And now?(1)

French

Almost 1 month…

I took the 3 days leave could have for » familial event ». I used them to prepare the ceremony and the next morning because my mother was still home. Since then I have worked a lot. I have moved a lot for my work (now I can). I was late I most of my tasks… and I am still late. 

I am also in my souvenirs. On Tuesday I was in Lyon and in the university where he studied. Before I would have sent him a picture, for him to remember. It is no more possible. Saturday I went to the seaside and had a look to the sailing boats in the harbor, as he would have done. I am not sad, but melancholic.

What is the worst is that I feel like if I had a huge mountain in front of me:

- all the work that is late

- all what hasn’t been done in the house for 2 months (and certainly more in fact)

- what is late with my child (dentist, doctor…)

and not the least , all the legal stuff that I have to face for the inheritance. Everything has to be evaluated, I have to cancel his subscriptions… His bank account is blocked but he still has many things to pay. Administrative work: Banks, insurances, social security, car, house… 

As he has 2 adult sons who will inherit 1/3 each, I am not sure I will be able to pay their share to stay in my home, but I can’t imagine where I would find enough energy to move from this house that we have refurbished, where  we have raised 5 children together… Yes, this house is too spacious now that we are only 3, but it is my house, and also a question of energy. When I will have all the estimates I will have to decide. Perhaps I won’t have the choice and I will have to sell it and move. Just thinking that discourages me. I work a lot but I know it a flight ahead.

JoeC, you asked me how I feel, here is the answer: I just feel discouraged. I think I have 6 bad months (not more because there is a legal délai for inheritance, after you pay penalties) with this mountain to face. I couldn’t imagine it was so huge…

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M1

French, it's definitely good to hear from you.

Take your time!!  This is very early days yet.  Like Victoria, i am sure you will find a way through, but it is likely going to take longer than you would normally anticipate--plus, as I'm sure you know, major decisions (like selling the house) should be deferred for a LONG time after such a life-changing event.

I empathize completely; and I am just dealing with the ongoing fallout from recent placement, not with death.  I have very little energy and feel overwhelmed about getting anything done.  Many days I am doing well just to take a shower and put clothes on.

I think we all need to be gentle with ourselves.

Please keep posting, it is indeed good to hear from you.

Ed1937

French, I'm glad you checked in. You have a lot on your plate, and trying to handle things like that while grieving is harder than hard. But the good news is that time will allow you to get everything done, even if a little late. As M1 said, don't be in a hurry to make any decisions for quite some time. Things will get done. You just want to make sure they get done right.

abc123

Dear French,  I surely hope that you will be able to stay in your home.! You must have many happy memories from the years before he became ill. The two of you working together to make the house become "the home" that you both wanted it to be and raising 5 children there! 

I understand about the legal time limit on the inheritance procedure. BUT with all other important decisions please take your time, as much time as you need. Don't let anyone pressure you into making quick decisions. Looking back on losing my husband, I made some very poor choices with finances. I hope the two adult sons treat you with the respect you deserve and they truly understand what you have done to care for their father. I wish you the best French!