We're moving out. Good luck dad!

CatsWithHandsAreTrouble

My sister had a bad day at pill time with mom tonight, leaving me with a very worked up and anxious mom. I managed to calm her down somewhat and take half her pills. I took her up to my parents room and got her ready for bed and calmed her down a little more but she was still anxious. I managed to get her to take one more pill.

She kept huffing and puffing and on verge of tears saying someone was going to come and ahe had to get stuff. I told her I can deal with that for her and it was time to relax; gave her lots of hugs and kisses, held her hand, told her I was so proud of how hard she was working each day despite how difficult it all is. She then threw up all the pills we just had her take. ((Sigh))

My sister's actions during pill time were atrocious. We both agreed that it was time for her to go. She can no longer handle mom, can't handle herself. Not her fault, she's overworked and overwhelmed. She's packing a few things now and will be moving in with her steady boyfriend.

I was thinking this morning about when I'd move out too, which is kinda funny. I picked April. Right after my birthday, not during winter, and hopefully enough in the future for dad to make plans on what to do with two less sources of income and help.

We can't stay here. Dad's not going to change. Mom's beyond our level of ability to care for. This house has been toxic ever since we first moved in way back in 2007 and it was foolish that we came back in 2018 to "help around the house."

Not sure what the future holds but I'm tired of treading water and I won't let myself drown.

mommyandme (m&m)

I’m so sorry for all of you.  Time to change things up.  

Pill burden is a real thing.  When it came time for my mom to have her pills hidden in food, I made sure what could be crushed and what couldn’t be.  We removed and titrated off what we needed to and on we went.  

Good Luck! 

MN Chickadee

Sounds like you have been perfectly reasonable. I'm glad you and your sister are going to focus on your own health for a change.

SusanB-dil

I think you've done all you could, and did a great job, with your best shot.  Especially with others adding to the chaos, sometimes you just need to step away and take care of yourself.

CatsWithHandsAreTrouble

Thank you everyone ((hugs)). I'm not sure about my YS but I will still be helping with mom, just not as much as I have been, going forward and come April. I would love to be able to be her 24/7 caregiver, co-companion, what have you, but I'm just not cut out for that and I'm trying my best to find my limits so mom can get the best care we can give her without my limits interfering.

We still have an aide but the first one is either still out recovering from surgery or doesn't like the hour change we offered her. There's some lapse in coverage between aides but I am still available during that so that's okay until we can find someone.

I will do my best to set dad up for success for our departure and it'll be up to him to either follow that or not. Dad's been talking about downsizing so maybe this will help him shift into gear for that. 

I just don't want to stay in the same house with him either. I knew his stance on the LGBT, I just didn't know it directly applied to me too. Had I known I was transgender before we moved back in, I wouldn't have. Heck, had I known that mom wasn't suffering from burnout but dementia, I might not have moved in. But that's all water under the bridge and I just have to make the best of it.