Fear of physical harm

Flemjenn

Hello all. My mom is the primary caregiver of my step dad with Alzheimer’s. He had a heart attack on Halloween and had three stints placed. He was brought home this past Sunday.  While he was in the hospital he became very violent several times and was restrained most of the time he was there.  Now that he is home the Alzheimer’s is even worse. He doesn’t even know that this is home or that my mom isn’t his first wife.  So within that week he went from driving and knowing my mom and his home to not knowing anything and upset all the time. I live in Wyoming with my husband.   But are in New Mexico right now staying with my mom for a week. Since we got him home I have been scared to death of him becoming violent and hurting my mom physically. I leave on Saturday. Two of his daughters live here in the same town but are not good support for my mom. I’m so conflicted on what to do. If I move back here it would be without my husband and would end in divorce and I don’t want to lose my husband but my mom needs help and I am scared for her safety when I’m gone.  At what point should she consider finding a facility for him? How do I reassure my mom that she will be okay? I’m very afraid of the smallest thing setting him off. I’ve told my mom that she has the right to live in her own home without the fear of being beat up or worse. Am I wrong? Or do we have to wait until he does hurt my mom to get him out of here? I’m so scared she is too and we don’t know what to do. I told her even if his daughters don’t like it when she feels it’s time for him to go then it is. Right? Okay that’s all I can think of right now. Thank you for any advice.

SusanB-dil

Hi Flemjenn - if you or mom are in any physical threat, you can call 9-1-1, explain the situation, and hopefully they will take him to psych ward for neurological evaluation and meds. A neurologist should be able to figure which meds to use. A bit surprised they released him without addressing this issue.

At the very least - please call the alz hotline ASAP and ask to speak with a care consultant. The contact number is (800) 272-3900.

CatsWithHandsAreTrouble

If a move has to happen, do not uproot your support network, move them closer. Do consider what Susan said. That's some good advice.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, nothing is ever easy. But you're not alone. There are many here who have gone through what you are currently are facing. Keep reaching out. Hopefully others will give you more input and suggestions as the day goes on. ((Hugs))

M1

At what point do you consider a facility?  Now.  I would have him transported back to the ER by ambulance if necessary and state that he's delusional and a threat to his caregivers, that you can no longer care for him at home.  he may need medical readmission but may also need geriatric psych admission to get him on a stable mediation regimen before any facility will take him.  Don't wait, you should do this before you leave town.  Does your mother have power of attorney?  Who has it is going to matter.....

Flemjenn

Thank you!!

harshedbuzz

Flemjenn-

Welcome.

I am sorry for your reason to be here, but glad you found this place.

This sounds like a blended family which can be even trickier than the average sibling group. Sometimes, the children of the PWD are in denial about the urgency of a situation and are willing to allow a stepparent to suffer in a way they wouldn't their own parent. 

While it's not unusual for a PWD (or any elderly patient) become disoriented and uncooperative while hospitalized or after anesthesia, it should pass in a week or two if it is going to. This could be his new normal.

In your shoes, I would wait for him to act out and have him transported to the area hospital which has a geriatric psych unit. Medication may be needed to dial back whatever is driving this behavior. Medication may make it possible for him to return home safely. If it doesn't, they can help your mom secure a placement and transport him there directly on discharge. 

Good luck.

HB

ElCy

I just went through something similar. I was soooo reluctant to call 911 but it was the best thing for all concerned. DH received the drugs need to get his delusions under control and I was safe.

MN Chickadee

He needs a geriatric psych unit (sometimes called senior behavioral health.) They have doctors and nurses that specialize in dementia and getting people stable when they are aggressive. Sometimes families are able to arrange admission with the person's doctor, but most likely in your case it will need to be done on an emergency basis. Call 911 during an episode and have him transported to the ER on a psych hold, from there they can transfer him to geriatric psych. Usually people stay there a few weeks to get stable and find the right medications and doses to control violence and then you can decide whether he should be moved home or to a facility. During that time he is hospitalized you would work to figure out what is best for your mom as well.  I would not leave town without this happening, PWD can and have harmed their caregivers. This is an emergency.