The fine art of complaining by King Boo

Ed1937

I copied this post by King Boo, made quite some time ago. But I think it is an excellent post, and it could help others here. I'm not posting this for any particular person, but an FYI.

"THE FINE ART OF COMPLAINING

 Things do not go perfectly, as we want them to go, in a care facility.  Unless it is an horrific breach, gradually work up the care chain.

For example, sporadic oral hygiene?  Speak with the CNA doing the work.  By doing this, I forged a relationship with the CNA, who throughout Dad's 3 years stay in MC would contact me whenever a care problem was encountered.   Going directly to the Director of Personal Care would not have achieved my desired goal, which, for the long term, was to facilitate Dad's overall care, not just toothbrushing.   I would have if it was not successful, but 1 conversation revealed what the problem was and together the CNA and I set up a solution that worked.  When we left MC for SNF, one of the CNA's came to me and said "You respect us and our work like very few people.  I hope your Dad can come back."

Was care perfect?  No.  Was it very good?  Yes.  Were matters of utmost importance and safety checks being conducted properly?  Yes.  Most importantly - Did I have the means to constructively enact change for Dad?  Yes-through the relationship forged with his direct care staff. 

We must choose our battles carefully, and plan careful execution of them for best outcome for our LO.   If I complain about things of relative inconsequence (why weren't the curtains put up in the morning) vs. very important items of concern (why wasn't I called about the fall that gave Dad a black eye). . . . .we can be labeled noisy problems to be gotten rid of.

I would call this becoming the identified family (aka the resident we would love to get rid of at first opportunity because the family is a huge problem, and nothing we can ever say or do will make them content).  You don't have to be paranoid, just aware of this.  A care facility can and will refuse to take a resident back after a hospitalization

Please note:   I am not ever saying not to work on problem or to report problems.  I am just saying a careful evaluation of your actions and how it will impact things is indicated before you say or do anything. 

For example:  During one of Dad's rehab. stays, there was a very, very, bossy, dominant male nurse, who would not let any other staff have their say or input about Dad during his care conference.

What I did- confrontation.  Not a good call.   Saying "Could you please let other staff give me their input, why are you answering for them" made me feel good, but it got us bounced out of that facility as he had final say on re- admissions, after Dad's next hospitalization

What I should have done:  "Miss Smith, could you please tell me what you think of Dad's ambulation?"

Turned out not to be an appropriate facility anyway, but. . . . .my next point

A BAD FACILITY IS A BAD FACILITY . . .or, slightly modified AN INAPPROPRIATE FACILITY IS AN INAPPROPRIATE FACILITY

 If you encounter one of these, if at all possible, do whatever is in your power to get your LO out of there.  Even if your complaints to the Ombudsman enact some change, if the underlying corporate or social structure is bad, you will not be able to re-write the entire functioning of the facility in time to do your LO any good.

Bad care and bad care facilities do need to be reported.   Report as you see fit.  Report right away for serious breaches.   But for more minor things, sometimes the knowledge that you are aware of the Obudsman can enact change for your LO temporarily while you find a new care facility. 

Just some thoughts from my 9 plus years of dealing with hospitals, rehabilitation, assisted living, memory care and skilled nursing facilities.

We must advocate for our LO's - this means dealing with difficult situations in the most productive manner possible for them.  It frequently means that we must maintain objectivity in the face of great emotional upset.  I have to constantly remind myself that my decision making must have Dad's care at the center of it. "

Twin Mom

Thanks for the reminder.  It so often hard to remember during the emotions of "the moment", but ever so true.

M1

Yes, thank you, Ed and King Boo both.  Very relevant to my current situation, and what I am trying to balance.  But being the identified family is so complicated when I can't be there regularly.  I wish I could figure out how to fix this.. will try to keep this in mind as I move forward.....

toolbeltexpert

Ed thanks,this is my poor suit. Alot of what King Boo wrote sounded like the what I read in the caregiver book on communicating with all the medical and facility caregivers and good strategies for getting a positive outcome. I didn't want to burn any bridges when I moved my dw from the snf to mc, so I asked the ombudsman to help facilitate the move. She knew who to call and who to email plus the fact that her postion carries with it a certain amount of authority. It went so well, sometimes we have too much on our plate. I have learned to ask for the help. 

M1 I don't envy your predicament. I pray that you will have better visits and a good outcome. You have already effected change in the policy. But I know you wish it wasn't you having to go thru this. I know I would be upset that something so basic as TP was ignored. 

Stewart

jfkoc

thank you....another reminder for me to  remember my goal and then to figure out my approach...approach...approach to move forward