What’s “right”?

mommyandme (m&m)

I think I’m seeing a glimpse of what may be ahead, maybe? My mother talks to herself (and her stuffies or who knows who) a lot and to others including me.  This started a few weeks ago. Unfortunately, “we” really can’t understand her. I think I do sometimes but only because I know her so well.  I feel like she’s voicing concerns and worries many times. Maybe she’s working through things in her past, present and future life.  Maybe she’s frustrated and/or depressed about doing nothing?  She thinks she wants to get up and out of her bed, I know that’s not really true because she’s frightened with even the slightest movement of the bed. She’s not angry she just seems unhappy at times.   Wouldn’t we all be… YES.  

At late stage seven, do I address the depression with meds? Try to get her happier?  Or is there a time when the humane thing to do is medicate to the point of sleeping more so she doesn’t have to feel?  

Yuck! 

SusanB-dil

oh m&m, so sorry - if only we knew what would be right  ((hugs))

My grandmother would 'talk' to anyone she thought was listening (people we actually saw, and people she saw that we did not). This was before we knew what we know these days. We still don't know much, do we?!  Dang frustrating thing 'this' is!

I know this is not quite an answer to your predicament, but I hear ya.  Ultimately, I would think the answer would be between you, her docs, and maybe caregivers what you think is best for her.     yeah.... yuck

M1

Very tough dilemma m&m.  So she does seem agitated or unhappy when she's doing this?  I'd be fearful that introducing medication might tip the balance towards sleeping too much or not eating.

mommyandme (m&m)

Thank you for your kind support.  She’s not really agitated although she doesn’t get as much sleep at night because of her “conversations.  She does seem concerned or self pitying? I just don’t know but that’s the nature of this stupid dementia beast. Just gonna carry on with the unknowns for today and tomorrow and… so on… I’m not inclined to be the scale tipper, yet..  well really never. 

Thanks again! 

May flowers

M&M, my LO does this too, sometimes he gets very agitated because he wants someone to do or fix something but we have no idea what. Other times it’s quiet conversations, and like you mentioned, it’s like he is working through something, or replaying a scenario from his past. The latter is more and more. 

Mostly is gibberish and sometimes almost in a whisper some really can’t follow.

His med (Risperidone) has definitely taken the edge off the agitation without overly sedating him, his morning dose is split - one before cleaning/changing in the morning and one in the afternoon (haven’t needed that dose for several weeks now), and a whole dose at night. He also takes Zyrtec, melatonin, and some acid reducers at night, and that combo has helped him fall asleep and stay asleep for a good while. 

Even though he pulled through his pneumonia, he has really gone downhill since. He is moving, communicating, and eating much less, sleeping a lot more, often has a faraway look in his eyes like he sees something on the ceiling. Lots of dreaming. And early morning hours on the camera, we hear him talking and see him reaching for something. 

mommyandme (m&m)

Thanks May flowers.  We do melatonin and Ativan in the evening.  It does help but if anything wakes her up, cats, cold… she’s up for the day whether it’s 3,4 or 8 am.  She’s also slower to fall asleep but she’s in bed, she can’t do anything to get in trouble except pick her skin.  Just wish I could ease her mind IF its not at ease.  

I hope your day is peaceful enough today.  

ninalu

Hi m&m,

I'm another "me too" with your description of your mother's verbalizations. My mom does this too, mostly with closed eyes, and I haven't been able to make sense of what is being discussed. It often appears to me as though she's speaking with many other people who are not visible but very much present for her. She'll turn her head in one direction and then another, listening and responding -- all very quietly though sometimes the tone is practical and other times it's more plaintive. 

I've learned better to read her signs of physical pain and we treat that so I don't think I'm seeing physical pain, but it is difficult to know with certainty. Sigh. The one thing that seems to help my mom consistently is a gentle, loving touch or kiss on the head. Classical music that's relaxing also works well for us. Tenderness now, moreso than at any other point on the journey, seems especially appreciated. She seems to just soak it in.  

Mom's nurse said that if the conversations make her upset "past a certain point" we can give Ativan or a stronger pain medication. The nurse reassured me that I'll know when it's time for that. I hope she's right. 

Sending you warm thoughts. My mom is stage 7 too. 

mommyandme (m&m)

Thank you, ninalu! The support and commiserating is so helpful.