Looking for advice(6)

Okie65

Hi there.  I'm new to this forum.  Our mom lives out of state.  Our dad passed a few years ago and lately, mom has been confused when we speak to her.  She often thinks dad is still there and when i call her, the next day she thinks I was there.  She hasn't been diagnosed with anything and can otherwise take care of herself besides the confusion.  The confusion does seem to be coming more frequently.  We don't have resources and don't know where to begin. She can take care of herself but I also wonder if part of the confusion may be related to her being lonely.  Should I correct her when she thinks I was there or should I go along with it?  She is a very sweet and happy woman.  I looked into care givers that might be able to spend time with her and take her to appointments but I just don't know how to approach this. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!

loveskitties

Sorry you find the need to be here, but you have found a safe place to ask questions and get information from those who are or who have already traveled this road.

I would first suggest that you or some trusted person visit your mother to help determine what other things may be going on...such as her eating, personal care, home condition, food availability, etc.  You need a better picture of her current situation, as for many the memory issue you describe is not usually the first symptom of decline.

Also, you need to contact an elder care attorney in your mother's state to determine how to handle medical and financial situations on her behalf should that be necessary.  If some documents such as will and Power of attorney already exist have them reviewed in light of the person being mentally compromized.

M1

Welcome to the forum Okie.  I would take this as a big, big red flag.  How do you know for a fact that things are okay?  Is there anyone local you could check in with, like a trusted neighbor?  Better yet, can you go for a prolonged visit so you can actually see how things are at home?  Most of us, by familiarity alone, tend to assume our loved ones are better off than they actually are by objective standards.

First order of business always is to make sure there is no underlying medical issue that could be causing the problem, and second is to take care of legal matters--do you have power of attorney for health care and finances?  If not, you want to do that ASAP and may need to consult an elder law attorney.   If she's confused and living alone, she is very susceptible to scammers of any sort.  Not to mention driving, which is another issue that raises its head early and often.

good luck, i'm sure others will chime in.

SusanB-dil

Hi Okie65 - welcome to 'here', but sorry for the reason.

I totally agree with what's been posted. If there is confusion like this, there are most likely other issues going on.  Definitely get DPOA and HIPPA accesses in place ASAP.  

As mentioned - Something you could check for is if any food in the fridge or pantry is out-of-date, and what is she generally eating? What types of food is she getting for herself?  If she is driving, you should check to be sure she is not getting confused while going anywhere, or driving in general.  Another thing to check is if bills and finances are in order.  Are utility bills being paid regularly?

and yes, as M1 indicated - do watch out for scammers