after her initial dementia diagnosis either. I'd rather not discuss some of what she thought during that period but it wasn't good. Thankfully that has passed. 

Being alone and trying to manage, you never know what might come up. He might be able to call 911 in a normal situation but with hallucinations, there is no guarantee of what he might do.

If you have to leave, the camera idea is good. I rarely leave my wife alone for very long but I have some doctor's visits I need to care for. I use the drop-in feature with Alexa so I can talk to her without her having to do anything. There are only two rooms she would be in and we have an Alexa device in both. 

Good luck.    

Donr

When I needed a break, I would have her stay at a facility that offered respite care. By using the facility, it took away the worries and I could enjoy my time off.