Vent -bad morning, fixation on dad's junk and fictitious woman

CatsWithHandsAreTrouble

Mom won't sit down, can't focus on anything and is super stressed out about everything. She keeps trying to fix Dad's piles of junk and stuff which is stressing me out because he gets so angry when his things are moved. His stuff is just everywhere. 

I hate it. 

Everything I see says homes with those with dementia should be clutter free but we can't do anything because the clutter is his and he won't put them away. He will take anything we put away out again; if we're lucky, he won't throw it directly on the floor...

Mom's been wandering around the house huffing and puffing for the last hour. All my usual bag of tricks is not helping which is frustrating me further. I just put her jacket on her, hoping that the weight might be reassuring since she's not letting me hug her.

Mom's also been talking about a woman for about two hours now, asking where the woman went and when would she be back. Saying other things like she has to talk to her, that she has something for the woman, that the woman has something of hers. I can't figure out what she's trying to convey with that. There's been no woman here today, just me.

Right now I'm trying to give mom space as a last resort. I'm around the corner from her, can hear what she's doing, and can get to her if an intervention is needed. I'm hoping that she can "reset" and get over whatever delusions she currently is having since anything I say to distract and redirect has been unhelpful.

The day just started and I have no idea how I can last nine more hours by myself.

Marp

I think giving mom some space is a good idea.

Does she like music?  When my sister gets wound up, I put in a CD of patriotic music that we have and that helps her focus on something else.

I get it with the clutter.  Most of the clutter in our house is my sister's.  They say the house should be clutter free, but that's hard to do when the Alzheimer's patient is the one producing the clutter.

CatsWithHandsAreTrouble

I had music playing but she started to think it was people hiding in the house to kill her so it's off now. She keeps trying to run out the door so I can't leave her alone. 

She really likes Jim Reeves and we play that for her in the evening and calms her down. Sadly that's not happening right now.

CatsWithHandsAreTrouble

I'm very sure dad has undiagnosed ADHD which impares his impulse control and just keeps buying stuff that he uses only once or it breaks and the ADHD impares his executive function and can't throw out the broken stuff.

Quilting brings calm

Could the fictitious woman be your mom’s reflection in the mirror?  If she saw herself with something in her hand ( toothbrush, hairbrush, etc), that may be why she thinks she saw a woman taking her stuff. 

Can you slowly throw out your dad’s broken items- as in one item a day.  So gradual that he doesn’t notice in the piles he has on the floor. 

CatsWithHandsAreTrouble

I'm not sure it's her reflection this time. When she's seen her reflections while I've been in the room with her, she recognizes it as her. ("Oh that's me" and preening type stuff)

Dad's things are large. I dare not touch them least he get violent.

Arrowhead

The clutter is what keeps my wife busy. Moving things around the house is the only thing she can do, so I let her. I keep plenty of worthless stuff around for her to move. If it keeps them busy and happy, and doesn't hurt anything, let them do it.