Being a caregiver(1)

Appy

Greetings to all of you fine caregivers!  I know I'm probably not alone in this one but it's been on my mind.  

I have taken care of and most recently become mainly the manager of my Mom's care. She is 96 and lives in a house across the driveway from my husband and I. Her care has been my main focus for the past 5 years. I am now blessed with five ladies (private care) who do the hands on care which frees me up to do everything else needed for Mama. 

This part of my life is all consuming at times and I have had to learn over the course of this year to back away from the care part and start taking better care of myself. But it still is all consuming most of the time with all it entails. Recently I had a woman I saw as a friend tell me that, "All you talk about is your Mom and all the stuff involved in her care. I'm SO tired of hearing about it and so I'm not really wanting to see you anymore."  Ouch...I try hard to not talk about it ALL the time...I know it probably gets to be a bit much for some. But when something consumes a good 75% or more of your life what is it you talk about? It hurt to have this woman turn her back on me like she did. I try to be sensitive to what is going on in others lives and not just always yack on about Mama.  Then I stopped and thought about all of the people who are continually checking in with me and asking how Mama is doing, how I am doing, if there is anything they can do to help and then just listening. One friend said, "This is a season, an all consuming season, for you. But one of these days it will be behind you and things will change. Why would I walk away now?"  God bless her! 

Anyway...just something I needed to share with those who I know understand. Thanks for listening!! 

mommyandme (m&m)

Thank you for sharing! It helps so much to know I’m not alone. I’m glad you have friends that are the real thing. I’m sorry your other “friend” abandoned you that way but at least you don’t have to wonder since she was honest. Yuck!

Iris L.

A very close friend, who I thought of as the younger sister I never had, turned her back on me.  Her exact words: "I'm backing away from you."  Unfortunately, abandonment by family members and close friends is common when care needs enter the picture.

Iris L.

BABA757

True family and friends will be there for you and your loved one.  The others either cannot deal with it emotionally or as we call them are Disneyland Friends and Family, only there for the good times.  Don't accept less than the 100% you would give to them.  It is not a loss when they don't help either by listening or support.  You will accept this and tomorrow will choose people in your life that are healthy for you.  You will be fine, in the future much stronger and make different choices about the people in your life.  Some people can't give as the ole saying goes what they don't have.  Breathe and know you are giving the most important gift to your loved one, being there for them.  Take quiet time for you even if that's all you can do right now.  Don't waste it on why they aren't there but, take care of anything you enjoy for a few minutes a day.  Celebrate you!

LaurenB

Appy, sorry that this friend is not able to continue to be your support during this time of your journey.  I have had to let go of 2 best friends/families this year.  I was there for them when one had a husband who was virtually cheating on her and another who's (now ex husband) has done unspeakable things.  These friends were like sisters to me and we talked daily.  They came to my house for holidays with their families for the past 10 years.  This past year they have not been supportive of me with my mom's Alzheimer's journey.  I've had to let them go.  We'll have a much quieter Thanksgiving without the additional 9 friend/family members, but this is where we are in our journey.  I'm so glad to have made friends who are on this journey with their own parents and am grateful for the online support group that meets virtually.