DH gets upset when I attend caregiver trainings/support groups

Anna2022

My DH gets upset when I attend a caregivers support group online. He has no insight that his memory is affected and therefore gets upset that I am attending these meetings. I can hide my attendance at these groups, but it's hard to step away with out him knowing and asking where I'm going for an hour and 1/2.  It also feels weird to lie about what I'm doing. Any suggestions or experience with this issue? Many thanks!

mommyandme (m&m)

Can you use a headset so he cannot hear the conversations of others? Maybe you’d could stay near by that way.  He’d hear you of course but maybe context wouldn’t be as clear.

MaryG123

“I’m getting together with my friends” is all he needs to know.  I wouldn’t upset him with the details.  My husband doesn’t know I’m on this forum and, at first, it was hard for me to remember not to discuss the things I learn here.  Now I’m used to it.  You could go to the library or a coffee shop if you don’t have privacy at home.

ElCy

I tell my husband I have book club and go down the street to Panera and zoom.

Anna2022

These are great suggestions, thank you!

I guess also I'm noticing that the emotional distance between DH and me is increasing because of the need to fib/not tell the absolute truth. Our relationship was built on honesty and it just feels odd/crappy to to things differently. I get that it's necessary,  it's just sad.

Joydean

Anna, yes it feels crappie to have to tell our love ones fiblets  and none of us like’s having to do it. But you also need to know we don’t do it to hurt them but to help them. The more we learn about this horrible disease the better caregiver we can be. I believe it was Ed (I could be wrong) that once explained that a lie is to hurt someone, a fiblet is to protect the one we love. It might make you feel better to tell your dh truth but how will it make him feel? I don’t think he would understand. I can clearly remember the first time I told my dh a “lie”, I felt terrible and wanted to just say wait that’s not true, I didn’t sleep at all that night. Next day I knew I had done the right thing. I can’t say it gets easier but nothing about this disease gets easier. 

Best of luck to you. 

joytoy

I find one of the hardest things to do is have to tell a lie about where I am going but if I dont my LO makes it so difficult to leave its like a double whammy get hell before I leave and when I return.