Vascular Dementia(10)

Katie Roo

My DH was recently diagnosed with vascular dementia.  He is currently exhibiting memory problems, confusion, frustration/aggravation.  For example, he will ask me 4-5 times a day what we are having for dinner - even though he took it out.  He asks the day of the week, the month even though he can look for it on his computer/phone.  He forgets how to use things he has used before - like how to find his email on his phone, how to use the toaster oven, how does he attach a picture to an email/text.  I feel like he thinks I am his personal Google, and when I don't know the answer, he asks me "don't you know anything?"  He struggles watching TV shows and understanding the plot/players.  I am constantly having to explain what is going on with it.  He struggles with understanding conversations as well as verbalizing what he thinks he is saying.  He recognizes this, as well as the fact that sometimes he doesn't even understand what he just said, even though it seemed to makes sense when he said it.  He get very frustrated when things do not go his way or the way he thinks they should go.  Examples include, I don't park in the parking spot he thinks I should at the grocery store - but I'm the one going in, he's not.  Also, I guess I don't know what traffic lane I am supposed to be in since whichever one I'm in - it's the wrong one. If a daughter tells us shes having lunch at 1, he gets frustrated/aggravated by 1:20 because it's not according to the plan.  He's never needed a plan before but now we have to plan just about everything.  And, heaven forbid I make any kind of mistake - yet anything that goes wrong is my fault. 

Does anybody else go through this?  It can be so frustrating.  I have Googled many resources, and they say it will get worse, but when and how much depends so much on the individual.  I would like to connect with someone who has experienced watching someone in this stage of dementia (whichever one it is) and can help me understand it better and how to prepare for the future. 

Thanks for listening to this rambling and venting discussion. 

MaryG123

It is sooo annoying Katie Roo, and I can relate to everything you said.  The good folks on this forum have taught me that we can’t change our person with dementia’s understanding, so have to change our own.  Since they no longer reason or see the world as we do, we have no hope of convincing them otherwise.  In addition, those with added anxiety or delusions have even more complicated behaviors.  I’ve attached an article about understanding persons with dementia below, and there are good YouTube videos by Teepa Snow that have me helped too.  But most days I really struggle to be patient, and often fail.

Btw, I no longer help my DH use the computer or internet.  I tell him that I can’t figure it out either and it must not be working today.  Then I try to distract him with some other activity.

John_inFlorida

Katie Roo, this sounds a lot like my DW. She was diagnosed with vascular dementia after having a stroke. It's been 10 years now. We have the memory problems and the confusion. Luckily no frustration or aggravation.  She asks the same questions over and over, what's for dinner, what day is it? what time is it. She could look for it on her phone too.  She pretty much doesn't do anything around the house I have had to take over cooking, cleaning, shopping ect. She is on her phone all day, using email, texts, and Facebook, but at any given times doesn't know which she's using. You hit it right on the head when you said "I feel like he thinks I am his personal Google". So many times she wants to tell someone on Facebook something but needs me to look it up. I don't understand her need to tell people about things she doesn't know anyway.

She also struggles watching TV shows and understanding the plot/players.  It's so distracting to try to watch and also having to explain what is going.  

Many times its like that old comic scenario, "who's on first",  conversations are so circular. 

She doesn't need a plan like your DH, but like if we are going out to eat, she needs to know where we are going and how to look it up online so she can pick out what she's going to eat before we get there. And I need to remember what she wants because she will not remember.

She usually doesn't get upset for any mistakes I make but does seem to like pointing them out. A couple of times though it as bad. Like I forgot to get bagels from the grocery store once and you would have thought it was the end of the world. I finally had to promise to go back the next day to get them.

It can be frustrating.

I think its very different for each person. And so strange as it seems to fluctuate so much, one day she cant do something the next she can.

 I also wouldn't mind connecting with someone in a similar situation, if nothing else to comiserate with

Judi57

My husband has vascular dementia also.  Something I just recently found on the internet was the seven stages of VaD.  

https://dementech.com/2022/06/28/what-are-the-7-stages-of-vascular-dementia/

Katie Roo

Hi. A friend also recommended Teepa Snow to me, and I have seen her videos, and downloaded her app.  It is quite helpful.  And, I appreciate your sharing the article.   I'm slowly realizing that I am the one that will have to change to meet him where he is, and that is hard - as you know.

Let's keep in touch and share as we go down this road together. 

Thank you!

Davegrant

My DW was diagnosed with MCI in 2017 , In the fall  of 2016, I began noticing personality changes and she told me she could no longer remember how to prepare meals,  I retired about that time so in a few months took over all household responsibilities. I identify with so many of the stories on this site that I decided that this was my home and I visit it daily. My DW asks me every morning who is coming today. She will ask me over and over. Our children and grand children live in the area so we manage to have several visitors each week. I work to encourage these visits as my DW wants to be surrounded by family. I, not so much but I see it as my responsibility as she has no other interests. It is getting harder and harder as it is me that ends up hosting the visitors as she moves around the house looking at things. After a couple of visitors and about 4:00pm she will ask," who is coming tomorrow?" This goes on every day. Other areas of current concern are meals, taking medications, and sleeping, She also has anosognosia so she has no knowledge that anything is wrong. She does most things her way.  DW has maintained some social cognition skills so she can call them up when visitors arrive. She is "good"at it. 

Identifying the type of dementia has been challenging but I am feeling closest to vascular without a clear diagnosis. I am not obsessed with it but it feels good to "fit" with others. 

Dave

Crushed

My Mother had and died with and of Vascular dementia . 
Disease progress was about 11 years
Very similar to what you describe
But there is no standard progression

Cdickison

> @John_inFlorida said:
> Katie Roo, this sounds a lot like my DW. She was diagnosed with vascular dementia after having a stroke. It's been 10 years now. We have the memory problems and the confusion. Luckily no frustration or aggravation.  She asks the same questions over and over, what's for dinner, what day is it? what time is it. She could look for it on her phone too.  She pretty much doesn't do anything around the house I have had to take over cooking, cleaning, shopping ect. She is on her phone all day, using email, texts, and Facebook, but at any given times doesn't know which she's using. You hit it right on the head when you said "I feel like he thinks I am his personal Google". So many times she wants to tell someone on Facebook something but needs me to look it up. I don't understand her need to tell people about things she doesn't know anyway.
>
> She also struggles watching TV shows and understanding the plot/players.  It's so distracting to try to watch and also having to explain what is going.  
>
> Many times its like that old comic scenario, "who's on first",  conversations are so circular. 
>
> She doesn't need a plan like your DH, but like if we are going out to eat, she needs to know where we are going and how to look it up online so she can pick out what she's going to eat before we get there. And I need to remember what she wants because she will not remember.
>
> She usually doesn't get upset for any mistakes I make but does seem to like pointing them out. A couple of times though it as bad. Like I forgot to get bagels from the grocery store once and you would have thought it was the end of the world. I finally had to promise to go back the next day to get them.
>
> It can be frustrating.
>
> I think its very different for each person. And so strange as it seems to fluctuate so much, one day she cant do something the next she can.
>
>  I also wouldn't mind connecting with someone in a similar situation, if nothing else to comiserate with

> @John_inFlorida said:
> Katie Roo, this sounds a lot like my DW. She was diagnosed with vascular dementia after having a stroke. It's been 10 years now. We have the memory problems and the confusion. Luckily no frustration or aggravation.  She asks the same questions over and over, what's for dinner, what day is it? what time is it. She could look for it on her phone too.  She pretty much doesn't do anything around the house I have had to take over cooking, cleaning, shopping ect. She is on her phone all day, using email, texts, and Facebook, but at any given times doesn't know which she's using. You hit it right on the head when you said "I feel like he thinks I am his personal Google". So many times she wants to tell someone on Facebook something but needs me to look it up. I don't understand her need to tell people about things she doesn't know anyway.
>
> She also struggles watching TV shows and understanding the plot/players.  It's so distracting to try to watch and also having to explain what is going.  
>
> Many times its like that old comic scenario, "who's on first",  conversations are so circular. 
>
> She doesn't need a plan like your DH, but like if we are going out to eat, she needs to know where we are going and how to look it up online so she can pick out what she's going to eat before we get there. And I need to remember what she wants because she will not remember.
>
> She usually doesn't get upset for any mistakes I make but does seem to like pointing them out. A couple of times though it as bad. Like I forgot to get bagels from the grocery store once and you would have thought it was the end of the world. I finally had to promise to go back the next day to get them.
>
> It can be frustrating.
>
> I think its very different for each person. And so strange as it seems to fluctuate so much, one day she cant do something the next she can.
>
>  I also wouldn't mind connecting with someone in a similar situation, if nothing else to comiserate with

> @John_inFlorida said:
> Katie Roo, this sounds a lot like my DW. She was diagnosed with vascular dementia after having a stroke. It's been 10 years now. We have the memory problems and the confusion. Luckily no frustration or aggravation.  She asks the same questions over and over, what's for dinner, what day is it? what time is it. She could look for it on her phone too.  She pretty much doesn't do anything around the house I have had to take over cooking, cleaning, shopping ect. She is on her phone all day, using email, texts, and Facebook, but at any given times doesn't know which she's using. You hit it right on the head when you said "I feel like he thinks I am his personal Google". So many times she wants to tell someone on Facebook something but needs me to look it up. I don't understand her need to tell people about things she doesn't know anyway.
>
> She also struggles watching TV shows and understanding the plot/players.  It's so distracting to try to watch and also having to explain what is going.  
>
> Many times its like that old comic scenario, "who's on first",  conversations are so circular. 
>
> She doesn't need a plan like your DH, but like if we are going out to eat, she needs to know where we are going and how to look it up online so she can pick out what she's going to eat before we get there. And I need to remember what she wants because she will not remember.
>
> She usually doesn't get upset for any mistakes I make but does seem to like pointing them out. A couple of times though it as bad. Like I forgot to get bagels from the grocery store once and you would have thought it was the end of the world. I finally had to promise to go back the next day to get them.
>
> It can be frustrating.
>
> I think its very different for each person. And so strange as it seems to fluctuate so much, one day she cant do something the next she can.
>
>  I also wouldn't mind connecting with someone in a similar situation, if nothing else to comiserate with

John, I see you’ve not been on here in quite a while. However, I’m also in FL and would enjoy “commiserating”.

DWTired

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/62879/vascular-dementia-10

You just described my life EXACTLY! My DH has Vascular Dementia as well…. It is so stressful! I too have searched Google to the end….I have started just leaving the room when he gets agitated and just come back later. That works sometimes. What I have learned from Vascular Dementia is most likely a stroke, as my DH has has 3 and at least 3 TIA’s. I talked to his Neuro Dr last week and we are trying Seroquel 50 mg a day. So far on day 6 I don’t see a big improvement in agitation. Right now my goal is to get something to bring him down a few notches. He gets up every morning in a “ I’ve got to get something done today! Mood.. and right NOW!!” You are free to connect with me… we are in the same boat!

Bailey's Mom

Same thing here…what day is it (over and over), what month is it, what's for dinner, if you're not doing anything would you look up this kind of dental floss on google, if you're not busy (if I say no it is a major explosion) can we go over my finances (which he doesn't understand and I explain to him almost every day)…tv shows are a disaster because of the constant explaining of plot and characters, if we have something planned he micromanages it until it becomes so complicated that it is almost not possible…everything is my fault…etc, etc. I've gotten better at not causing undue agitation…just except the blame for everything…i.e. he'll ask me my opinion and if I give it he will yell "I don't need you telling me what to do", if I don't answer it's "of course, you have nothing to say about it". I have pretty much given up…just go through life as a robot.

DWTired

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/228124#Comment_228124

You are right… we have to learn as many strategies as we can to get thru each day!

DWTired

Thank You all for sharing! I felt like I was alone in my Journey. 💕