What not to say when touring

ElCy

I’m just beginning to look at memory care. Is there anything about DH behaviors I should not say?

MaryG123

First, I have not gone through this yet.  But reading stories here, I wouldn’t say much of anything, just ask them questions, and judge potential suitability from their answers.  They will do an evaluation before placement anyway.  I’m sure others will have more specific answers for you.

M1

Elcy, it is true that they will do an in-person assessment in the psych facility before making a decision.  My recent experience (also in the greater Nashville area) is that most places are eager for customers/clients.  I could argue this either way.  My first choice facility would not accept my partner because they thought she would be difficult and they (of course) said they had too many other difficult residents at the time (but I think they could always use that as an excuse).  On the other hand:  I could make an argument for being up front about your concerns.  They are going to have information from the psych facility, and if they accept him but then encounter unacceptable/aggressive behaviors, they will have no hesitation to send him back to psych and/or expel him.  From what you have written, you may be the trigger for a lot of his behaviors, and they may not be directed at anyone else (one can hope, anyway).  In their paperwork, most facilities will have written policies about what will get someone expelled, I would certainly ask to see that (it will likely be in the packets they will give you).  

Good luck.  Do keep us posted, and my heart goes out to you.

toolbeltexpert

Elcy I learned to always refer to the md in charge. I had a lot of rejections because I quoted what the geripsych was telling me, don't do that. Focus on what the facility has and if there is an available bed.  Short and sweet.

You can go wrong playing dumb.

Stewart

Ed1937

ElCy, this is just my personal opinion. I wouldn't be untruthful about his condition, but I wouldn't offer them any unnecessary information either. In other words, don't be in a hurry to give them a reason to reject him before acceptance. As long as you don't lie about his condition, I think you'll be OK. Just don't offer anything extra. He will be evaluated by the facility in question.

harshedbuzz

ElCy-

I found the experience of finding the right MCF for dad very like finding the right school for my son with dyslexia and a form of high-functioning autism. 

Not only do you want to establish a relationship founded on trust through the honest exchange of information, you do not want to waste time and money on a place that isn't up to the standard of care your DH requires in terms of training and experience. 

I was open about behavior we saw at home and also about his mixed dementia diagnosis (one of which can be associated with behavior issues). This took some places out of the running-- mostly places that cherry-picked residents. Dad was not accepted by mom's first choice on the basis of his diagnosis. He was accepted by our second choice (my first choice was a state VA home with a very masculine atmosphere) which worked out wonderfully well. 

In touring, I asked about how they would handle specific things we saw at home and also what behaviors would result in having to leave. They explained what would result in a transfer to a gerispych for medication management and reported that 9 out of 10 who were transferred were able to return to their facility. 

As M1 mentioned, dad's MCF did limit the number of residents with FTD to one per hallway as they felt PW this specific diagnosis needed a level of hand-on care that could interfere with their standards of care for everyone if they had more than one at a time. 

HB

Beachfan

Dear ElCy,

When I was looking at facilities for DH, he did not have any “behaviors.”  But I asked about behavior management and what would constitute dismissal, just in case.  I narrowed the facilities down to two, both are stand alone MCF’s which only serve Alzheimer’s and dementia patients. Staff are trained to manage behavior and a geri-psych facility is nearby for worst case scenarios. (DH has resided there almost one year and no one has been dismissed or treated off site for behavior management.)  I have witnessed staff dealing with challenging situations (verbal abuse, refusal to comply, aggression, elopement attempts, etc.) They have handled the residents calmly and with dignity; every incident was resolved successfully.  

Good luck with your visits and research.  It’s a daunting task.  

ElCy

Any places in or around Nashville you recommend?

M1

Elcy I sent you a connection invitation, would be happy to discuss with you individually but i don't think we should mention specific places on the boards.  Happy to tell you where I looked though.