Just Starting

OldSon

My family is just starting down this path. My father has recently started displaying worrying signs of dementia. He has yet to receive any official diagnosis beyond “mild cognitive degradation” however, he’s started some behavior that feels like a diagnosis is likely imminent. 

For 60 years, he worked as a meat cutter for a retail supermarket chain. He was very good at it and often won recognition. However he never developed any hobbies. So, when he retired at the beginning of this year, it was without any sort of plan. 

Lately, he’s been becoming confused where he can’t caress himself clearly. He’s associating bowel movements with his work (as best I can tell). He’s worried about having a bowel movement. He doesn’t want to be constipated, but he also is worried about pushing too hard and bleeding. Then he talks about wrapping product as if it was associated with using the bathroom. As far as I know, he doesn’t actually have any constipation issues as he’s changed his diet to include lots of leafy greens. 

He’s gotten in the habit of referring to his retirement as if it were a job. He talks about getting paid for going on his morning walk. 

What I’m looking for right now is some advice on how best to respond to him when he gets confused and can’t express his concerns clearly. My mother is his primary caregiver and she tells me she gets into this situation regularly. I am trying to help her and myself by learning how we should best be responding to his anxiety and confusion. 

I’m distantly hoping that maybe someone has seen this sort of job/retirement/(bowel movement) confusion before? Sounds real specific, I know, but throwing it out there in case someone has something that’s helpful. 

Mostly want to know what to be doing for my father until we can get help from a dedicated doctor. So far, my mother’s calls have not been responded to. 

chobbs220

My husband is also displaying a few odd behaviors.  He hasn't worked in nearly 20 years, but talks about jobs like he just did them yesterday (he was a contractor).  He also has developed an extreme amount of anger towards women in general.  Saying that we are "taking over the world", and destroying it.  I am at my wits end because of his explosive behavior.  Nothing violent.  Just a whole lot of reminiscing and talking about things that have happened 30 years ago with a large amount of paranoia and anger sprinkled in.

SusanB-dil

Hello OldSon and chobbs220 - welcome to 'here', but sorry for the reason.

It is not unusual for someone to speak of a former job as if they are still active in it in some manner.  Not familiar with confusing the job with any bathroom habits, but with 'this' dreadful disease, about anything is possible.

The best you can do is 'go with the flow'.  As long as he isn't hurting anything or anyone, and it turns out nothing else is physically wrong (per doctor), we just have to go with it...  'oh, yes, really?' 'wow, isn't that something'

You can also check the 'solutions' tab above and for some specifics, can check out the 'Archives' for many subjects and possible solutions.

chobbs220 - so sorry you are dealing with that agitation to that degree. Paranoia also not uncommon. However, there are meds that can help calm the paranoia and the aggression. Do tell his primary care doc what is happening, and see about getting a neurologist on his care team.

Also - important for all - Do get DPOA and HIPAA paperwork addressed yesterday...!!   and rule #1: Don't argue with a person with dementia. It is futile and only gets all parties agitated and frustrated.  also rule #1: do take care of yourself.