Yesterday was her Birthday

Hoot619

My daughter had posted on Facebook a picture of her on her 40th one. She would have been 78.  Every so often at camp at add a little more to the letter to her.  I'm glad Jan wasn't here for it, it would mean Alzheimer's was still at it.

On another note 2 apple pies in the oven and one more when those are done. Darn crust looked like a patchwork quilt. Need a better recipe for 3 double crust pies/ I made 1 with top crust and 2 with crumb crust which I never did before.

Had a close call at camp, I use fuel oil to start my wood fire. One morning fire was out, cold I thought so I added wood and pour half a tomatoe soup can of fuel on it. Never thinking the darn ashes would be darn warm. Used a stick lighter which was a good thing, it started all right singed my eyebrows mustashe and sideburns . Flames shot  out about 2-3 ft. Good lesson learned again. In my drinking days I used white gas with greater results but someone was watching over me.

Yes I miss her terribly at times, Grandson Frank lit a candle for her Sunday at Church.

I keep all of you in my prayers, knowing what you all are going thru. All of you were a great help to me. I'm so glad I don't have to worry about her anymore. she is in a far better place.

Ed1937

Hoot, I'm glad you made it through her birthday. It sounds like things are going as well as can be expected. That's a win.

Hoot619

Hi Ed, After posting earlier I listened to that song "Honey" It really tears me up. Yes it is getting easier a little. At most times I'm doing OK but other times it still hurts a lot.  But if I didn't miss her something would be wrong.  Well 2 pies finally done last one in oven. Have a good day Ed.

toolbeltexpert

Hoot someone is still watching over you, next time feel for a live coal. I can restart my fire if it has just  a few coals. I use the pieces of logs I split. Works like a charm. I have plenty of lighter knot, I use that in my garage to start a fire. So good to hear from you Ken, sounds like camp is a good place to be right now.

Stewart

Jo C.

Oh geeze, Hoot; charcoal mustache, eyebrows and sideburns; so glad you did not have worse happen . . . . don't need to be hot stuff in the literal sense ya know!

You have made it through your dear wife's first birthday after losing her and you are writing her a well thought out letter to share your thoughts, memories, feelings, and all else you wish to say; camp is a quiet place to be with those thoughts out there way up in the U.P.  Never feel shame for tears falling; they tell us we love, have loved and have been loved; the heart never forgets, it continues to feel the blessings of all that which had gone before even if there remains heartfelt pain at the loss of so much.

The first time for all special days and seasons seems the most difficult; the rest after can still be poignant but also for me, they now all seem to carry sweet memories that comfort; I am so grateful for the blessing in that I have such memories in my life.  Some things in hindsight I would wish I could change and do over; but that is not to be.

Something I do not tell people, but friends here will understand:    I am a BIG holiday person for all the year round holidays; it is almost like a joyful hobby for me.  Christmas has been the big one and I have loved making it delightfully special for my family and always went to great happy lengths to put it all together to make memories for everyone; house all decorated outside and inside, wreaths hung; poinsettia basket on the front porch along with the holiday lights;;  mega baking done; dinners all from scratch; packages wrapped; carols playing; fireplace lit; special nights planned during the season with fun games; etc.   However, during that time, there is one point at which poignancy has hit me hard each and every year.

Our big Christmas tree has been my specialty; I decorate it alone, all by myself as no one else ever wants to help.  So . . . herein lies my secret . . . as I decorate, the many old fashioned ornaments and lights bring me so many deep heartfelt memories of those who I dearly love who have died, that unbidden, the tears just start running.  I cry the entire time I decorate the tree and then the grief of loss eases and the treasured memories remain which warm me and bring me peaee.

As I often do, I remember to thank God for all the blessings bestowed which bring such dear memories from all the years.  Yet, I sometimes wish there was such a thing as a time machine so I could go back just one more time to have all with me again; and perhaps even to change some things I could have done better.  Ah well.

So; our "out to camp guy" can bake apple pies; I bet the house smelled wonderful.   Can pasties be far behind?   You take good care as you move through these days of a new way of being, no crystal ball to tell what lies ahead; one foot in front of the other and day by day I am told; for that is what  we must do and you seem to be doing it with dignity and grace.

J.

Crushed

Please never ever pour liquid fuel on ashes!!!!  in a pinch while camping I have soaked a paper towel  in vegetable oil  put it on the old fire wait one minute and  light with a long match.  
All engine fuels have light fractions that vaporize and ignite very quickly.  Even charcoal lighter fluid is very nasty 

  

Hoot619

Jo C  I love it so much when you reply, you have helped me so much not that the others haven't too. 

I'm waiting  for 10 AM to pick up my pasties for deer season- 20 of them from the school fund raiser.  $100 for 20 and everything in them all I need now is to pick up salt and pepper and ketchup . .

Crushed, I know about fuel vapor ,de Finnish Brain just wasn't awake yet.  Hell, 45-50 years ago I would get ticked when fire wouldn't take. White gas my lantern fuel sure got it going. Darn lucky my camp never caught on fire. 55 gal barrel heater.

I'm still on here reading what others are going thru and all I can do is keep all the Caregivers and their loved ones in my prayers. We didn't ask to be caregivers, we just did it because we loved our LO. It sure can take a toll on us, that why this forum is so important. We aren't alone,all here are going thru or have gone thru what we are experiencing .  There is so much help here IF we will listen and try some of things others that have experienced.   Love you all,thanks for everything.

Huskerdu

Dad, I have to log in here to really see how you're doing, as you leave out setting yourself on fire in our conversations! lol...YOU KNOW BETTER! so please be careful...your loving daughter......

Jo C.

Had to chuckle Huskerdu; as our adult kids tell me, it is really hard bringing up your parents!

Yep; pasties MUST have ketchup - that is pastie law and a felonious crime if not provided.  Also will do hard time if someone makes them with hamburger instead of "real beef," there is no legal defense to committing that culinary crime.  

That was a great price on those pasties, Hoot - hope they are delicious.   I liked to have coleslaw with them sometimes. You know you have had a meal after eating one of those IF they are made standard size which in the U.P. means they aren't sissy sized.  Pretty much will nearly cover your dinner plate.

So; Hoot the Finn, take good care and don't get snowed into camp way out there in the woods, but if you do, sure hope you have some snow shoes.  This nagging comes at no charge from J., the Swede/Norwegian/Italian.  Don't forget to take a lot of  Swedish gasoline with you too, (coffee.)

Gosh; this reminds me of all the good old U.P. family food traditions in many homes.  Don't get me going on Lutefisk though - utterly a literal stinking disaster in my estimation, and we had to have it in our house every year near Christmas when I was growing up.  We kids wouldn't eat it, but my Scandinavian father insisted it be made so our house reeked and we kids were disgusted.  However; with it we had Rotmos, (potatoes and rutabaga mashed together with butter), which was delicious.  Don't know what the Finnish families were having; but whatever it was, it made them beat the Swedes and Norwegians on Suicide Hill Ski Jump every year.

Cannot get real saffron buns out here which is a loss, also cannot find real ground cardamon seed  (not powdered) buns or bread.  No potato sausage out here either, ala U.P. style.  So . . . .  be well, stay warm, eat enjoyably hearty and don't forget the instructions from your dear daughter about keeping the house . . . . she knows where to find you!

J.